To think this is too much for a 30th?

Yes. £450 for a weekend in Italy, including flights and accommodation is a bargain.

However - if it’s not a group of your friends and you won’t enjoy it then just say no. Her family and random people - I’d say no.

20 of my friends. A big yes.

If it seems expensive to you then again say no.

Sounds great fun! Don't go if you dont want tio!

No, life is for living. Sounds like great fun and a good deal.

This.

So not sure which way to vote.
If she knows 20 people who would be likely to go, then it's not too much.
But I suspect this is going to be one of those things where the price creeps up and up - where's the food and drink costs ? - presumably price goes up for every place not filled, how realistic is it more than about 6 people will actually want to go (and be able to afford both the time and money to go) ?

So the villa will cost £250 each if 20 of you going? Are there 20 going? If not, will cost more each?

Yabu in that it shouldn’t matter what the occasion if people want to meet up and have a party and some fun

You also haven’t said how much more expensive it was than the Scotland weekend - 3 nights in a premier inn would easily be over 200 and 200 for a train ticket so the devils in the detail

There is going to be extra costs on top, so if you are on the margin of affording it then don't go. It's not fun if you are continually having to consider whether you can afford any of the meals out or not participating in something because you don't have the cash when you are away as a group. Make the decision for yourself. You can have a night out when your friend returns if that works.

It is a lot for a birthday BUT just treat it as a break away for yourself - if it is something you want to do it’s worth the money, if you wouldn’t get excited for it then don’t go, just say it’s over budget.

£450 for a trip to a lovely villa in Italy sounds like a bargain to me! I’d go!

Absolutely this

do you want to - go
do you not want to go / spend that much - decline

It's whether you want the experience of staying in a lovely villa in Italy or not. If you do, do it. If not, don't I'd extend it and find an apartment or something and make it a holiday.

I went to a wedding abroad. It cost me £2k but the whole experience was fantastic. The wedding was two days but I stayed for a week. I'll never forget the wedding it was fantastic.

I would have loved to have done this to celebrate a good friend's 30th. When I was in my late 20s I had the means to be able to able to afford this no bother, and I didn't have kids to look after. Unfortunately I didn't get the opportunity because my friends were ploughing their time and money into weddings and babies. Everyone has different priorities, and it's up to you whether you want to spend time and money on this trip.

It sounds great, if you can't afford it don't go though

I don’t think whether it’s a 30th, a hen or a 50th makes much difference really. You either want to go or you don’t…you can either afford it or you can’t…tbh you can agree to it, it’s fabulous or you think it’s too much…whatever one you sign up to.

just for examples and comparisons, we had no money when I turned 30. I was training for another (better) job, I had a husband who worked away, 2 primary school children and caring for an elderly grandparent. All whilst working full time. Oh and house was falling down with no money to repair it. We went for a family meal that I think my uncle paid for. Maybe yes my 30th was living in another time…I didn’t know anyone who did holidays and villas abroad…but good luck to them if they did. However my 50th was spent on an amazing far flung shore with just my husband with our financial position and probably our lives totally different. Just two parallel comparisons of the two birthdays. Both completely different at either ends of the spectrum. I guess it’s the same for the 30th you’re taking about…for some it will be a massive outlay that they simply can’t afford, for others it will be an easy cost for them.

to be objective I’d be a bit worried if I was on the edge of just about affording it, will the price go up per person if others drop out (I’ve just a read a hen thread that the price keeps increasing on).

in answer to your actual question, is it too much? The birthday girl obviously doesn’t think so, it’s just a question for you whether it is too much in money or just OTT in general. That’s the only thing you needed to get clear in your head. It’s an invitation, you don’t have to go. If it’s too OTT for you and not your thing, politely decline. If you think the money is better spent elsewhere for you, also politely decline.

I’d say 30 is as big as 50… if you don’t want to go then just let her know you can’t afford it.

My main issue is that I wouldn’t want to go away with her family. That’s not a girls trip. I’d happily pay the money though.

I went to New York for a friend's 30th, was more £ than that. Had an amazing time. BUT if you can't afford it / dont want to spend it, don't go.

Well, if you want a nice holiday with friends, it's not too much.
None of my friends have ever done anything like this for a birthday, because we don't make a fuss about adult birthdays, but we've certainly spent a few hundred quid on a weekend in London, or wherever, just because we want a break.

Seems fine to me and certainly not too much money for a weekend away with friends.

This

I knew several 30 somethings that never made it to 50. Plus once you have kids it gets quite serious and dull for a while. If you can afford it and want to go I would definitely go. If you can’t then don’t. Mean to slag her off on the internet though.