Page 6 | Neighbour(s) blank us

lonelyneighbourhood · 2026-01-12T08:42:51+00:00

Not sure if this is the right place or even that this matters that much! But it’s getting to me and I guess I’m wondering if AIBU? We live on a small-ish street with neighbours either side. Our neighbour on one side totally blanks us. It started off just being me that she did it to and she would talk to DH, but now she ignores DH too, even if we smile and say hello, she’ll avoid eye contact and blank us. Mostly her husband says hello when we see him and he also sometimes stops and has a proper chat with us. Other neighbours keep themselves to themselves, I suppose? We moved here five years ago and the family before us lived here 20+ years so I’ve wondered if that’s something to do with it. There’s maybe two neighbours on the whole street who speak to us. We have a 14-month-old and a dog but are generally quiet people. We don’t have parties, don’t really have people round other than our families, and didn’t even pre-DC. We don’t play loud music at unsociable hours, we park considerately. I guess I feel quite lonely and a bit on-edge in my own home, because I feel as though I’m in trouble. I know that’s probably silly but it makes me anxious and is getting me down. I work from home so I’m here all the time, whereas DH is only here evenings and weekends and is generally not an anxious person, so it bothers him a lot less, but even he commented on it at the weekend when our neighbour walked right past us without making eye contact. I’m not sure what we can do to improve things? AIBU?

OpalHedgehog · 12/01/2026 09:09

Could be neurodivergent?

vanillalattes · 12/01/2026 09:08

SandrenaIsMyBloodType · 12/01/2026 09:06

Honestly, you just live next door to an odd woman. This doesn’t have to be about something you have done. It doesn’t have to be because she has some theory about you. She might never give you a thought and is just an unfriendly woman with problems of her own.

I wish I had learned earlier in life that it’s not necessary for everyone to like me. I know I’m nice and if they want to take a preconceived notion of me based on a few random interactions and decide they don’t like me then that’s not about me, that’s to do with what sort of person they are. They’re missing out - I’m a good neighbour and a good friend.

But I know that 20 years ago, I would have worried just like you’re doing. Let it go. People have their own reasons for being the way they are.

Why is it necessary to label the other woman as odd?

Sidebeforeself · 12/01/2026 09:06

Why are you giving it headspace? You know you’ve done nothing wrong.You’ll never find out why. Get on with your life.

SandrenaIsMyBloodType · 12/01/2026 09:06

Honestly, you just live next door to an odd woman. This doesn’t have to be about something you have done. It doesn’t have to be because she has some theory about you. She might never give you a thought and is just an unfriendly woman with problems of her own.

I wish I had learned earlier in life that it’s not necessary for everyone to like me. I know I’m nice and if they want to take a preconceived notion of me based on a few random interactions and decide they don’t like me then that’s not about me, that’s to do with what sort of person they are. They’re missing out - I’m a good neighbour and a good friend.

But I know that 20 years ago, I would have worried just like you’re doing. Let it go. People have their own reasons for being the way they are.

vanillalattes · 12/01/2026 09:04

They're under no obligation to acknowledge you or to have a chat. I’m friendly enough with our neighbours but there’s one who never shuts up if she catches you in the street and I do often avoid her as I don’t have the energy to be stood listening to her going on 😂

BlackCat14 · 12/01/2026 09:03

lonelyneighbourhood · 12/01/2026 08:54

My job is 100% remote unfortunately, but I plan to look for another job that’s more hybrid in a couple of years once I’ve finished my qualification. You’re right, it wouldn’t help much. I guess I hate feeling in trouble constantly. I don’t feel relaxed here because I’m always wondering what I’ve done, always trying not to make any noise. I’m very very mindful of any noise the dog might make. The baby sometimes cries at night as babies do but he’s never left alone to cry and he’s only been around for a short part of the time we’ve lived here.

The neighbour’s husband once apologised to me for the noise they made (teenage daughter shouting) and I said oh no don’t worry, it doesn’t bother us, and he said I was too polite. So I’m not sure what the deal is.

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I feel for you as you can’t help this anxiety over the situation.
You’re probably over thinking your role in it all, it doesn’t sound like you’ve done anything wrong, some people just aren’t interested in bothering with their neighbours. Don’t worry that you’re “in trouble”, they just aren’t chatty people.

MaturingCheeseball · 12/01/2026 09:02

Same here. I’m not terribly sociable but it actually makes me yearn for the 1950s and people chatting across their fences!

