To be surprised nobody helped me?

I always tell my DD and nieces to phone the emergency services, if there is not much people around, especially at night. Sometimes it is trickery to steal from the kind person.

I live in a main road and don’t look out my window all the time so likely those people in the houses never seen you.

I agree with others. They likely thought you were drunk/on drugs unfortunately which is sad 😥

I think many pedestrians don’t realise how invisible they are when walking near a road in the dark / bad weather.
with winter coats being predominantly dark colours and hats etc I have many many times only just noticed a pedestrian as I’ve got past them on my commute home.

i often think that if they suddenly dashed in front of me or collapsed into the road I’d have no chance of stopping.

so I would assume that many drivers of not most of them simply didn’t see you or only just as they went by and then it’s not always easy to stop and go back.

sometimes I want to stop along side someone and tell them that they’re nearly invisible in the dark and while they can see all of the cars going by. We can barely see them and they should think about wearing something reflective when walking in the dark.
joggers are especially bad for it and will often step into the road

Not read the whole thread, so apologies if I’m repeating anyone, but they have done psychological research on helping, and it seems that the vast majority of people are hardwired to go with the crowd, so if no one is stopping others will copy that behaviour, without thinking too much about it, if someone stops to help, it’s likely that others will copy and offer help. I learnt this in my A-levels and I always now think if I don’t stop to help maybe no one else will so do always try. I have several times, even if it’s just to call the police if I feel unsafe to actually approach (as I did when I saw someone being assaulted once).

I do think in larger towns and cities this effect is exaggerated, because you know you don’t know the person and so it’s easier to walk on, whereas in a village or small town you are likely to know the a person in distress or know someone who knows them.

I don’t think it’s about ‘these days’ or people assuming the worst, we’re essentially pack animals and we’re most comfortable following the herd.

I was out in broad daylight and dressed in sports wear - sat on pavement and friend with me also in sportswear.

Drivers kept stopping to ask if we were ok, one stopped and offered a lift

I think it depends on the circumstances as to whether people feel safe to stop and offer assistance. Bright daylight in August and two woman in sports gear "look" safe to offer help

Lived most my life in a major city, but grew up in the countryside. Many years ago, I saw an older man lying in the road at a large roundabout leading to the city centre. Drivers were manouvering round him. I was flabbergasted - stopped to help and called the police as he didn't know his name or address, and was clearly confused. It really dampened my faith in humanity to see him treated like an obstruction in the road.

More recently, I was with a friend in a residential street and a male youth in hoodie approached us (it was daylight) appearing panicked asking for help. He said he had found someone he thought was dead. We were hesitant as tbh the circumstances felt suspicious - sad to say. However I find it very difficult to ignore a cry for help as how can you judge, and what if it is genuine? I'd like to think someone would help me in similar circumstances. Turns out there was a person slumped and very dead looking by some bins in an overgrown front garden. Called an ambulance, attempted to check pulse and do whatever needed to be done. After some prodding, the man woke up, sprung to his feet, looked disoriented then strolled off with the young person who had called us looking slightly sheepish following behind him. Still to this day no idea what that was about and whether it was genuine, a prank or an attempted robbery - though didn't get the vibes of it being the latter.

But still, would help again as you never know.

Sorry this happened to you OP, I'd have stopped to help!

Even if people thought you were drunk and on drugs, is that a reason not to help someone? I once stopped to help a man at a bus stop who would obviously on crack or in a k-hole, he was miles from home and I helped call his wife and wait with him until she turned up. She was less than impressed with him obviously, but very grateful I didn't just leave him to his own devices!

I do my best to help people I see in need in the street but a dark rainy night .. there's a good chance I'm head down walking quickly trying to get home before I get too cold or wet.

I was heavily pregnant and had a severe panic attack on the street out of no where and felt the same - like I was going to pass out or die. I was crying (hormones and fear) and holding onto things to steady myself before I could get to a bench in the far distance. Lots of people passed me, not a single one asked how I was or tried to help. Same when I was stood on a bus about 8 months pregnant - all of the seats taken, driver kept braking heavily I was swinging everywhere as a result. Nobody got up they just watched me stumbling.

I think it’s a fear of over-stepping, interfering, offending etc.

This.
I would be extrememly wary of approaching someone who appeared drunk late at night however concerned I was.
If you'd called out for help someone might have been more likely to try.
If I was concerned I'd have called 999 but they'd probably take so long to come out you might not even know.

I always help someone who has had a fall but also avoid vomiting people. Being taken by surprise with vomming could well be noro and I don't want it! Or drunk and again I don't want the confrontation.

I approached a woman who was on the floor screaming once - with a man looming over her shouting - and she told me to FUCK OFF! And the MAN started defending me. Put me off a bit.

I well remember a young woman lying on a bench at a tube station, and looking the worse for wear. Another young woman approached her and asked gently whether she was all right.
A loud and angry ‘Fuck off!’ was what she got for her pains.

I suspect this is what puts people off, especially if the person would appear to be drunk.

