Post partum rage or am I just a dick?

Well, that's a bunch of huge issues. Get rid 👍

I think there’s two separate issues.

You’ve said you don’t recognise yourself anymore, so this really doesn’t sound like it’s a reasonable response to your husband, and for your own sake if nothing else, it needs dealing with.

Separate to that is your husband’s behaviour (the friendship, the gambling). These are legitimate issues in your marriage that need to be dealt with in some way (working through it, or divorce).

At 7 months this is unlikely to be just hormones.

There is very obviously something else going on behind the scenes but you’ve still got to do something about it for your own good (all of this is going to be terrible for your own health) but also your child’s- kids pick up on much more than you think and it can be quite damaging to witness rows, or explosive arguments at a young age. Not saying this to make you feel bad but to give you more motivation to get it under control. Whatever has happened in the past you can’t continue behaving like this for everyone’s sake.

I think you need to go and see your GP and also sign up for either some couple’s therapy or individual counselling. If you’ve decided to give the relationship a chance I think you have to really try to let go of what’s happened in the past and not use it to justify your own anger and behaviour. Equally though it may be that you’re not ready to do this in which case you may need more help, to do a trial separation or consider splitting up. But you need to work through the options and also find techniques to manage your own anger better.

So he has cheated on you, has a gambling problem, continues to deceive you, doesn't "help out" 😬in his home or with his child, and has convinced you that you are the problem.

Nothing to be angry about there! Clearly therapy for you is the answer 😤

Agree with this, you definitely need to speak with someone. It’s good you are recognising you need help, but it’s not acceptable to say “oh hormones so it’s not your fault” we can’t say this without then also saying “oh hormones” for other peoples unacceptable behaviour!

Given your update, i think the lack of sleep is just making you less inclined to forgive absolutely unforgivable things he has done. You don't have the energy to play the cool wife.

I had the same. DH was helpful in the beginning but got bored by month 3. I was boiling with rage with the unfairness of it all. It's so hard and overwhelming and to see DH live his old life was awful. I probably lost some hormones that made me want men at all costs as i was so focused on baby so I just could not forgive him.

That feeling has not gotten better. I'm less rage-y as my son is a toddler so I am getting more sleep and life is easier. But i have not forgiven DH and I still stand by all my outbursts of rage. They were totally justified. Life is unfair for women.

How old is your baby?

Whatever the cause, it sounds like you're not getting the support you need. Can anyone else besides your partner help out? Can you outsource anything to save either of you having to do any housework for a bit (ready meals or takeaways, ask family or neighbours to bring you food, get a cleaner?). Ideally, the first few weeks postpartum you should be able to focus entirely on yourself and the baby and your partner needs to step up and take care of the rest, either himself or with external help. You should definitely talk to your GP, but you also sound like you're feeling unsupported and need more practical help too

Postpartum rage is a real thing, it's not "as you call it".

I agree that a GP appointment is needed though.

I feel for you OP. I am the same atm but currently pregnant. I described myself like a monster. I went from 0-100 so quick and snapped so fast. I felt awful. I still do.

I've spoke to midwife for talking therapies but now, i just remove myself. E.g. if I feel even a little anger I go for a walk. Go upstairs etc. And communicated this to my partner and said do not even make little comments as im very sensitive right now. That's the best advice I can offer at present. But I am worried how I will be when baby gets here. I hope the anger goes. I am vile and thing is I think same as you its justified. But because how horrid I felt after I just couldnt justify my anger so just walk away now.

How old is your baby? Are you screaming abuse at other people or just your partner? The way you’re behaving is completely unacceptable so urgently seek help, you clearly have got major anger issues and it’s not an excuse or justification for the way you’re going on. Talk to your GP asap but even if they say it’s postpartum rage as you call it you can’t abuse your partner with impunity.