To pull DS from his school

Is the school an academy type? If it's one with a super strict regime he may benefit from somewhere he can be more relaxed and not feel in an eternal battle.

What's he like at home?

So, he’s ripped books off, stormed off the classes, involved in fights , being super defiant.. and schools response to ADHD questionnaire is “Nah”

that’s where you should be pissed off with school ..

How would an objective observer consider your DS’s behaviour? Sounds bad to me, regardless of any back story.

What are you doing to manage his behaviour? Moving schools will likely just move the problem.

Im surprised that your dd being unhappy with people telling her what he has done is what you are struggling with most. She needs to just role her eyes and get on with her day.

Is your son struggling with the school work? Is this why he is walking out of class/throwing things out of frustration? I would have a meeting with school and ask if they have a 'hub' thats what my sons school called it, where children removed from class go but also my son (and im sure others that need it ) who has Adhd and asd has a pass and if he feels himself getting worked up he can use his pass and go to the hub to calm himself so he isn't then getting in trouble , as he behaviour can escalate if he cant remove him self when needed.

Eh? This is the most bizarre response to poor behaviour I’ve seen on her. Why are you focusing more on your DD here where you should be dealing with your DS’ behaviour? Surely if you sort that out then DD won’t have to be hearing about her brother’s behaviour constantly?
If you don’t suspect any SEN then you really need to be managing this better.

Hasn't this term been about a week or are you somewhere else?

If he's in trouble every day has that built up over time, or has it come suddenly out of nowhere?

I don't see how pulling him out of school will help - what's your long term plan? Have school even asked for a meeting?

You say no diagnosis so do you suspect something that could be diagnosed?

Moving him to another school won't help, unless 1. his behaviour is being caused by the school, 2. you know what needs he has which are not being met by this school and 3. you can identify a different school/option which will meet said needs better.

Agree with a PP in that the information is too vague.

And what hasn't he been diagnosed with?

Depends on why it is happening.

If he is doing it deliberately just to annoy, then you need to be dealing with the behaviour as well, not just leaving it to the school.

If he is out of his depth, not coping with the environment or the work he is being given then that's different and needs a different approach, which could include changing schools or even home schooling for a couple of terms to allow everyone to re-set.

I took my adopted ND DS out of the school system in Y8 as he could not cope and his behaviour was reflecting that.

BUT I was still very clear that his personal circumstances were an "explanation" as to why his behaviour was deteriorating, it was not an "excuse". I did make it clear to him that it was unacceptable and there were consequences at home if I felt it was appropriate.

No advice, but have you got your son’s actual name in your post? Might be worth editing / getting MNHQ to edit if so.

This is too vague for anyone to give solid advice. What exactly is your son doing at school? No point in moving schools if his behaviour continues to wreak havoc...

It’s obviously not working there, what are his thoughts and what would be your alternative?

It depends on what sort of behaviour is he being punished for?

How are you addressing the poor behaviour?