To want to leave my partner over a chocolate cake

He won’t be any better when there’s a baby to look after. Get rid of this waste of space.

Sometimes it's just - well - a thing, isn't it? Mine was when I carefully chose a beautiful and romantic gift for my husband on our anniversary and he bought me a toilet seat. Which turned out to be broken. And from Woolworths (which he told me so that I could return it.). So obviously long ago, but the hurt still lingers (and yes he's my ex, although not just because of that). You deserve so much better OP.

500 answers in and zero response from the OP????

I emphasis with you! My husband can be like this with some things (mainly sweet). For my birthday last year my best friend bought me a massive bag of kinder chocolates, pretty much every type of kinder chocolate you can get. I’m not a huge chocolate fan and don’t eat a lot of it, but I do love kinder so it was lovely gift. I said to my husband it would take me 6 months to get through it all and offered him some. Anyway about a week later I really fancied some chocolates went looking for it and couldn’t find it anywhere. He’d eaten the whole lot! Took my gesture of offering him some that evening to mean he could eat the whole fucking lot. Honestly there was such a huge amount. I’m not sure if I was more horrified he’s eaten my birthday present or the fact he’d actually consumed that much chocolate in a week. Needless to say, I went crazy (I was also pregnant) and he now doesn’t touch my food.

I would be absolutely furious OP! Pregnancy cravings are no joke and it’s just fucking rude. I know the cake you are talking about and if he didn’t buy it, why he would even think to eat the whole thing and not leave you any is a complete piss take. What a pig!! I know I’ve just moaned about my DH, but he kept the ship afloat while I was pregnant, he cooked all the meals despite not knowing how, he just got on with it and taught himself. Yours needs to sort himself out quick!!

It sounds like you know his behaviour is a major red flag. This man child sounds selfish and inconsiderate- neither are traits I’d be looking for in a partner or co parent.

Errrrm

Yeah ok lol

My DH is shit at cooking but when I was so ill with morning sickness I could barely move for the first 4 months of pregnancy he did all the cooking and housework.

Trust me that resentment gets A LOT worse when you have a child and the inequities in labour division become very stark. I’d get him to up his game now or you aren’t going to last through the intensity of newborn/baby/toddler stage.

Some unruly dog.....

So "normal" men when you are pregnant with their child become protective and look after you like you are fragile china as they LOVE you
Also "normal' men can cook food and fold washing

Little example: Pregnant with DS2 very sick from early on DH rings me, I am crying as so nauseous, sick, unwell He drives home at lunchtime (40 minutes) gives toddler lunch changes his nappy puts him in his cot for nap while I'm in bed Goes back to work

Another example: Very overdue with DS2 loosing my mind as am so big its a struggle to bend down, DH takes a day off work to be helpful kind supportive caring etc

He can’t even make his own Breakfast??? My 7 year old can pour some cereal in a bowl and put milk on it. He sounds horrendous. Get Out!

I voted YANBU because this screams of hum feeling trapped by the baby and him taking it out on you. He must have survived as a functioning adult before you moved in/while you were dating and quite frankly reading between the lines this feels like some exist rubbish where he has gone "I have got the woman now it's her job". You hit the nail on the head with weaponised incompetence.
You need to think things through.....someone who has no empathy for you and how you are feeling in what is a vulnerable state whilst pregnant is likely to be god awful when you are in labour and not someone you can rely on.
Someone who is so selfish as to not understand or try and understand how you feel and eat the only thing you wanted is not someone you want modelling behaviour for your child.
You need to a cohesive team and be on the same page to be parents, and this sounds like everything will be on you and nothing on him.
Not every relationship is perfect. They all have give and take but seeing you so tired and not wanting to do everything for you that he can is areseholery in the finest.
I am sorry to say but this needs nipping in the bud immediately otherwise it would seem like you could be making a rod for your own back down the line in that you will be doing 95% of everything and resenting it all.
Hugs lovely.

I don’t know but weaponised incompetence is a genius phrase

You will end up with two children if you stay with him. One man-sized. Chuck him in the bin.

I'm sorry to say that I don't think he's keen on the idea of having a baby. Maybe it's the surprise, maybe he'd always be selfish, but he is not a man I'd rely on for a partnership. He's a man child.

I know that isn't nice to hear given your current position, but I think he will get worse when you rightfully prioritise the well being of a small baby/child and you will be left doing it all.

I think I know the cake slices you're on about and I hope he felt really sick after eating your cake. I hope you'll be calling him Bruce from now on

His excuse was that he was hungry because I didn’t cook last night and didn’t make breakfast this morning

If you never cooked for him again, would he ever eat again?

I feel bad for you that you are having a baby with someone like this, he sounds awful.

I do the cooking. I'm better at it, I enjoy it.

When I was pregnant I was sick for the first 22 weeks. I couldn't handle the majority of food and even the smells made me vomit. DH took over all of it. Often cooking two totally different meals because I couldn't stomach much and he needed more than cheese on toast or cheesy chips (or occasionally I wanted some beans or a Yorkshire pudding...don't ask).

He went out at all hours to find things I was craving, because he just wanted to make sure I had eaten SOMETHING and understood the cravings were something my body/the baby needed. He ordered stuff, brought things I'd wanted back with him from work (and didn't complain when I'd gone off them or it turned out they also made me sick).

That's the bare minimum you should be getting from your partner when you're carrying their child. Not utter disrespect.

It's not about the cake. It's about his total and utter contempt for you.

He's going to be a crap parent, I'd move to where your parents life now before you are trapped somewhere with a baby and a lazy dick for a partner.

Well it’s pretty clear which direction this is going. He’s showing you who he is and who he will be going forward. It’s up to you whether you want to stay with him and put up with this or not. He won’t change just so you know, people very rarely do. He’ll continue to expect you to pick up the slack in the house, parent your child almost solely and also work when you return. Just the way it will be.

This man is a first grade cunt.
Get out for your sake.

Yes exactly, the cake was just the final straw

Normally I would say it’s hormonal and normal to want to murder your partner during pregnancy, however… just throw the whole man away. You don’t need to be mothering a man-baby as well as a newborn. He sounds utterly self centred - this isn’t love. No one who genuinely loves, cares and respects for you treats you that way. Good luck in your new life without him.

So let me get this straight - you were out. You brought cake. He ate it because you didn’t make him dinner, nor breakfast?! What an a**! Leave. Now. This person will never help you with the child anyway.

I'm sorry OP but he is telling you in every way he isn't ready to be a dad.
It's not too late to get out and don't it alone or not do it at all. It doesn't get better if you put up with it.
At the very least you need to get some boundaries in place quick smart, cos if he won't do it now, he won't do it when the baby is born. X

Sorry to be brutal but even if you have this baby and leave this pig of a man he will be in your life forever. I would never condone recommending a termination but please consider your future. Giving birth is traumatic, you and your body do not recover instantly. Raising a child is bloody hard work and then when you return to work from maternity then the real juggle hits, and unless you have a 50:50 partner in your life your entire life, finances, career and personal time will be impacted FOREVER. Even so far as your pension savings mean you could be working later in life. As soon as you start compromising everything changes. Being a parent is hard, tiring, expensive and emotionally exhausting. Beyond anything you can imagine. You need a partner who will make as many compromises as you and do as much for you and the child as possible.
If you decide to have the baby you will be doing it solo. Think carefully.