My birthday

Well that's because his birthday isn't another ordinary day! And his partner does everything to make "his day" special. He is just another special man?

I would -
stop getting him anything , if he moans to his mum say you have both agreed not to get each other anything.
save the money you would have spent on him and do something nice or treat yourself on your birthday. On Mother’s Day do a nice breakfast for you and kids book yourself a massage or similar..
Make those days about you and don’t waste your energy on him

Sadly I think it’s the “any man is better than no man” mentality

I really dispair that there are so many posts like this. How do you allow this to go on for 12 years and still be annoyed. Year 1, you either set boundaries or go separately. He clearly does not appreciate you or want to recognise you at all. Bare flipping minimum.

Are you sure he'd sulk though? Because tbh carrying on buying him birthday presents every year when he says he didn't want them and doesn't buy you one sounds a bit like martyrdom tbh. I get it - you want to be in a relationship where you give presents to the person you love on their birthday. I would too. But he is clearly not that man. Either leave him or accept that you don't give each other birthday presents.

You dont sound happy op.
Or you would have laughed it off 10 years ago accepted it and just organized your own special days the past 10+ years. Not been in tears.

Yes but they see how unhappy and taken advantage you are too

No one can do a thread about their birthday without someone coming along and commenting that adults shouldn’t want to celebrate their birthday 😴

I love celebrating mine! OP you deserve better.

I get why others are saying you should match his energy and not bother on his birthday. I agree. But it doesn’t make your birthday being ignored any better. It’s lovely that you have such a thoughtful friend- bless her. As someone else has suggested, don’t rely on your husband and just treat yourself on your birthday. A lovely spa day or meal out.

So they will see he’s a thoughtless twat who makes their mum unhappy. Year after year.

Your gift to yourself should be ending it for your sake and your kids. It’s the fact that he is thoughtful to work colleagues and his mum, but not you that’s particularly crap!

How old are your kids?

Honestly, he doesn't sound like a nice person. This is pretty selfish behaviour. I suggest that you take the money you'd have spent on his next birthday and spend it on something for yourself. When his rolls round, you can get him a bar of chocolate and a card or similar.

Seriously though, if someone is refusing to listen to your perfectly normal feelings and dismissing them in this way I would be questioning very strongly if I wanted to be in a relationship with that person.

DH is bad at gift-choosing and I am the previous recipient of a number of things I didn't want and wouldn't have chosen - however they were genuinely gifts eg a horrible jumper that I had to take back and swap, not a household appliance that we needed anyway. But what he does is ask me for a list (I always have lots of things I'd like to have but wouldn't necessarily spend the money on myself) so I get a present which isn't a total surprise but is something I genuinely want. Christmas it was expensive perfume, my birthday was getting some pictures framed for me which was also expensive plus a bit of a faff so it was really nice for me that he put the effort in. And he takes me out for a lovely meal on my birthday etc.

Your husband doesn't care what you want and isn't prepared to put any effort or any money into it. It doesn't have to be loads of money - when we were younger and poorer we didn't spend a lot on each other but we did try to get things that each other would like and enjoy. Nobody is going to enjoy an ironing board. Honestly, a takeaway and a bunch of flowers from the supermarket requires almost zero effort and would be a kinder thought than what he has done.

What is he teaching your children about how to treat their partner? Won’t the kids be confused when you open the presents from them that they have no knowledge of?

Raise the bar. For all your sakes.

Buy yourself a nice gift, from you to you, and open it at breakfast.
Ignore any negative bullshit from him.
Then have a lovely day with your kids, make sure you all have birthday cake.

And don’t forget how he made you feel when it’s his birthday.

@BingIsABrat
Im unsure why you're with this prince amongst men?

What are his good points??

I’ve sat there in tears every single year

every birthday, Mother’s Day, christmas - he gets you bugger all, knowing you have only
one friend and you’re the black sheep of your family.

Honestly @BingIsABrat you and your kids deserve better

Apperently I’m an adult so I don’t need a card or anything. Except this doesn’t ring true when it’s his mum or work mates etc.

So he’s not shit with them.

Just with you, his wife.

Oh come on. Their dad’s a thoughtless twat and has been for years, and their mum is understandably angry and upset about it and now intends to do the same to him, and says he will be pissed off

How is that going to be a happy home? He’s a twat. You clearly think that too.

Why on earth do so many women put up with these utterly shit men? So many threads on here about exactly the same selfish, thoughtless, disrespectful behaviour. Either dump him, or if you won't do that, sit him down and make him explain why he thinks it's fair for you to treat him on his birthday but for you to get absolutely nothing from him, year after year. Explain how it makes you feel. From the sound of him, he won't care and will just make pathetic excuses though. Certainly you should never buy him a card or a present ever again. Not a single one.