Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Everything is falling apart - please no judgement!

119 replies

c0uldibeanymoretired · 12/01/2026 18:58

I didn’t know what category to put this under.

I’m going through probably the toughest time of my life right now, I just wanted to see if anyone has been in a similar situation or has any advice but please no harsh judgement!

Myself, DP and DS (11m) currently rent privately. I have finished mat leave and I couldn’t go back to my previous role because they couldn’t offer me part time to work around DS nursery days - fine, it happens. I found a new role driving SEN children to and from school locally, the hours worked around my DS. All went well, I completed courses, paid for a DBS etc.

I had a call from the company to say the position in my area isn’t available, the only available position they now have is in a location that’s 1 hour from my house plus the driving around this new location. This doesn’t work due to nursery drop off/pick up etc, the hours are longer it just doesn’t work. Long story short, I basically had to withdraw my application.

DP is self employed, makes good money but not enough to pay all rent, bills, his bills and my personal bill eg car finance, insurance etc…

I’m not entitled to help on UC, I can only get child benefit. I received my last payment from work which was my holiday pay plus more so I got a good sum of money this month to cover everything before my new job came into place.

I did have the 30 funded hours but now I am ‘unemployed’ I haven’t even thought about what’s going to happen to that.

I’m now stressing because we will not be able to afford our rent, now with nursery starting next week which is paid for, we then have to pay over 1k for February, then our rent which is over 1,500k then bills etc which truthfully we cannot cover in the upcoming months. Yes I can take DS out of nursery but the thing that’s more worrying is the living situation.

We’re in contract until August but I’m scared we’re going to be made homeless eventually because of affordability, we don’t have family/friends that can help with such money and frankly, not their problem to help us!

Yes I can look for a new job which I’ve already been doing but finding specific jobs to fit around a schedule is a job in its own, plus the interviewing stages etc who knows how long it could be.

I don’t even know what I’m rambling on about I’m literally in tears and feel like I just need to get it off my chest but embarrassed to do so to friends/family.

We can’t rent somewhere else due to DP being self employed and me with no income - we don’t have a guarantor we live far from family and we only really have eachother.

Has anyone been in a situation where they had to voluntarily become ‘homeless’ - does this mean me and DS will be placed in a hotel/hostel without DP?

if you made it this far, thank you and I probably don’t make 100% sense in this but my head is scrambled!!

OP posts:
RamALamADingDong2 · 12/01/2026 21:28

If you register as self employed from now, you get 1 whole year without needing to make an income and qualify for both UC and the nursery hours. You can use that time to either actually go self employed or look for work.

Hairyfairy01 · 12/01/2026 21:13

Care work could work here OP. McDonald’s. Evri driver etc. basically anything will do at this point.

Mybestdecadeyet · 12/01/2026 21:12

c0uldibeanymoretired · 12/01/2026 19:02

Sorry I did not mention, DS is only going to nursery 3 days a week, the rest of the days would be with a babysitter on the few hours I work

Cancel all that as I don’t believe it’s now funded if you’re unemployed.

c0uldibeanymoretired · 12/01/2026 21:11

Ihateboris · 12/01/2026 21:04

I also had to pay for mine...was it Home Instead?

No they’re 24x7 x

OP posts:
YourWildAmberSloth · 12/01/2026 21:10

No judgement from me. Have you used a benefit calculator to see if you would be entitled to anything, if you did not return to work? You would save on nursery costs and might be entitled to some universal credit.

herefortheclicks · 12/01/2026 21:08

Hotel cleaning work, they recruit always, various shifts

Itsthesameeveryday · 12/01/2026 21:08

Please do your own research but I believe within your first year of becoming self employed, you dont have to meet the minimum income to still receive funded hours.

Is there any way we can help you look into finances OP to see if there's any leeway? Particularly around repayment of any debt/mortgage etc?

Upsetbetty · 12/01/2026 21:08

What does your DP do for work? Why couldn’t he switch his hours around to go drop off pickups? What hours does he work?

