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Original poster

To want to leave my partner over a chocolate cake

665 replies

AreliabfMite · 11/01/2026 17:12

Been with my partner 3 years. The relationship has been fine and we have been genuinely in love. Lived together 2 years.

I’m unexpectedly pregnant, 7 weeks. Partner was terrified at first but has come round to it and says he is looking forward to parenthood but there have been repeated instances of unpleasant and lazy behaviour from him.

I work Monday to Friday 9-6. It’s been shit as I’m exhausted with this pregnancy but life doesn’t stop when you’re pregnant so I’m pushing through it even though it is shit. His work is having a quiet spell at the moment which means he’s only working around 20 hours a week but getting full pay (he’s on a 45 hour contract.) Cooking is all left to me as it “stresses him out” and occasions where I’ve begged him to cook as I’m exhausted and feel sick I have been met with weaponised incompetence, magically forgetting how to make meals he used to make all the time before I moved in. Even household stuff such as folding clothes after they’ve been washed, he will fold them in such a ridiculous manner that I genuinely wonder how the fuck he’s managed to fold it in that shape and then I have to do it all again myself.

I have snapped today. On Saturday I visited my parents who live in another city 2 train rides away. In the city where I changed trains I had an hour to kill. There is a viral slice of chocolate cake (I know…) on Instagram that has been my pregnancy craving, and they had a store in this particular city. They do online orders too but I can never get one as they sell out. I decided to go and treat myself to one. Keep in mind this is a HUGE slice of cake and is essentially a full-size cake just in the shape of a slice.

I had a tiny bit of it (literally one spoon worth) at my parents Saturday evening but it made me feel sick so I put it away. Partner picked me up in the evening and I went straight to bed as I was knackered, cake was left in the fridge.

I was in bed until 1pm today due the pregnancy fatigue, woke up craving the cake. I go down to find he’s eaten the entire thing.

I snapped a bit and stated he knew I’d been craving it. I explained I didn’t mind him having some as it’s huge but to eat all of it was horrible of him. He’s telling me I’m hormonal and need to get over myself but it feels malicious. His excuse was that he was hungry because I didn’t cook last night and didn’t make breakfast this morning. I’m so fucking annoyed at him

OP posts:
Balloonhearts · 11/01/2026 21:51

Kill him. Get a nice new patio and just chuck him underneath.

osirista · 11/01/2026 21:50

Imagine all this… but with sleepless nights and a newborn. He’s not worth it

Strawberry53 · 11/01/2026 21:49

He’s being absolutely pathetic and to take your cake, that bit of joy waiting for you is messed up!!! You’re literally growing new life the least he can do is get off his arse and make you a decent meal. Trust me having a new baby (while magical) is no joke and having somebody like that drain what little energy you have is going to be no fun at all. I would seriously be considering do I want to be with him.

usedtobeaylis · 11/01/2026 21:48

Cherrytree86 · 11/01/2026 17:30

its just food OP, its there to be eaten

Fucking no.

Namechangerage · 11/01/2026 21:47

ALSO WHY THE FUCK does he need you to make breakfast for him?! I just realised that bit - what did he eat for breakfast before you met?! I am in shock…

CountryMouse22 · 11/01/2026 21:47

'Weaponised incompetence' this is a good phrase! Use it well.

Namechangerage · 11/01/2026 21:45

The not cooking thing is bullshit. He can cook up pasta and bung chicken in the oven, add some veg and pesto, there are so many easy meals.

Eating the whole cake while he knew you specifically bought it for a craving, is psychopathic behaviour. Either he can’t deal with impulse control or he was trying to punish you for not cooking. Please leave this man. He is not who you want to raise a child with.

BufferingAgain · 11/01/2026 21:45

When I saw the title, I thought how bad can this be. But basically it’s another sign that he’s selfish and doesn’t like sharing. He won’t share cooking, laundry or even leave cake for you to share. Guaranteed he won’t share nighttime baby wake ups, bath times or money when you’re on lower pay during maternity leave.

usedtobeaylis · 11/01/2026 21:44

OP please make the arrangements to live your life as away from him as possible now, while you still have the chance to, before the baby arrives. Please. He won't get better. You will have two children. You will be angry and resentful and overloaded and overwhelmed. Please do it now so you're not back on here in two years wishing you had done it earlier and trying to work out how to extricate yourself. The problem is not that you're pregnant and tired, he is the problem. He. Is. The. Problem.

TreeDudette · 11/01/2026 21:42

This is that moment, the one you look back on and think … there is the moment I should have walked away. He’s deliberately punishing you by being helpless and when that wasn’t enough he took your cake on purpose to punish you further. Let this be your eye opener and not the regret that you didn’t act then moment.

