To move house after my sons finished his GCSE

SON'S not SONS

Maybe she wasn’t disabled when she moved there?

I think you need to consider his needs a little more. It's not a small thing to move awar from his friends, his most important support group at a life stage that is typically very difficult for young men. And for those saying he can still see them, not necessarily without a car! Many villages don't have buses or if they do it could make last bus home at 5pm.
16 is old enough for a 50cc motorbike though so he doesn't have to wait for a car. It might be worth considering if someone else in his friends group can host him or house share. 16yr olds can and do move out.
Most important though is talking these things through, make your points, ask for his input.

Autistic spectrum disorder - Many prefer the term autistic but some do prefer to be referred to as having ASD

ASD?

Daily Mail reader by any chance @SnappyBlueViewer ?

Only 1 person has said don’t move and 1 has said move when he’s 18, people are telling OP to move!

You do what you have to do for yourself and the family. You seem to have it well.planbned. What about arranging a private driving course during the summer holidays so he is test ready at 17. My niece did this and passed first time just after her 17th.

So the options are stay in the countryside or move to Gotham city?
I live in the countryside but fear mongering about a move to the local town is somewhat extreme.

What? The OP is talking about moving to the nearest local town. Not to New York…

My mother made us move house when I was 17 and in my first year of sixth form. It undoubtedly changed my friendships and meant that I missed out on a lot of things (as she also wouldn’t give me lifts to attend activities with them). It also forced me to learn to drive, and to do so quickly, as I had to drive to keep attending my current sixth form. Whilst of course I’m glad of the skill now, at the time it was stressful and horrible with the level of pressure. I missed my friends at a really important time in my life, and I can honestly say it’s not something I would do to my kids.

As an aside, I moved out completely at 18 and now speak to my mum only sporadically. This was one of the many reasons for this.

I understand your own priorities, and that you aren’t suggesting you’d be as harsh as my circumstances, but I do feel that you should put yourself in his shoes and imagine how you’d feel to be in such a hard part of growing up then being torn away from all you know and your closest friends, it’s very difficult.

of course he doesn't want to move, he has ASD and is 16.
But that doens't mean you shouldn't move. It just means he needs a lot of support.
I have an autistic daughter, she needs months of emotional planning for big events like this.
As much information as possible, and as few unknowns as possible, but in the end he will cope.

I'd suggest seriously listening to his concerns and what he worries he won't be able to do once you've moved. Actually address each concern.

For example, are there particular friends he is worried about not being able to see? Is "paying for the train fare" the full answer? If it means a 2 hour journey and he can only see them until 6pm, for example, then it clearly isn't.

I'd also point out the advantages of being in a well connected town - will he have more Post 16 options? More chance to find a job? Will his friends actually be keen to spend nights out with him, if there is more going on in the place you are moving to?

He probably doesn't realise that everything changes after GCSE's anyway. His friends will move onto a range of schools, colleges and apprentiships and friendships will change because of the different paths they will take. If you are rural there might even be some who move away to agricultural college etc.

I would continue as you plan. Move, but facilitate him visitng the area to socialise.

I get that it’s upsetting for him but you don’t have any choice.

I wish people on here would read the whole message before commenting..the OP said she needs to move for her Disability..not just because she wants too out of nowhere..people saying stay where you are or don't move for years of until youngest is 18 obviously do not have a Disability of know anyone that has one..
OP you move and your son will be fine..he can still meet up with his friend its not the black ages without technology,trains buses and as you said he will be driving soon..good luck with your move xx

Key to this are what his plans are after GCSEs. As PPs have said, it’s a transition age. New friendships are formed in sixth form option groups or at college.

If he isn’t going on to FE he will be making new friends at work. But make it possible for him to keep up with his friends until the break occurs naturally.

I think she’s talking about a move to a more connected town rather than a major city?

A teenager doesn’t get to dictate what the whole of the rest of the family does, OP. If the move is best for you, everyone else is on board and you’ve accommodated his exams and generously offered him solutions to the increased distance between him and his friends, he’s going to have to suck it up.

Unfortunately it’s a tricky age - 15-18 was, IME, the time when my kids were at their absolute most self-centred and difficult, entrenched in ridiculous notions of ‘unfairness’ and very invested in fitting in and maintaining their friendship groups at all costs. Also ND involved, which exacerbates everything. But the phase does pass, and neither of mine have kept in close contact with more than 1 or 2 of their year 11 mates. They made new friends in 6th form, at uni and at work, and have mercifully grown out of the self-absorption and moodiness!

You’ll probably have a bit of a rocky time for a while if he doesn’t want to go, but you just need to push on through for your own sake. He’ll get over it.

I think you should stay where you are much more safer than the city especially for young boys it can be very dangerous too many gangs be very careful you could be putting your son in a danger zone especially at that age.

Ask him what sort of tent he'd like and let him know that you love him so much you'd be mortified if you bought him the wrong one.

What are his plans after school? Will he be going to college or work or does his current school have sixth form?

His friends are likely to change or to spend more time in town soon anyway.

Given the other circumstances I don't think you have any choice. It's hard trying to balance the needs of so many people.

I think paying for his train fares, driving lessons and maybe a car is very generous of you and totally reasonable. Otherwise he could move in with a friend or get that tent ordered.

Moving house can be a big change so you can talk through his emotions etc. what are his plans for after GCSEs? Mine has gone to a sixth form in a different town and made new friends. He doesn’t even really contact his secondary friends anymore.

ultimately you are the adult and making a decision that is right for you. The younger children need to be settled for transition to secondary and their own GCSE.

plus there will be more for them to do in town like clubs etc that they can catch the bus for.

don’t be held to ransom by one kid. Ask him what size tent he would like?

change is hard. Particularly for ND children there are additional challenges

I moved house every year as a kid due to MOD moves. Managed fine. Thought it was normal 😂 until I was 18 at uni.

I also wouldn’t give them
choice over the house either. You can show it to them as you don’t want them saying no to a house that is right for your family and price.

Buy him.a tent, move to where you want, let him know he can join you at anytime.

He won’t last long in a tent 😉