That is awful. I have had several slip incidents and always been shown concern by passers by. I wonder if it depends where you are. I live in a relatively small place with a slower pace of life.

even at A & E people thought my friends dh was drunk, he had had a stroke

Honestly I think people would have thought you were drunk etc and a vomiting stranger is not something medically untrained people want to be dealing with.

I think people can be kind if they understand the situation, such as someone slipping over and falling. People have come up to help me when I have fallen, even a lady pushing a child in a pushchair came over and asked if I needed help.

someone tried to rob me at the tube station 11 am in the morning, no one paid any attention.

I will always, always help. A guy came clean off his motorbike and landed right in front of me some years ago in Central London. I helped him all I could, and also phoned for help. Interestingly, a woman who was standing by and watching said to me "don't be such an attention seeking drama queen, he's fine" (he wasn't). I was gobsmacked and just told her to shut up.

Many other times I have seen pregnant women on the London underground, standing a few seats away from me, while those sitting down bury their faces in their phones. I ALWAYS loudly say "come over here, take my seat!" and they're so bloody grateful that it makes me a bit teary. Then the nose-in-phone people always look up in surprise as if they'd had no idea and hadn't seen the pregnant woman struggling to stay upright.

I also taught my son to help people in need but to proceed with caution. I always remember back in the 80s, my teenage sister trying to help an elderly man who had dropped something. She went to pick it up for him, and was met with a mouthful of the most disgusting, racist abuse (from a bystander, not the elderly man) you have ever heard. This was 1987 and to this day both of us shudder if we recall it.

Even now, I no longer live in London but will always help where I can. An older lady was struggling in Marks and Spencer as the item she wanted was on a higher shelf, and everyone just bustled past her. I stopped and helped and she was so happy.

Sorry that no one helped you OP. I always have done and always will.

If you do see someone who looks ill, please ask if you can help. My late DF collapsed in public a few times before he died. Generally people helped, but once he was sick on the bus and everybody ignored him (a man in his 80s, obviously unwell). It was a heart attack. He called an ambulance himself. He and I both treasured all the people who helped him. I always offer help now, although I’m usually not needed. I’m not medically trained, but I know how much the comfort of someone caring means.

I’m so sorry OP- I think with the amount of drugs and looneys out there many people are just really wary these days - I must admit I’m one who always offers help if I see anyone obviously unwell

I was walking down the road with my small DC and I slipped on some wet leaves and fell flat on my face....it was right by a bus stop...a woman was waiting there, she turned round, gave me a dirty look and turned away. People are awful.

I fainted on the Paris metro a few years back, it was from heat stroke. And I was amazed by the help I received. I wasn’t robbed, people helped me back to my feet and one lady got off the tube, got me a bottle of water and sat with me.
Also I was that one who stopped the metro as they stopped the train and a guide can to assist me.
Luckily it was the Eurostar stop, so they made sure that I reached the terminal OK
I’m still so grateful for all these people and the fact it changed my perception of Paris people.

In my seventies. Mid morning had a mighty trip over a kerb and went headlong. I knew I had broken something and lay still for a long time while I regrouped. No pedestrians about but many many cars passed me lying in the street. Eventually got myself up and went to A and E. Broken ribs and a broken thumb. While I was lying there I was sure someone would come and help me up. I was surprised they did not, especially me being an ole lady and all.

In the past I would've said definite yes, couldn't even watch TV with people throwing up without gagging, but I also used to fight being sick so much so that bugs would last ages as wouldn't leave my body so quickly. I did recently manage with someone in the same vehicle as me vomiting without me even gagging which I was amazed by, so I may not be sick but would still find it very difficult to get near and assist.

Sorry if TMI for others :)

I am sorry you had to experience this, it sounds awful. I hope you have made a full recovery and have seen your GP to prevent this happening again.

I had a similar experience with my DH who due to loss of blood from a dental extraction that was not properly sutured, was in the process of collapsing outside the dentist in broad day light a couple of feet away from a man unlocking his bike. As I was trying to prevent my DH from collapsing with force onto the ground, this man completely ignored us. Holding my husband as he collapsed, in blind panic, I called out to him and said, can you help me?
He then helped me to hold my DH as he collapsed on the ground.
He stayed with him while I ran into the dentists to summon help and and an ambulance was called. As my DH was lying on the ground surrounded by staff from the practice, I thanked the man who said nothing, mounted his bike and road off. I think he thought that my DH was suffering from the effects of drink or drugs! He was still a twat even if this is what he thought!

What a horrible experience OP, you must have been so scared out there alone and feeling so unwell. I hope you are better now and that this never happens again. I like to think that I would have offered to help you but for context the area I live in has a lot of street drinkers and drug users and you see some sights round here so my response would probably be informed by my environment. So it can depend on where it happened, what people are afraid of and the whole regrettably selfish attitude of not wanting to get involved, Having said that I have helped lone women, I paid a young woman's bus fare once when she did not have the right change and the driver was refusing to let her on, it was late and dark and what's a few quid compared to maybe reading about a woman being attacked on her way home. Me and a friend stopped the car and went to the assistance of a young woman slumped on the pavement and weeping, Turned out she had had a row with her boyfriend but she was so appreciative that we spoke to her. My instinct is to help but it is tempered by wariness sadly