Neighbour(s) blank us

I personally prefer neighbours to ignore me. I hate small talk with them and prefer to keep a distance.

I wouldn’t spare it another thought to be honest. If you’ve done something to piss her off she should say so. If she’s not an important person to you don’t worry about it. Tell your hubby to ignore her too 😆

Quiet neighbours who don't want to bother or know you. Perfect 👍👍

I would hazard a guess it’s not you it’s them. I am that neighbour. I work almost exclusively from home, except for the very odd time I venture into the office. I’d love it if my neighbours ignored me. I have neighbours either side and then no other close neighbour, ave lived here for maybe 15 years and have never had a desire for any type of relationship. I don’t think I’m miserable, just an introvert perfectly content in my own company.

As others have mentioned, your anxiety is getting the better of you. Don’t take it personally, they just aren’t neighbourly people. I’d suggest you see if your local area has a WhatsApp group. My daughters does, and they love it. Their neighbours…or some of are quite sociable. If yours doesn’t have one, why not start one yourself! You might find there are more people who like you want to connect.

She’s probably just socially awkward and doesn’t know how to be friendly. For some people it is almost painful not knowing what to say or how to be so they just put their heads down instead

Some neighbours can be very nosy and others don't like small talk. Dont worry about it its not personal some people do not wish to build friendships with neighbours. I had a neighbour who was very intrusive even walked into my house when I forgot to lock the door for this reason I tend to keep myself to myself. Neighbours are people like the rest of us who by chance live by you nothing else about it. They don't have to engage it does not make them bad people some make friends and good for them if that's what makes them happy, Might be rude or anti-social to some but most people just want to live in peace and have other things to be worrying about just respect that and concentrate on what matters. It will do you good to join a mums and toddler group I wish you the best 🙂

I hate feeling in trouble constantly. I don’t feel relaxed here because I’m always wondering what I’ve done, always trying not to make any noise.

Since these feelings seem to be quite a large part of who you are I’d suggest that you may benefit from a few counselling sessions to get to the bottom of what is driving them - and find positive ways of coping with them.

You also need an independent life outside your home and working from home. That more than anything will help you cope with your anxiety. What interests do you have that you could explore further, what would you like to do that you have never done? Joining a fitness group, attending art classes, join a reading club, Meetup group events , lectures at the local library…….

Try and build a life that works for you instead of just hoping that eventually changing jobs will solve everything.

I think it’s a sign of the times. Our street is rapidly getting more and more antisocial as new people move in. It was a street where there would often be neighbours outside chatting. But now most people “keep themselves to themselves” ie don’t speak at all.

Perhaps your neighbour had a bad experience with the neighbour who lived there before you so doesn’t want to get drawn into being friendly with the neighbours again incase the same thing happens. Sometimes being a friendly neighbour can be taken advantage of by some.

From everything you’ve written you’re a considerate polite neighbour. In these circumstances it’s clearly an issue with your neighbour - could be any number of things from mental health related to a dislike of dogs. But the key thing to remember is this isn’t about you it’s about them. I’d keep saying a polite hello if you come directly face to face with them whether they acknowledge you or not but otherwise just remind yourself you have done nothing wrong it’s a them thing and try to relax!

Don't let this woman get to you. Who knows what her problem is - maybe she's just rude, maybe she's ND, maybe (like one of my old neighbours) she's just an absolute loon who thinks you're flirting with her DH when you say "good morning" 🙄Just ignore.

I do this. I’m an introvert and small talk is one of my biggest dreads. The neighbours on one side are lunatics, two sisters in their 50s who never married or had children and have always lived together. They bought a second car purely to park it in front of their house so nobody could park there, they don’t use it! They are convinced people in the area are up to no good constantly. At one stage the couple over the road were filming porn videos apparently and her ‘evidence’ was the red lightbulb in their bedroom… I just do not engage if I can avoid it at all. I would go as far as pretending to look in my boot as a PP mentioned to avoid them.

They honestly might just be introverts like me who want to leave their house in peace without having to engage with the neighbours.

I had this exact same experience with Dorset, moved to Somerset problem solved. 😅

I have a few neighbours like this. I stopped caring and just focus on the ones who do engage

If her husband is perfectly friendly to you then I think it's unlikely you've "done something wrong." My best guess is she's not very socially confident and at some point she didn't acknowledge you because she felt too shy or "caught on the hop," and now she can't face talking to you because she feels she messed up that time and is embarrassed. This is something that happened to me a long time ago in another town.

Could either you or DH face mentioning it to the husband to see if he knows what's going on? It needn't be an accusation, maybe something like "I/Jane would love to get to know Nicky better but she seems quite reserved - what's the best way to approach it?"

OP, how will you manage primary school? - there's alot of not saying hello/'blanking' there too. Neighbour not saying hello is not your problem. If there is an issue, they can come speak to you about it directly.

I am a friendly person but completely understand not everyone wants to be my friend....and that is absolutely fine. Get some help for the anxiety as I think it's clouding your judgement on this situation.

Sorry OP, but I cannot understand why this bothers you so much that you are uncomfortable in your home and you are even thinking of changing your job so as not to be at home as much! That is really unusual thinking. Have you considered CBT to help with this level of anxiety? I do hope you can unravel this and feel better.

Some people are rude - but unless they are actively aggressive, most people just wouldn’t care.

im honestly not having a pop at you, I’m a people pleaser , what have I done wrong person, well I was and it’s absolutely crippling. I can’t tell you how freeing it is to realise I am not responsible for others feelings and I’m not constantly in trouble.

I know the feelings are awful but they are just that ie feelings. They aren’t necessarily true, we create them. We tell ourselves stories. Sandra ignored me this morning she hates me. Meanwhile Sandra has just had a phone call to say her mum is in hospital and she’s in her head and just didn’t notice you.

theres lots of help out there reading wise, go on the podcast app on your phone and search people pleasing.

Ask them?

How was that unkind? We all do it if we have been programmed to people please, we are hyper vigilant as we think it’s our job to make sure people are happy and that if they aren’t we must have done something. Realising we are not that powerful and that other people are adults and need to manage their own moods is a really good lesson. The coping mechanism that kept us safe as kids usually , so a trauma response , we need to learn we can say goodbye to that. None of it is a criticism of the op, it’s rooted in trauma.

A very sweet and kind ost to such a horrible reply.

@TorroFerney remember to be kind, if at all possible 🙄

I agree with this.

I can’t understand why a pleasant wave, a nod or - heaven forfend - taking out bins while on holiday is overstepping the mark.

Our older neighbours are not friendly, but the younger couples/families who have moved here in the past few years are almost hostile and do theatrical blanking. I think I might wave enthusiastically as I pass next time just to really freak them out…..

If you don’t wear your glasses all the time your eyesight will just carry on getting worse you realise?

Of course it explains it. It makes you hypervigilent to people's moods. You can however choose to reform, starting with giving less of a fuck about how your neighbour is behaving. It takes practice but you can do it.