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Original poster

To want to leave my partner over a chocolate cake

665 replies

AreliabfMite · 11/01/2026 17:12

Been with my partner 3 years. The relationship has been fine and we have been genuinely in love. Lived together 2 years.

I’m unexpectedly pregnant, 7 weeks. Partner was terrified at first but has come round to it and says he is looking forward to parenthood but there have been repeated instances of unpleasant and lazy behaviour from him.

I work Monday to Friday 9-6. It’s been shit as I’m exhausted with this pregnancy but life doesn’t stop when you’re pregnant so I’m pushing through it even though it is shit. His work is having a quiet spell at the moment which means he’s only working around 20 hours a week but getting full pay (he’s on a 45 hour contract.) Cooking is all left to me as it “stresses him out” and occasions where I’ve begged him to cook as I’m exhausted and feel sick I have been met with weaponised incompetence, magically forgetting how to make meals he used to make all the time before I moved in. Even household stuff such as folding clothes after they’ve been washed, he will fold them in such a ridiculous manner that I genuinely wonder how the fuck he’s managed to fold it in that shape and then I have to do it all again myself.

I have snapped today. On Saturday I visited my parents who live in another city 2 train rides away. In the city where I changed trains I had an hour to kill. There is a viral slice of chocolate cake (I know…) on Instagram that has been my pregnancy craving, and they had a store in this particular city. They do online orders too but I can never get one as they sell out. I decided to go and treat myself to one. Keep in mind this is a HUGE slice of cake and is essentially a full-size cake just in the shape of a slice.

I had a tiny bit of it (literally one spoon worth) at my parents Saturday evening but it made me feel sick so I put it away. Partner picked me up in the evening and I went straight to bed as I was knackered, cake was left in the fridge.

I was in bed until 1pm today due the pregnancy fatigue, woke up craving the cake. I go down to find he’s eaten the entire thing.

I snapped a bit and stated he knew I’d been craving it. I explained I didn’t mind him having some as it’s huge but to eat all of it was horrible of him. He’s telling me I’m hormonal and need to get over myself but it feels malicious. His excuse was that he was hungry because I didn’t cook last night and didn’t make breakfast this morning. I’m so fucking annoyed at him

OP posts:
Frugalgal · 11/01/2026 18:09

PGmicstand · 11/01/2026 18:03

says he is looking forward to parenthood yet does nothing to help his pregnant partner:
he’s only working around 20 hours a week
Cooking is all left to her
Employs weaponised incompetence

It's not going to get better. My guess is he suddenly realises he's not going to be the centre of attention and this is his way of protesting.

It's not something I'd tolerate.

Agreed. Especially since he's only getting started..

CrapNewYear · 11/01/2026 18:09

Pog166 · 11/01/2026 17:38

The MN consensus that poor OP should terminate both her relationship and her pregnancy seems a bit drastic to me. Yes, it was thoughtless of him, and he should do better, but you should probably cut both him and yourself some slack in the circumstances. If you do take the MN advice, I'd recommend, next time you are about to start a family, having a bit of a clearer idea that both prospective parents want and are ready for it, and committed to the long-term obligations that go with it.

It's not the cake that's the real problem it's the attitude and which is unlikely to change. OP's partner is being an idle shit.

SkinnyOatFlatWhiteForMePlease · 11/01/2026 18:09

He ate it to punish you, seriously take time to consider your future with this man.

SlimShandy · 11/01/2026 18:08

His excuse was that he was hungry because I didn’t cook last night and didn’t make breakfast this morning.

Rule #1 of misogyny: Women are responsible for what men do (or don't do).

tommyhoundmum · 11/01/2026 18:08

AreliabfMite · 11/01/2026 17:12

Been with my partner 3 years. The relationship has been fine and we have been genuinely in love. Lived together 2 years.

