To want to leave my partner over a chocolate cake

Even household stuff such as folding clothes after they’ve been washed, he will fold them in such a ridiculous manner that I genuinely wonder how the fuck he’s managed to fold it in that shape and then I have to do it all again myself.

My husband is the same. He doesn’t understand that folding is to enable you to store clothes neatly. He just seems to think it’s to crease them.

But OP, these are serious red flags during a first trimester. I get that the baby wasn’t planned but his behaviour is really poor. Do you want your baby raised in a house where dad sabotages mum’s things if she doesn’t cook for him?

Hope you get more chocolate cake soon 🍰

You should be being cherished. Instead he's already started competing with the baby for your care.

Whilst the title suggests otherwise, this really isn’t about the cake.

You’ve listed some huge red flags here, that haven’t improved or appear to have been listened to in any way. Is this a frequent issue in your relationship?

It really sounds like your partner doesn’t want an equal partner, he wants a mother. There is no care or consideration for your wellbeing here and that is the biggest red flag of all.

If he is not capable of supporting you whilst you are carrying his child, it does not leave much hope for when your child arrives and it is inevitably harder.

Trust your instincts. You know this isn’t acceptable behaviour.

I agree.

Also, it's not actually rocket science. I would think most people in this day and age have a passing familiarity with the idea of pregnancy being hard work. If he doesn't, he could always start by assuming his partner is telling the truth when she says she's feeling crap.

(I really hate this thing some people do where they pretend some very ordinary thing is super super complicated and difficult to understand, so as to avoid concluding that men like the OP's partner are being wankers.)

This.

“He will have zero understanding of how terrible you are feeling.”

Well op said “occasions where I’ve begged him to cook as I’m exhausted and feel sick I have been met with weaponised incompetence”
so I don’t think he’s in the dark about her finding it hard.

Solo parenting may be a more empowering and peaceful process for you than attempting to parent baby with this selfish man-child. And as harsh as it sounds, think hard if this unplanned pregnancy is wanted.

The cake is the straw that broke the camel’s back. Just another example of him being completely selfish and completely (deliberately) ignorant of your needs and wants.
Honestly I’d be very seriously contemplating ending the relationship. Certainly I’d be issuing an ultimatum that if he doesn’t start pulling his weight and showing you some respect and consideration then you’ll be off. I’d rather be a single parent than put up with that behaviour in a “partner”.

Tbf it’s not the cake is it? It’s the fact he’s a selfish, lazy tosser. In my experience these types always get worse once a baby comes along or is due to, ie during pregnancy. They sure as hell don’t get better.

I would have a long hard think about your future. If you stay together in a relationship and have this baby and also him as a coparent if you split up now and what that will look like. Whichever you decide, please make sure you don’t take shit from him and try not to rely on him for anything. Make sure he pays child support obviously, but maybe don’t rely on him for childcare so you can go to work for example.

Leave, they get worse. You’ve still got options.

If you think he will grow up and be the man you need you’re going to be disappointed.

Leave him. And take a decent pause of not having a man involved.

Consider carefully whether you want to commit to co-parent with him. Abuse often starts when a woman becomes pregnant.

Unless there was very little chance of meeting a new and better man in the future and having children with them, i think I'd also consider termination too.

Leave now. This is the life you will sign up to if you stay.

Fuck him he's an arsehole.

Just a bit of perspective you are 7 weeks pregnant. You have known you are pregnant for no more than 2 weeks surely. This isnt a prolonged behaviour from him this is all brand new for both of you. He will have zero understanding of how terrible you are feeling. Try and communicate with him. Be vulnerable and tell him you have never felt so terrible in your life and you are hoping it gets better soon but in the meantime he is going to have to step up or else things arent going to get done. He probably isn't taking it as seriously as he should. Everyone telling you to leave him as a knee jerk reaction are telling you to potentially break up a family with a man who yourself claim to be in love with. You are very early in your pregnancy and your hormones are all over the place. Give it time.

It’s not just about a cake, is it? It’s about the fact he’s a selfish, useless, lazy man child bastard.

YANBU

The cake eatinh is a metaphor for what a fucking selfish, lazy twat he is with zero regard for you.

Honestly, I'd not bring a child into this relationship

Edit....the more I think, the more full of RAGE I'm becoming. Honestly, I'd be absolutely fuming. What a cunt.

It’s not just the cake though? It’s the fact you’re a smart woman who realises he is a selfish moron. Cast him back. You need need to parent him and his offspring.

Fast forward your imagination 10 months or so, OP. You're sleep deprived with a newborn clung to you 24/7, and you haven't showered or even brushed your hair for days. Is he going to come home and take over so you can have a bath while he cooks tea? And has a quick tidy round and bungs a machine load of washing in? Or is he going to stand there shouting at why there is no tea cooked and what the fuck have you been doing all day..... oh and he wants sex.

Your answer to that is how you decide whether you stay or go. Because having a baby is pretty much the hardest thing emotionally and physically you'll ever go through, and you want someone on your side for it. Trust me.

For me the bit that's stands out is his excuse....he did it because you didn't cook him dinner or make him breakfast!

This isn't about incompetence, selfishness or laziness (although he is all of those things). This was him punishing you!

I'm willing to bet this is about him not liking that fact that he is no longer your top most priority and him feeling second to the pregnancy (as it should be).

He was punishing you for not putting him first, but he will always come second to the baby whether he likes it or not and this is just the start.

I fear this is the start of a very slippery slope...think very carefully about how you go forward

Sorry to say this, but there’s no way i’d be having a baby with this man, as nearly all the useless men on this site at least started off half decent. This guy is lazy and selfish. Who even eats an entire cake his pregnant partner bought. I’d be leaving him, and considering ending the pregnancy. Trust me, he won’t get any better, only much worse.

Sorry, but this is not a nice man. Bad enough he can’t cook at all but if he can’t even keep his hands off a cake he knows you really wanted to eat, it doesn’t bode well. You aren’t married to this man, tell him he needs to get his act together or this is over. Don’t waste your time, it rarely gets better unless he makes a serious effort.

I’ve not voted because the cake is the least of your problems!!

I really hope this isn’t true!

Get rid of him. He's a walking red flag. You will end up doing everything for baby as well as in the home, while he will sit there and act like another child!

They don't change when a baby comes along. In fact, because life is 100x harder and mums naturally are the primary carer at first, men like him dig their heels in and become lazier and nastier because it's even harder for you to leave.

Leave.

Now.

He's eaten your treat to punish you for not making his dinner. Get rid of him. He won't get better, and he'll behave badly to any future child - and quite possibly encourage them to treat you like a servant too, especially if it's a boy.

I guessed the same. It has to be Bertha.