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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think this is too much for a 30th?

117 replies

Savante · 11/01/2026 16:05

I’ve got a friend who I’ve been friends with since university. There are four of us who are still in touch. This friend is 30 this time next year and asked if we want to go away for the weekend to Scotland to celebrate. I agreed.

However, friend has now decided she wants to go abroad. She’s found huge self catering villa in Italy and it’s stunning. It sleeps 20, and if full would cost us £200 each plus about £250 for flights. Everyone has happily agreed but AIBU to think it’s a bit much for a 30th? For a hen or a 50th or a wedding, of course, but I think it’s a lot of money to spend on someone’s birthday for a weekend away with her friends and family who I’ve never met (except her parents and one sibling).

OP posts:
Delatron · 11/01/2026 16:28

I mean you get a trip away to Italy for £450 - sounds like an amazing deal to me.

But you’re not in the right frame of mind for it. Especially as you think that’s £££. Which is absolutely fine - just say no.

PennyLaneisinmyheartandmysoul · 11/01/2026 16:27

Followthesunshine · 11/01/2026 16:17

Who covers the additional cost if you don't find 20 people to go? I am unclear about the sleeping 20 people reference.

And this, is it £450 depending on 20 going and paying?

FieryA · 11/01/2026 16:26

Why are the rules for celebrating a 30th different to that of a 50th? She wants to celebrate her way. Find out all the costs involved. For eg. What will the €200 cover? Will the group be buying a gift as well? You can choose to do whatever is reasonable for you. And if you don't want spend the money, then just decline the invitation.

TidyDancer · 11/01/2026 16:20

Why would it be too much for a 30th but not for a 50th? Fwiw I agree with you in that I wouldn’t pay that much to go to a birthday celebration unless for immediate family but I’m not clear where the distinction is here.

Throwanon · 11/01/2026 16:20

PennyLaneisinmyheartandmysoul · 11/01/2026 16:16

At least! Because it’ll then be… oh birthday girl can’t pay for the holiday, we’ll need to get champagne and special birthday cake and treats, oh and everyone put in for a joint present, and stuff to decorate…🤑🤑🤑

Show quote history

Well given the birthday girl is involved in the planning and this isn’t a surprise for her, I doubt there will be as much mileage in the extra costs. Plus, as her actual family are going, I’d expect them to sort things like birthday cake instead of friends.

AwfullyGood · 11/01/2026 16:19

It's not too much for her. Her birthday, her choice how to celebrate etc.

If it's too much for you, don't go. It's an invite not a summons.

Throwanon · 11/01/2026 16:18

I mean it probably depends on your income bracket. A bunch of high earning 20 somethings probably can and do spend £450
on celebrating a birthday.

Whereas you’ll get others who wouldn’t even spend £450 on a wedding or 50th as they can’t afford it.

So it’s all relative.

Personally, I like having people in my life who have nice celebrations and events. I’d much rather go to Italy to celebrate a birthday than spoons or whatever.

Followthesunshine · 11/01/2026 16:17

Who covers the additional cost if you don't find 20 people to go? I am unclear about the sleeping 20 people reference.

PennyLaneisinmyheartandmysoul · 11/01/2026 16:16

caringcarer · 11/01/2026 16:10

I think £450 a lot to pay out for 2 days to celebrate a 30th. You'd also still have to buy food/drinks for 2 days and buy the birthday girl a gift. You are looking at £500.

At least! Because it’ll then be… oh birthday girl can’t pay for the holiday, we’ll need to get champagne and special birthday cake and treats, oh and everyone put in for a joint present, and stuff to decorate…🤑🤑🤑

TheaBrandt1 · 11/01/2026 16:15

Sounds like a lovely idea and a bargain. Life can be short.

Cat1504 · 11/01/2026 16:14

Just say no thanks thanks…. Doesn’t matter what you think….not your birthday 🤷‍♀️

Catsandbikes · 11/01/2026 16:12

If you can afford it , go. By the time the next milestone birthdays come around there could be husbands, kids etc in the mix. You can always earn more money but you don't get these times back. A villa in Italy sounds like a perfect getaway with friends.

BanningTheWordNaice · 11/01/2026 16:10

I don’t understand the people who say “is this too much’. It’s too much for you, clearly. That’s okay, you don’t have to go.

But for one of my close friends? I’d go and have fun. I say that as someone who doesn’t even bother celebrating their birthday.

Pancakeflipper · 11/01/2026 16:10

I think the reason for the celebration is irrelevant. Isn't more of a do you want to go? Will it be fun, can you afford to go?

caringcarer · 11/01/2026 16:10

I think £450 a lot to pay out for 2 days to celebrate a 30th. You'd also still have to buy food/drinks for 2 days and buy the birthday girl a gift. You are looking at £500.

MammaWeasel · 11/01/2026 16:09

VickyEadieofThigh · 11/01/2026 16:07

It's not too much if enough people want to do it - but if you don't, it's perfectly acceptable to wish her well and say you can't make it.

First post nails it

VickyEadieofThigh · 11/01/2026 16:07

It's not too much if enough people want to do it - but if you don't, it's perfectly acceptable to wish her well and say you can't make it.