To not want to change my surname?

It’s so weird that in this day and age there’s still the expectation of changing your name once married.
If you’re not going to have kids together especially. What’s the point. What does he get out of it? You’ll have a whole bunch of unnecessary admin to do and probably a worse surname.

I changed my name on marriage (it was the 80s and we did then), changed it back on separation, got divorced, married someone else 9 years later, changed again because it was important to him even though I didn't really want to, had 2 kids, split up 14 years later, changed it back again, got divorced, married to now DH who also felt strongly about name change so changed it again but this time kept mine and stuck his on the end. I already thought about changing it back again if I am widowed. It's not the best last name in the world but its the only name I feel any ownership of. DH's ex is still Mrs Hisname too so its doubly weird.

I've been married twice.I still have the first exH's surname. I like the name,didn't particularly like the 2nd exH's name and he didn't mind either way. I just couldn't be bothered with the faff of changing it when I remarried / divorced again.

I remember some friends in the 90's having a child and being unable to decide whose surname to use. So they chose a completely random one, unrelated to either of them! It's a personal decision

YANBU you do what you want to do! I married for the 2nd time and kept my married name from 1st marriage my now husband didnt mind at all and I am happy with my decision. Best wishes in your new marriage.

I'm only married once. I don't have my father's surname. I hated it. Changed via solicitor at age 20. I couldn't bare to part with my new surname so I have a double barrelled surname. 'My' chosen surname and DH's surname.
Daughter has the double barrelled surname to, from birth.

My chosen surname feels like my identity because I picked it. It's an outdated practice, taking husband's surname.

Incidentally my mum changed her surname to her current husband's surname before she got married to get rid of her previous husband's surname, who is my birth father. My birth father is long dead and only my brother has the 'dreaded' surname still.

Absolutely not.
Do not marry him if this is even slightly an issue with him.
You are not compatible and he is controlling.
Do you really want another marriage?

Never changed my name, partly because of work, but mainly his was a difficult name to pronounce. No regrets. It’s my identity. You can call yourself what you like in informal situations, like a stage name.

I honestly wish I had kept my maiden name. I know yours is not your maiden name but you have had it for 30 years. No you should not change it. My husband is italian and women keep their maiden names in Italy he was horrified I was changing mine actually!

I don’t think your partner has any right to ask you to change your name. It’s your decision only.

I do think it’s weird you still use the name of your first husband. I’ve always found that odd even when it happened in my own family.

Sounds like your partner should change his name to yours - he's the one who cares about matching you

I understand where you're coming from OP - I've been married 35 years and have had my married name much longer than I had my maiden name (which I didn't like anyway!) I can't imagine changing my surname if I were to marry again - I don't think of it as my husband's surname - it's my name and it's what I chose to be called! I would tell your fiancé that having your own name doesn't make you any less married and you're a grown woman who can make her own choice.

Did he add yours as a middle name?

I do sort of see his point in that this isn't your original name. You are choosing to keep the name of a man you married, changed your name for, and then (presumably?) divorced.

Of course YANBU to want to keep the same name you have had for 30 years, but it is a bit different from wanting to keep your maiden name.

Ultimately, it is up to you what name you go by though. I can't imagine this being a big enough issue to cause friction though, even if you have different preferences.

My son has my maiden surname and I didn’t change my surname when I married my sons stepdad just because I want to have the same surname as my son.
My husband’s ex wife has kept my husband’s surname because they share a daughter.
Its pretty common.
I did add my husbands surname as a middle name when we married.

Just don't change it. Give him time to come to terms with your decision. As much time as he needs.

How ridiculous. I had never changed my name. It’s my name!

YANBU, don't marry this man he sounds like a red flag.

This.

i can see his point though that your current name came from a previous marriage, it’s not your birth name.

i would tell him if you change it, it will be back to your birth surname. Less paperwork I think as then you don’t have to produce yet another marriage certificate.

this is why I never changed, and will never change my name. I would not want to keep an ex’s name.

YANBU

And he is being insecure.
Would he have demanded you change your surname if you had reverted to your birth name or is it just because its evidence that you were married before?

So he wants to label you as a piece of property? Like marking you out as his?
If he's insisting then that's a huge red flag because it shouldn't matter these days and it makes him look insecure and brattish.

You could both change to your maiden name if he's so worried about the other man thing. Tell him to fuck off with his unreasonable request.

YADNBU

There’s no way I’m changing my name again, ever…and definitely not to please a man. No way.

Tell him you will change it…..back to your maiden name.

And see what he says…

I changed to my maiden name when I remarried.

Considering the high rate of divorces for third marriage you’d be bonkers to change your name. Also it’s still nice to have the same name as your DC even now they’ve grown up.