I’m unexpectedly pregnant, 7 weeks. Partner was terrified at first but has come round to it and says he is looking forward to parenthood but there have been repeated instances of unpleasant and lazy behaviour from him.

I work Monday to Friday 9-6. It’s been shit as I’m exhausted with this pregnancy but life doesn’t stop when you’re pregnant so I’m pushing through it even though it is shit. His work is having a quiet spell at the moment which means he’s only working around 20 hours a week but getting full pay (he’s on a 45 hour contract.) Cooking is all left to me as it “stresses him out” and occasions where I’ve begged him to cook as I’m exhausted and feel sick I have been met with weaponised incompetence, magically forgetting how to make meals he used to make all the time before I moved in. Even household stuff such as folding clothes after they’ve been washed, he will fold them in such a ridiculous manner that I genuinely wonder how the fuck he’s managed to fold it in that shape and then I have to do it all again myself.

I have snapped today. On Saturday I visited my parents who live in another city 2 train rides away. In the city where I changed trains I had an hour to kill. There is a viral slice of chocolate cake (I know…) on Instagram that has been my pregnancy craving, and they had a store in this particular city. They do online orders too but I can never get one as they sell out. I decided to go and treat myself to one. Keep in mind this is a HUGE slice of cake and is essentially a full-size cake just in the shape of a slice.

I had a tiny bit of it (literally one spoon worth) at my parents Saturday evening but it made me feel sick so I put it away. Partner picked me up in the evening and I went straight to bed as I was knackered, cake was left in the fridge.

I was in bed until 1pm today due the pregnancy fatigue, woke up craving the cake. I go down to find he’s eaten the entire thing.

I snapped a bit and stated he knew I’d been craving it. I explained I didn’t mind him having some as it’s huge but to eat all of it was horrible of him. He’s telling me I’m hormonal and need to get over myself but it feels malicious. His excuse was that he was hungry because I didn’t cook last night and didn’t make breakfast this morning. I’m so fucking annoyed at him

I don't like the sound of this manchild

Mum29338 · 11/01/2026 18:08

Gosh I wrote a similar post about 5 years ago - milestone birthday, DH was a SAHD, he had given me a gift without much thought but my colleagues bought me an expensive chocolate cake they surprised me with. We ate half and I took the rest home. The next day after a difficult day at work I was really looking forward to coming home to slice… to find that DH had eaten it all. I was so upset. And to be fair DH realised he had been a dick and made it up to me.

But back to your post, agree with others, the cake is annoying, but the rest of your post is even more concerning.

pouletvous · 11/01/2026 18:07

so many half decent men turn into incompetent partners once a baby arrives. He has started already

trust that he’s showing you a taste of the future. A glimpse into the crystal ball

take note!

GalaxyJam · 11/01/2026 18:06

If it’s a Bruce then he’s a greedy bastard. We had one for DD’s birthday and there was a decent slice each for 5 of us.
Apart from that, he’s a lazy, thoughtless, selfish arsehole. Does he have any redeeming features?

JMSA · 11/01/2026 18:06

Useless twat.
Sorry, OP Flowers Brace yourself because life is about to get harder x

Purplebunnie · 11/01/2026 18:04

@ScholesPanda has it. This is revenge for you not being his slave and cooking his meals

Pippapotamus · 11/01/2026 18:04

I suspect he doesnt actually want this baby but also doesnt want to be the man that leaves his pregnant girlfriend so the plan is to make you leave him- he gets all the sympathy then doesnt he.

eacapade1982 · 11/01/2026 18:04

If he’s this useless domestically before the kid arrives, he’s very unlikely to step up and do housework or childcare once he’s a father. Most likely he will continue to leave everything to you. Once the child is here you will have even less time as you will be working, childcare and doing all the housework and child- related work. You could give him a chance to step up. Work up a rota for sharing tasks both now and after the baby is born. Tell him he needs to step up and pull his weight in the family. If he doesn’t stick to it, you’re probably better off leaving him.