Ihateboris · 12/01/2026 21:04

c0uldibeanymoretired · 12/01/2026 21:02

It’s legit, my aunt works for the same company but in a different location, they’re all over the UK.

I did think about the DBS but where I was eager I just jumped the gun and sorted it myself but they didn’t mention paying to be honest.

I also had to pay for mine...was it Home Instead?

c0uldibeanymoretired · 12/01/2026 21:02

tumbletoast · 12/01/2026 20:45

Are you sure that job was real and not a scam? You shouldn't be paying for your own DBS (for future reference).

It’s legit, my aunt works for the same company but in a different location, they’re all over the UK.

I did think about the DBS but where I was eager I just jumped the gun and sorted it myself but they didn’t mention paying to be honest.

OP posts:
Comtesse · 12/01/2026 20:52

You are catastrophising about being kicked out if your flat. But that hasn’t happened!
Worry about the things that have happened not the ones that haven’t.
Keep trucking Flowers

DDivaStar · 12/01/2026 20:49

A temp agency should be able to get you work pretty quickly in admin.

Do think before giving up your nursery place I can see what you mean but you'll have to get something sorted pretty quickly when you find a job. Rearranging could delay starting.

tumbletoast · 12/01/2026 20:45

Are you sure that job was real and not a scam? You shouldn't be paying for your own DBS (for future reference).

c0uldibeanymoretired · 12/01/2026 20:44

PullyDog · 12/01/2026 20:39

FYI if you do get UC, you'll have access to a hardship payment from them for your first month so you won't be fully with out.

Sounds like you should be eligible for something.

Personally I'd keep the car, for work reasons, but pull the baby out of childcare until you actually need it.

Yeah I’m definitely looking into UC tonight.

I need my car, I don’t live a walkable distance to shops etc so it’s definitely needed and I’d find it really hard after driving all these years to not.

Thats also another next step, I’m pulling him out of nursery as there’s no point stressing about the fees when I’m at home, I can worry about nursery when it comes down to that but I have a babysitter on the back burner anyway if needed thank god

OP posts:
Advic · 12/01/2026 20:43

Employment adviser here. Have a look and see if your local college(s) offers the level 2 teaching assistant course. Often it’s only a few weeks long and government funded. Then contact all local primary schools and ask if you can volunteer for a few hours a week to gain experience. Both these things together will really help you find work as
a TA. Perfect job to fit around childcare with scope for promotion.

PullyDog · 12/01/2026 20:39

FYI if you do get UC, you'll have access to a hardship payment from them for your first month so you won't be fully with out.

Sounds like you should be eligible for something.

Personally I'd keep the car, for work reasons, but pull the baby out of childcare until you actually need it.

LilyBunch25 · 12/01/2026 20:36

c0uldibeanymoretired · 12/01/2026 19:16

When I tried this on mat leave, I received a good enough payment monthly so couldn’t get it but I’m going to call them tomorrow and see what happens, it’s all a bit confusing to me online because it says I need to do a joint claim with DP as we live together but when we did that it was saying he needs to go in for interviews to prove his working as he’s self employed but he can’t due to being in work… so it’s just something I need to speak to an actual human about. It may change now but even so it takes up to 5 weeks for a claim to be accepted so it’s just panic mode atm

Yes it would be a joint claim and DP would need to be included in the application and interviews- but you should still apply. Try a benefits calculator such as turn2us. The 5 week wait can be mitigated by a repayable advance. If you need more help contact a local advice service such as citizens advice.

PencilsInSpace · 12/01/2026 20:36

You should be entitled to new style JSA for up to 6 months. It's not a huge amount and will be deducted pound for pound from any successful UC claim, but it's something, and it's not means tested. As long as you've paid enough NI you should be eligible.

https://www.gov.uk/jobseekers-allowance

Apply for UC as well, it sounds like your circumstances have changed since you last checked.

creamcakesintherain · 12/01/2026 20:32

Apply for UC, its easy and the worst that can happen is they say no which is unlikely. Its not a big deal with your partner, yes he will have to go in with documents to prove his earnings at an appointed time but he will just have to go ! My husband is self employed and had no issue planning for a appointment.