Imheretobenosey · 11/01/2026 21:40

AreliabfMite · 11/01/2026 17:12

Been with my partner 3 years. The relationship has been fine and we have been genuinely in love. Lived together 2 years.

I’m unexpectedly pregnant, 7 weeks. Partner was terrified at first but has come round to it and says he is looking forward to parenthood but there have been repeated instances of unpleasant and lazy behaviour from him.

I work Monday to Friday 9-6. It’s been shit as I’m exhausted with this pregnancy but life doesn’t stop when you’re pregnant so I’m pushing through it even though it is shit. His work is having a quiet spell at the moment which means he’s only working around 20 hours a week but getting full pay (he’s on a 45 hour contract.) Cooking is all left to me as it “stresses him out” and occasions where I’ve begged him to cook as I’m exhausted and feel sick I have been met with weaponised incompetence, magically forgetting how to make meals he used to make all the time before I moved in. Even household stuff such as folding clothes after they’ve been washed, he will fold them in such a ridiculous manner that I genuinely wonder how the fuck he’s managed to fold it in that shape and then I have to do it all again myself.

I have snapped today. On Saturday I visited my parents who live in another city 2 train rides away. In the city where I changed trains I had an hour to kill. There is a viral slice of chocolate cake (I know…) on Instagram that has been my pregnancy craving, and they had a store in this particular city. They do online orders too but I can never get one as they sell out. I decided to go and treat myself to one. Keep in mind this is a HUGE slice of cake and is essentially a full-size cake just in the shape of a slice.

I had a tiny bit of it (literally one spoon worth) at my parents Saturday evening but it made me feel sick so I put it away. Partner picked me up in the evening and I went straight to bed as I was knackered, cake was left in the fridge.

I was in bed until 1pm today due the pregnancy fatigue, woke up craving the cake. I go down to find he’s eaten the entire thing.

I snapped a bit and stated he knew I’d been craving it. I explained I didn’t mind him having some as it’s huge but to eat all of it was horrible of him. He’s telling me I’m hormonal and need to get over myself but it feels malicious. His excuse was that he was hungry because I didn’t cook last night and didn’t make breakfast this morning. I’m so fucking annoyed at him

I don’t mean to sound horrible and negative but this is only just the beginning.. you aren’t just in for one child you are also in for a bigger child, HIM!

herefortheclicks · 11/01/2026 21:39

He seems is not ready to be a father or a spouse to a pregnant woman

Lilactimes · 11/01/2026 21:38

He sounds awful. I would worry he will only get worse when the baby comes. He doesn't seem to be cherishing you.

I would think very carefully about your future and options.

Wardrobeanswers · 11/01/2026 21:32

Marmite27 · 11/01/2026 17:19

He’s eaten a whole slice of Bruce? Those things are freaking massive. I had to put 2/3rds of mine in the freezer and I’m no massive salad/mumsnet chicken type.

100% YANBU.

Was thinking this too.

It’s not just thoughtless- it actually sounds malicious.

the fact he blamed his ‘hunger’ on you not cooking for him shows he did this to spite you.

The weaponised incompetence sounds very like my ex. The behaviour really stepped up a gear when I got pregnant.

it just gets worse. Have a really good think about your options.

ChilledBeez · 11/01/2026 21:31

AreliabfMite · 11/01/2026 17:12

Been with my partner 3 years. The relationship has been fine and we have been genuinely in love. Lived together 2 years.

I’m unexpectedly pregnant, 7 weeks. Partner was terrified at first but has come round to it and says he is looking forward to parenthood but there have been repeated instances of unpleasant and lazy behaviour from him.

I work Monday to Friday 9-6. It’s been shit as I’m exhausted with this pregnancy but life doesn’t stop when you’re pregnant so I’m pushing through it even though it is shit. His work is having a quiet spell at the moment which means he’s only working around 20 hours a week but getting full pay (he’s on a 45 hour contract.) Cooking is all left to me as it “stresses him out” and occasions where I’ve begged him to cook as I’m exhausted and feel sick I have been met with weaponised incompetence, magically forgetting how to make meals he used to make all the time before I moved in. Even household stuff such as folding clothes after they’ve been washed, he will fold them in such a ridiculous manner that I genuinely wonder how the fuck he’s managed to fold it in that shape and then I have to do it all again myself.

I have snapped today. On Saturday I visited my parents who live in another city 2 train rides away. In the city where I changed trains I had an hour to kill. There is a viral slice of chocolate cake (I know…) on Instagram that has been my pregnancy craving, and they had a store in this particular city. They do online orders too but I can never get one as they sell out. I decided to go and treat myself to one. Keep in mind this is a HUGE slice of cake and is essentially a full-size cake just in the shape of a slice.

