Partner wont live with me

Agreed.

In a way this makes you more unreasonable as at least he’s transparent about what he wants whereas you're pretending to be okay with it whilst keeping one eye open for ‘someone better’.

I’ve been exactly where you are except he future faked and pretended he wanted us to be in a relationship. I also felt like a FWB and his cook. Even when I specifically stated a relationship for me meant living together he still got his needs met and refused to be honest. He also treated me appallingly so the decision was easier.
At least your partner is telling you now. Don’t cheat or look for someone else, be honest about your needs and leave. This isn’t getting any better and you’ve wasted enough time on him.

If you are lonely in the relationship and it’s unlikely to change it’s time to move on. I am a big fan of living separately but I would find your arrangement of being apart almost every night lacking too. Do you not do holidays and days out together?

Why would you stay in any relationship where you feel lonely with no way to change this?

That sounds the perfect relationship. Both having your own space , doing your own thing but having the companionship that comes with a relationship. If that doesn't work for you then this isn't the relationship for you

This sounds like a communication problem. If someone told me they wanted a “proper relationship” I would think they meant an exclusive relationship where we shared holidays and days together and provided emotional support.

I definitely wouldn’t assume they definitely wanted to live with me. If that was raised early on, I would make it abundantly clear that cohabitation wasn’t an option.

Did you explicitly talk about living together or did you just assume?

YANBU for wanting to live with a partner.

However, YABVU for saying you will leave him if someone better comes along. If it's not the relationship you want, leave him now. Don't string him along until you find a replacement.

YABVU for thinking that only relationships where people live together are 'proper relationships'. That's a really narrow minded view.

Many people choose not to live with a partner. I have been with my partner for 6 years and I most definitely do not want to live with him, and he knows this. I like my own space and we see each other several times a week and travel together. It's very much a proper relationship. There is 100% monogamy, 100% respect and 100% trust. Please explain why this isn't a 'proper relationship' and why this is 'less proper' than a relationship where people are married/living together but there might might be abuse, resentment, infidelity, living separate lives in the same space or any other ways people treat each other poorly and make each other miserable?

OP, this is not what you want.
You are a convenience to him, no more.
It will not change.
You are wasting your time.
You are not compatible.
You are already regretful.
Stop wasting your time.

Im in my 50s and divorced. I wouldn't like to live with anyone again. You can still have a meaningful relationship. I wouldn't move near him though.

I don't think either of you are being unreasonable.
I never want to live with my partner either, and my stance on that hasn't changed in 6yrs.
Fortunately we are both of the same thoughts so makes it easier.
I adore him and love our time together but I just don't want to live with anyone again.
If it's more important to you, than he is - then perhaps you need to end it.
Don't hold out the hope he will change his mind or push him to, as it's not fair and he's been clear with you.
Either accept that, or move on.

Neither of you are wrong OP, but I wouldn’t give up living alone. I could truly really love someone and still absolutely not want to live with them.

So he wants you to travel to him, wants you to spend money relocating closer to him, and let’s be honest moving house is expensive and stressful. so it’s all about what’s easy for him???

You both have different goals anyway so I’d set this one free and look for someone who wants what you want, and is less selfish

I understand his view. He's been burnt and doesn't want it to happen again. Fair enough. I doubt I'll live with a man again. It's just not worth the risk but that doesn't mean I can't have an equal and satisfying relationship. Three evenings a months wouldn't be enough for me either.

You want something different. You certainly shouldn't move house for his convenience, and you should expect him to do an equal amount of travel, as a minimum.

I think you need to find someone else.

Neither of you are wrong, you just want different things.

Like fuck would I buy a house near a bloke though, unless it was a lucky coincidence because I really wanted the house whether he was in my life or not.

Carry on daring other men then

Well at least he is being clear at least.

He wants company on his terms only and isnt flexible.

You either accept it or look elsewhere.

You dont sound compatible and I would want more from a relationship too.

There's no point in you staying in a relationship where you feel lonely and you're left alone every night. You'd be far better off dumping him.

He says he cant live without me but cant live with me That's bordering on blackmail territory, and he's making you feel that you can't split up with him, so you will have to lump it his way.

You are a convenient option, and he's asked you to move house so you're closer and even more convenient? He's not really considering you, is he?

I saw a good quote today. Something like 'the longer you stay on a train going in the wrong direction, the harder it is to come back again'.

You aren't compatible. You want different things. And that's fine. I did find it a bit depressing that you seem to be waiting for 'something better'. Just end it, don't hold him as a reserve rather than have no one.

You were clear he wasn’t and he has now made his views clear,

plenty of 50 year old men that are solvent and would want a romantic relationship. So find one.

It sound like he is happy with out much intimacy etc and quite frankly doesn’t really want a relationship.

I wouldn’t be happy to go over once a week and service him / that wouldn’t be a relationship for me

I think this is your answer- you wouldn’t have got involved, so why stay? I’d end things now

Even if you are both financially sound, he might still be thinking of complications regarding inheritance, divorce etc. Being comfortably off doesn't preclude you from protecting your assets. At least he's being honest and not making false promises and he has every right to live alone if he wishes. If you want to find someone to live with, then this relationship clearly isn't the right one for you. However, if you own your own home I would advise caution before you move someone in.

Neither of you is being unreasonable, you just want different things.

You don't have to cohabit to have a "proper" relationship. The happiest couple I know don't live together.

That said, you're allowed to want different things and acknowledge that you're not compatible with this man. That's what dating is for.

However, staying with him and waiting for something better to come along so you can jump ship is a dick move and any man talking about doing it would be skinned alive on here. Break up or don't, but don't monkey branch.

If this isn’t for you, then yes absolutely ditch hm.