PGmicstand · 11/01/2026 18:03

says he is looking forward to parenthood yet does nothing to help his pregnant partner:
he’s only working around 20 hours a week
Cooking is all left to her
Employs weaponised incompetence

It's not going to get better. My guess is he suddenly realises he's not going to be the centre of attention and this is his way of protesting.

It's not something I'd tolerate.

Frugalgal · 11/01/2026 18:02

MrsTerryPratchett · 11/01/2026 17:54

It’s worse. He ate the cake as punishment for her not cooking.

He’s scum.

Show quote history

Exactly.

Cherrytree86 · 11/01/2026 18:02

wizzbitt · 11/01/2026 17:59

I wondered if it was a Bruce. Yes, I ate mine in 3 sittings! They're massive. What he’s done is spiteful. You are right to question this man child’s motives. What a dick!

Show quote history

I know right! So greed and gluttony can be added to his list of his negative attributes. Ick ick ick what a turn off
bin him off OP

Cars4Gov · 11/01/2026 18:02

His excuse was that he was hungry because I didn’t cook last night and didn’t make breakfast this morning

Firstly I'm so sorry as don't deserve this. Eating the cake is teen boy selfish behaviour and he isn't responsible enough to be a parent however to blame you is appalling and DARVO. Look it up.

What is his parents relationship like?

BackwaterBob · 11/01/2026 18:02

This man really has it made. No bills and a woman running around cooking for him, and even a disclaimer that he always said he’d be a rubbish partner. He really is having his cake and happily eating it.

hmmnotreallysure · 11/01/2026 18:01

Oh op, I know this is just a tiny snapshot of your life but if this type of behaviour not unusual for him then do you really want yourself tied to this man for the rest of your life and yes I am being serious. He sounds vindictive and useless. You know that once you have this baby you'll have to do everything.

Anonymousforthisone2025 · 11/01/2026 18:00

It's time to decide, do you want to live like this forever? Trust me, get won't get any better when you have a newborn to deal with too

Dollyfloss · 11/01/2026 18:00

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Is it still the school holiday’s?

wizzbitt · 11/01/2026 17:59

Marmite27 · 11/01/2026 17:19

He’s eaten a whole slice of Bruce? Those things are freaking massive. I had to put 2/3rds of mine in the freezer and I’m no massive salad/mumsnet chicken type.

100% YANBU.

I wondered if it was a Bruce. Yes, I ate mine in 3 sittings! They're massive. What he’s done is spiteful. You are right to question this man child’s motives. What a dick!

Dollyfloss · 11/01/2026 17:58

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

It’s shocking isn’t it?

My dh isn’t perfect but by God, he’s a King compared to the stories I read on here every day.

Silverbirchleaf · 11/01/2026 17:58

“His excuse was that he was hungry because I didn’t cook last night and didn’t make breakfast this morning. “

At this moment, my 23 year old is cooking dh and a roast dinner and I’m neither pregnant or ill. The quote above is a forecast of what’s to come. Take heed.

Holidayamaryliss · 11/01/2026 17:58

Auroraloves · 11/01/2026 17:15

Leave. It gets worse from here. Sorry if this seems blunt and harsh but the weaponised incompetence will get worse. Lazy selfish fucker he is.

Edited

This. Have the baby knowing that he won’t contribute anything. You aren’t leaving over cake you are leaving over his absolutely abusive behaviour and yes pretending you can’t cook etc when you can is abuse it’s emotional abuse.
i personally would get shot of him now

SlimShandy · 11/01/2026 17:58

Him eating your cake is the least of your problems.
I would seriously consider whether I wanted to continue the pregnancy and be tied to this utterly pathetic prick forever.
If cooking a meal (something my children were pretty competent at from the age of about 13) 'stresses him out', how are things going to be when you throw a baby into the mix? If he can't cope with feeding himself when you're not there, he's not going to magically turn into father of the year is he?