To be furious at my ‘supposedly’ best friend?

I have several close friends but have never been anyone's maid of honour or bridesmaid - and so what? You can still cherish the friendship.

I can't believe an adult woman would cry all day over this

Crying all day over it?

Get a grip!

OP - kindly, you are being ridiculous and your posts show you are very immature. I made a lot of deals in secondary school with my friends, but are we all holding each other to them? Of course not. Sorry but a sister trumps a best friend in most cases for matron of honour. You don’t have a sister so easy for you to pick your friend. I really do think you need to grow up and stop being so ridiculous trying to hold your friend to a deal made when you are about 14.

In all honesty, you sound like you are still 14. Your friend has done nothing wrong. If you can’t see that when all the comments are supporting your friend then you need to open your eyes. Thankfully one of my childhood friends isn’t holding me to the business deal we made in business studies class back in 1990.

😆😆

You missed off crapping in a bag and posting it through her letterbox before setting fire to her car. May as well go the whole hog 🤷

Kindly OP you seriously need to take a deep breath and get over this. Kicking up a fuss will spoil this wedding for your very friend and very probably damage your relationship. Sister trump’s friend and that’s the way it goes unfortunately. Don’t forget she will very probably have a lot of family pressure to include siblings / cousins etc in the bridal party. She may well be keeping the peace so you pushing back will only make things worse. Please swallow your pride and be there for her.

It’s totally normal to pick a sister. Bridesmaid is a really important job. My best friend is my moh but her sister was hers, it doesn’t mean she cares less about me. Remember you might feel extra sensitive at the moment but it’s her wedding, she still wants you closely involved, and it has no bearing at all on your friendship. Remember also that her wedding is about how you show up for her, not what she does for you. Its entirely her choice and a very fair and ok decision to make.

Every time I think about abandoning this website, some absolute gold like this pops up and makes me stay 🤣

Do you have a sister OP? I always argued with mine but I cannot think of a friendship that can compare to the intimacy of a close sister bond (though some have got close).

The arguing is a sign of greater closeness - that they can argue and then make up shows that they know the strength of their relationship, that they can be completely honest with each other, that they are each others safe spaces, and that they trust implicitly that their intense communication style won’t cause irreparable harm to their bond. Location doesn’t matter either - they grew up in the same house, shared the same upbringing.

You are no doubt are close to your friend having done life together for such a long time but it can’t compare to her relationship with a sister she loves.

Her sister is the sister and will always be above you. Chalk this up to pregnancy hormones and be happy for your friend.

If she didn’t ask her sister it may have caused family arguments. You wouldn't want to cause a problem in her family insisting on a friend instead of her sister.

Don't cry. It isn't a reflection on your friendship, she didn't pick a friend it is her sister.

It’s her wedding, so you aren’t important in this.

She is doing you a favour... the last thing you want to do is be responsible for organising a Hen with a baby.

Organising a Hen isnt just coming up with an idea and planning it. Its the bullshit whatsapp chat organising with friends and family, chasing up deposits and booking somewhere - often with your own cash and then waiting for reimbursement from people.

Absolutely not fun stuff! Absolutely not what I'd want to be doing with a newborn on board.

You can choose how the friendship looks from now on OP. You either accept her decision with good grace (and there are at least 2 good reasons why she made it - she chose her sister and you are pregnant) and support her as a bridesmaid. Or you can sulk and pout and complain to the bride.

It really depends if you value and treasure the friendship. Surely its more than just a day?

If you love to plan and her sister lives across the country, chances are high that you will be in charge of the hens do anyway.

I hope you can see that its just a title (maid of honour) and has very little to do with how she sees you

This is truly one to move on from, OP. Almost anyone would choose a sister over a friend for maid of honour, it's just one of those conventions. And there is very little (if any) actual difference in the roles of maid of honour and bridesmaid, on the day you'll all be doing basically the same thing.

Don't throw away a good friendship on the basis of a secondary school promise when it's clear your friend loves and respects you since she has chosen you to be a bridesmaid. A little perspective will go a long way here.

Yeah. Don't say anything, she'll think you've lost the plot. You feel what you feel, but you should probably try to get some perspective. It's not like you're not in the wedding at all.

I had to have adult bridesmaids too, as we had no little girls amongst family or friends. Thatcwas in the 80s.

I'm old and always known of it as Matron or Maid of Honour.

Haha.

Look at it this way, your friend is actually being considerate of your condition and not overloading a pregnant woman with the stress of hen night and wedding organisation. Hopefully you will sail through your pregnancy but who knows. At least she is still ok with a pregnant bridesmaid, my sister kicked me out of her bridal party altogether as she thought I would be too fat at 3 months pregnant.
Focus on having a lovely day and a healthy baby.

In the UK there is no such thing as a Maid of Honour, that is the American for Chief Bridesmaid or Matron of Honour, if already married.
Personally, I really do not like the current fashion of having all or mostly adult bridesmaids, weird multiple hen parties and all the other bizarre customs that are filtering in from over the Atlantic.
As for not being Matron of Honour, well that is the bride's decision and she has chosen her sister. You have been asked to be a bridesmaid, which is surely better than nothing.
Your reaction is extremely childish.

You’re right to be annoyed. She has betrayed you. If I were you, I wouldn’t even speak to her for the next few years, not even at your school leavers’ dance.

'I might be overreacting'

might???? 😂

She's got her reasons.It's not that bad. She's thinking about you, not wanting o put pressure on you.

Mumsnet is getting more unhinged each day. You're being beyond ridiculous and making this about you. News flash, it's not. It's about your friend, what she wants for her day.