Midnights68 · 12/01/2026 20:29

Sorry if this is a stupid question but could you go back to your old job full time rather than part time?

herbetta · 12/01/2026 20:29

c0uldibeanymoretired · 12/01/2026 19:14

Thanks for your replies!

I’ve been applying for loads of schools doing TA/midday assistants/cleaning after hours etc so fingers crossed I get some good news.

Only thing I’ve found with almost all school jobs is they require experience within a school whereas I’ve only ever worked in an office role!

Still applying because you just never know. I’m also looking into all cleaning jobs and evening/weekend carer. It’s just the unknown of if anything will come from the applications 😩

Worst case, I can look into things like Evri parcel delivery, it’s better than no job although I’ve heard only bad things but desperate times and that!

In the meantime, contact some local employment agencies - they will be able to offer temp work, cleaning etc and you should be able to start quite quickly.

c0uldibeanymoretired · 12/01/2026 20:26

YouLookLikeStevieNicks · 12/01/2026 20:20

People say this all the time like it's so easy.

How do you expect OP to "get rid" of the finance car? You can't sell a car that has outstanding finance, and it doesn't sound like OP has the money to pay it off. You can hand it back to the finance company after a certain point, but if it's near the end of the finance and you've paid loads of interest why would you hand it back and have nothing, when a few months later at least you'd own it.

Even if she did hand it back to the finance company, how is she meant to pay for this cheap run around you speak of?

This is why so many people on lower incomes get stuck with car finance. If you have a car and it breaks, sometimes you have no choice but to take out finance where the monthly payments are just about manageable, because you physically don't have over £1000 to buy a cheap second hand car outright.

Thank you!

its easier said than done, I had cheap run arounds for every car but they all ended up having some sort of problem hence why I did finance to get a newer car and touch wood, no problems in the 4 years I’ve had it. It’s paid off in June but as you said, I don’t have the finances to pay off the remaining

OP posts:
c0uldibeanymoretired · 12/01/2026 20:24

Littleelffriend · 12/01/2026 20:19

Why is the child in nursery if you’re not working?

I had the nursery sorted in time for my new role to begin and wanted him to start while I had a week between jobs just incase he was unsettled etc.

OP posts:
Bitsandbobs2 · 12/01/2026 20:21

c0uldibeanymoretired · 12/01/2026 19:16

When I tried this on mat leave, I received a good enough payment monthly so couldn’t get it but I’m going to call them tomorrow and see what happens, it’s all a bit confusing to me online because it says I need to do a joint claim with DP as we live together but when we did that it was saying he needs to go in for interviews to prove his working as he’s self employed but he can’t due to being in work… so it’s just something I need to speak to an actual human about. It may change now but even so it takes up to 5 weeks for a claim to be accepted so it’s just panic mode atm

You CAN claim UC and you can get an Advanced Payment as soon as your details, ID will be checked. Call them tomorrow or simply start claim online.

YouLookLikeStevieNicks · 12/01/2026 20:20

Timeforchai · 12/01/2026 20:08

Get rid of the finance car and get get a cheap runabout to start with.

People say this all the time like it's so easy.

How do you expect OP to "get rid" of the finance car? You can't sell a car that has outstanding finance, and it doesn't sound like OP has the money to pay it off. You can hand it back to the finance company after a certain point, but if it's near the end of the finance and you've paid loads of interest why would you hand it back and have nothing, when a few months later at least you'd own it.

Even if she did hand it back to the finance company, how is she meant to pay for this cheap run around you speak of?

This is why so many people on lower incomes get stuck with car finance. If you have a car and it breaks, sometimes you have no choice but to take out finance where the monthly payments are just about manageable, because you physically don't have over £1000 to buy a cheap second hand car outright.