My surrounding neighbours are not friendly. I’ve never been in anyone’s house and hardly interacted except for complaints (8-year-old’s party in the garden…). The opposite neighbours absolutely blank me, even if I wave a hand upon coming out of my drive.

A “putting each others’ bins out” relationship would be nice but I guess people are suspicious of becoming involved . Especially if the neighbours are perceived as elderly.

Esperanza25 · 12/01/2026 09:01

We have the same thing with one neighbour. I find it really bizarre- how hard is it just to acknowledge someone?
We’ve just stopped thinking about it, it’s their problem not ours.
You’ve done nothing wrong at all.

InterestedDad37 · 12/01/2026 08:59

It's no doubt disconcerting, but you're not going to change things by (for example) asking her or her husband about it; that would just make things weirder and more awkward. So, just try to be content in the knowledge that you're not doing anything wrong, and you're not the strange one.
One thing springs to mind - sex. Perhaps she thinks you've heard them through the walls, having sex, and is embarrassed by the thought. Or has she heard you?

Original poster

lonelyneighbourhood · 12/01/2026 08:59

PollyBell · 12/01/2026 08:57

Focus on your own life, and leave them alone, the neighbours are not making you anxious you are doing that to yourself you tried so leave them to it now

That’s fair enough. Thank you. When you say ‘leave them alone’, though, it’s not that I’m seeking them out, which would be weird. Literally when we see them out and about or walking to or from the car etc, I’d smile and say hi. I think I’ll probably stop now.

OP posts:

PollyBell · 12/01/2026 08:57

Focus on your own life, and leave them alone, the neighbours are not making you anxious you are doing that to yourself you tried so leave them to it now

Original poster

lonelyneighbourhood · 12/01/2026 08:54

BlackCat14 · 12/01/2026 08:47

We smile, nod and say hello to our neighbours, that’s about it. You talk about feeling lonely whilst you WFH but I don’t think neighbours can really assist in that, even if you did get on. Could you work from the office some days, or from a cafe or something?

My job is 100% remote unfortunately, but I plan to look for another job that’s more hybrid in a couple of years once I’ve finished my qualification. You’re right, it wouldn’t help much. I guess I hate feeling in trouble constantly. I don’t feel relaxed here because I’m always wondering what I’ve done, always trying not to make any noise. I’m very very mindful of any noise the dog might make. The baby sometimes cries at night as babies do but he’s never left alone to cry and he’s only been around for a short part of the time we’ve lived here.

The neighbour’s husband once apologised to me for the noise they made (teenage daughter shouting) and I said oh no don’t worry, it doesn’t bother us, and he said I was too polite. So I’m not sure what the deal is.

OP posts:

Leeds157 · 12/01/2026 08:52

My neighbour on one side does the same thing, I’ve stopped bothering. Over the weekend I walked past her as she was doing something with her car and she went and looked in the boot as I went past to avoid any eye contact with me. I’ve taken it as her actively making it clear she wants no civil pleasantries so will just ignore her back. Weird, and I was wondering whether it was because there was something she didn’t like about us, but it could only be something minor like the possible reasons you’ve listed and says a lot about her and nothing about me (or you).
Most people grow up out of this rude stuck up mindset once they leave school but not everyone I guess

Original poster

lonelyneighbourhood · 12/01/2026 08:51

The dog will bark when there’s someone at the door, but that’s maybe every couple of days and only if we have a parcel or if a relative comes in, then she stops when I’ve got the parcel or when she’s seen who’s there. We don’t leave her her in the garden or anything like that - we make her take a toy out with her when she uses the garden so she doesn’t bark. If she does, we bring her straight back in.

We pick up her poo, the only work we’ve had done was a new boiler when we first moved here which I popped round to let neighbours know was happening because it involved drilling through our brick wall for the flue (?) so would cause dust. As in my OP, we park considerately.

OP posts:

BlackCat14 · 12/01/2026 08:47

We smile, nod and say hello to our neighbours, that’s about it. You talk about feeling lonely whilst you WFH but I don’t think neighbours can really assist in that, even if you did get on. Could you work from the office some days, or from a cafe or something?

Canonlythinkofthisone · 12/01/2026 08:46

Does the dog bark
Do you park in a way that annoys them
Do you remember to put your bins out
Do you pick your dog poop up
Have you had any building work done

If no to any of the above, let it go. It's not important.

ScrambledEggs12 · 12/01/2026 08:44

Does the dog bark a lot?

If not, then I think it's just a problem with them.