To be furious at my ‘supposedly’ best friend?

Honestly you are not missing anything. Being MOH isn’t all that.

It really is the done thing to ask a sister. I don’t have a sister so chose my sister in law. My best girlfriends were bridesmaids.

If you're prepared to let this affect the relationship then you aren't really a good friend anyway.
Being bereft at not being a 'chief' is pathetic, sorry but you do need to get some perspective on this, in the overall scheme of things this is nothing.
What will you say/feel if you don't get to be godparent to her child?
You've been friends for a long time and are being included but her sister has been her sister since they were born.

Your friend has grown up and moved on with her life journey - she has lots of other friends now who are also important to her. People you don't really know. That's normal.

I suspect you haven't moved on in the same way. I think this is a chance for you to reflect on that, and think about how you can make new friendship circles and new interests as you also mature on your life's journey.

It'll be okay. :)

I can just imagine you stamping your little foot and saying 'but it's not FAIR'! Obviously her sister is going to rank higher than a friend, no matter how long you have known her.

Going on personal experience, I find there are more people who are ignorant and horrible about only children than there are spoiled and horrid only children. A family friend is an only child, the most giving and generous person you could meet, and she says that not having siblings means she's always been very careful to share things and value friendships because she doesn't have a "guaranteed" friend in a sibling (I know siblings can fall out but you know what I mean) and so she's careful never to take people for granted. She's extremely popular.

People who think having siblings automatically makes you a superior person are as ridiculous as those who think having children automatically makes you a superior person.

Don't be jealous of her sister, that's weird.

She's doing you a favour and it's literally her sister.

When I was in school, I promised myself I would marry one of Musical Youth (80s band) and have six kids.

I eventually had one child and am most definitely not married to one of Musical Youth!

OP the way I see it you’ve got 3 options - 1) throw a massive wobbler and lose your closest friend, 2) suck it up, be a bridesmaid and help out with organising the hen 3) talk to your friend and tell her that this has hurt you.

I understand the hurt I really do, I couldn’t go to my best friends wedding in New Zealand as I was heavily pregnant and so she was my MOH but I couldn’t be there for her and won’t get the chance again. I would have loved to give a speech about my amazing friend. But it is what it is, that’s life!

In the nicest way possible there’s a chance your pregnancy is mss as king you feel like this. Sisters trump friends if they’re anyway close because they’re family

You are reading her choice as if it's about you. It isn't. Just show up and be kind to her. And try to grow up a bit before the baby's born.

😆

Christ, are you always like this? A deal made in school, sounds like you’ve never mentally left school.

I remember my best friend being worried about telling me that her sister in law was being her MoH. It was down to family pressure/expectations. It's really not a big deal, and not worth losing a friend over .

🙄You might want to re-read it

She doesn’t want or need you to be her planner.
I work in weddings, what’s with your maid of honour obsession? It’s weird!
You have blown it out of all proportion - are you American? In the UK maid of honour was traditionally the name given to a married or older bridesmaid, not the special wedding task force commander you’re been crying for days about.

@missblueberrypie Could she have two maids of honour?

You made " the deal " in secondary school , so I'm guessing 20+ years ago ?

People grow up , ideas change etc . You and her are not the same people you were back then . Yes best friends , which is lovely , but you are being out of order .
She is still massively including you by making you a bridesmaid and the there are many brides out there who wouldn't want a bridesmaid who is pregnant. How far along will you be in the day ? Congratulations btw .

Be happy for her , it's really no big deal , go with the flow and maybe get a message to her sister to let her know you are willing to help if needed .

Clearly in her eyes, you’re not. Maybe she’s under pressure from parents, who knows, but she’s made her decision and you have to respect that.

If you’re this upset I’d decline entirely, I’ve seen many weddings days spoiled by a bridesmaid creating drama from nowhere because they feel like they have to compete to be the best and closest to the bride. With all due respect, grow up!

Really ?

Stop being so precious Ifyouareforreal

OP you can be extremely close but family ties and obligations will always take precedent. I had a very close Uni friend, she married and had 3 children. I fully expected to be asked to be a Godparent. Didn't happen. She has a large, close family and obligations to them. You just move on.

Main character syndrome is alive and well!

@SouthernNights59
@NoMoreLindor
@ArtyFarty29

Sorry, it was a flippant remark. Of course I did not mean to imply that all that only children (including my own daughter) would behave this way.

Op. I can see that you're upset but the reality was she was never going to snub her sister by choosing a friend as moh regardless of what she said when she was in school.
you had built a big fantasy in your head of how it was going to be and you're sad that it won't be quiet like that But for the love of God, keep your feelings to yourself . Do not mention them to the bride or other friends or anymore connected to the wedding party or you will mar yourself a bit of a laughing stock among your friendship group. wallow a bit today and then focus on enjoying her wedding as a bridesmaid .