I had a tiny bit of it (literally one spoon worth) at my parents Saturday evening but it made me feel sick so I put it away. Partner picked me up in the evening and I went straight to bed as I was knackered, cake was left in the fridge.

I was in bed until 1pm today due the pregnancy fatigue, woke up craving the cake. I go down to find he’s eaten the entire thing.

I snapped a bit and stated he knew I’d been craving it. I explained I didn’t mind him having some as it’s huge but to eat all of it was horrible of him. He’s telling me I’m hormonal and need to get over myself but it feels malicious. His excuse was that he was hungry because I didn’t cook last night and didn’t make breakfast this morning. I’m so fucking annoyed at him

The fact he ate the whole leftover cake tells you all you need to know about this man-child and it's got nothing to do with the cake. Run for the hills.

thestudio · 11/01/2026 21:30

This is going to get so much worse. Sorry OP.

YourWildAmberSloth · 11/01/2026 21:29

The cake is the least of your worries, I'm afraid. 'The relationship is fine' and 'there have been repeated instances of unpleasant and lazy behaviour' do not belong in the same sentence. He is showing you who he is, and I'm sorry to say it won't get better when the baby arrives.

thenightsky · 11/01/2026 21:25

GrumpyUngulate · 11/01/2026 21:20

I'm a man, a greybearded father of two adult children. Seems to me that your partner is not looking forward to unexpected parenthood at all. His behaviour is calculated to communicate that if you decide to go through with this pregnancy, you should not expect any help from him. Your choice, your consequences etc.

If you love him very much, book a termination and hope that he grows up in time to start a family. I'm sorry, this is an awful choice for any woman but introducing a demanding new-born baby to this relationship now will probably end it anyway.

100% listen to this. I think he's got your DP spot on.

Shellythesnail2333 · 11/01/2026 21:24

GarlicSound · 11/01/2026 20:57

Yep - you're being trained, OP. Trained to do it all and expect nothing.

Having a baby with Mr King Of Everything would be worse than by yourself: as well as doing it all, you'd be doing it all for him too, no doubt with whining about your being exhausted all the time and not giving him the attention he thinks he deserves.

I'm with everyone else saying get out now! And buy yourself a cake.

Show quote history

This! I’m fuming on your behalf!! He ate the cake because YOU didn’t cook him dinner the night before, and YOU didn’t make his breakfast (you was at your parents, so he was obv peeved to fend for himself for 1 night!!), FFS, useless!!

CaptainCarrotsBigSword · 11/01/2026 21:24

Lafawnda · 11/01/2026 17:21

Are you sure you want to tie yourself to this man for years? Even if you left youd have a baby and him to deal with?

At 7 weeks I would reconsider the pregnancy for a clean break.

Honestly same. This is not a man to be tied to for the next 20 years.

He will get worse not better.

Ellie56 · 11/01/2026 21:22

You can leave for whatever reason you like.

What a selfish greedy pig, eating the whole chocolate cake! I hope it gives him the shits.

And he only works 20 hours a week and does nothing round the house? He couldn't even make you beans on toast for your tea? He is a lazy incompetent useless twat. Throw him out. You can do so much better than him.

bevm72yellow · 11/01/2026 21:20

You want a baby. He wants to be looked after even if it means you are not looked after. Both of you have different needs. Your drive for a baby has overshadowed your perception prior to this ( this is not criticism) Now you see him clearly. No more arguing Decide what you need to do for yourself.

GrumpyUngulate · 11/01/2026 21:20

I'm a man, a greybearded father of two adult children. Seems to me that your partner is not looking forward to unexpected parenthood at all. His behaviour is calculated to communicate that if you decide to go through with this pregnancy, you should not expect any help from him. Your choice, your consequences etc.

If you love him very much, book a termination and hope that he grows up in time to start a family. I'm sorry, this is an awful choice for any woman but introducing a demanding new-born baby to this relationship now will probably end it anyway.

Gettingbysomehow · 11/01/2026 21:18

For God's sake don't have a baby with this man. Men like this show their true colours when there is a pregnancy and are even worse when the baby is born. Your life will be a nightmare and you will basically be a single parent.

Mumtobabyhavoc · 11/01/2026 21:18

whatisheupto · 11/01/2026 20:59

Please come back and tell us you have split up with him OP.

He is showing you who he is. Listen to him and believe it.

And take the advice of the hundreds of women on here who have seen this shit before and learn from us.

This