My husband is generally a good husband.
However over the years his anger has become a lot worse. When we first married I knew he had anger issues from his teen years because he told me about them, involving smashing stuff up and punching walls. He said being in the army helped him with this anger.
over The past maybe 18 months he has done stuff which I feel is just not ok to do when an issue is raised. He shouts, swears, moves to the sofa out of bed, threatens to shout louder etc. over what I think are not big issues.
some examples:
- i brought up the fact that he has spent most of his wages on a hobby and was left short to pay our mortgage (we pay half) - met with shouting “well I’m just a shit husband then aren’t I” / “you earn more than me, you pay it” and pulling down books from a shelf
- i was expected on holiday to his home country to stay up until 5am playing poker with all male friends. I didn’t want to do this. He continued to do it for the 3 weeks we were there. I said it would be nice to do a date night - met with breaking his laptop, calling me controlling, shouting at me “you really don’t want to push this, I can get much much louder”, packing up our things in a case and saying “well if you feel like you’re not safe here let’s go to hotel
- telling him I felt distant from him as he was spending a lot of time in the evenings on his hobby and then expecting sex - met with calling me controlling again, saying he is a free man and can do what he wants, saying I need to get out and do a hobby (which I do anyway) and shouting at me to “fuck off, always fucking talking, fuck you”
- i was vomiting in the bathroom one morning and he came in and asked me a question I didn’t hear. He slammed the door. A few days later he asked me why I didn’t answer and that I basically said “fuck off” to him by not replying and I was “milking” being unwell
he’s pulled the duvet cover off me when I’ve been lying down, shouting over me as I was lying down. He laughs when I ask him to stop shouting. He says I’m condescending and act like I’m an angel and he’s the devil.
it sounds awful written down, it is awful. But it’s only about 10% of the time. Which is a lot I know. When things are good he’s funny, caring and like my best friend. When things are bad I cry alone in the bathroom.
I’ve stopped mentioning anything now. I just let him get on with what he wants to do because I can’t cope with the fallout.
I need a plan on what to do and how to do it. I feel sad nearly all the time, walking on eggshells. I just feel like I’m a burden