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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think this is too much for a 30th?

117 replies

Savante · 11/01/2026 16:05

I’ve got a friend who I’ve been friends with since university. There are four of us who are still in touch. This friend is 30 this time next year and asked if we want to go away for the weekend to Scotland to celebrate. I agreed.

However, friend has now decided she wants to go abroad. She’s found huge self catering villa in Italy and it’s stunning. It sleeps 20, and if full would cost us £200 each plus about £250 for flights. Everyone has happily agreed but AIBU to think it’s a bit much for a 30th? For a hen or a 50th or a wedding, of course, but I think it’s a lot of money to spend on someone’s birthday for a weekend away with her friends and family who I’ve never met (except her parents and one sibling).

OP posts:
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Crushed23 · 11/01/2026 23:23

Nope, not at all “too much”. Just don’t go if you don’t want to, it’s not compulsory.

For my 30th my friends and I went to Ibiza to celebrate. Was absolutely amazing 🤩 Who says 30th isn’t as big a deal as 50th or a hen do (WTF?)?

ElevensesKing · 11/01/2026 22:06

Also, it's too soon after Christmas to be going on an extravagant weekend away & money is tight for many people in January. I personally wouldn't go away for the trip abroad but would do for the Scotland trip.

TheaBrandt1 · 11/01/2026 21:39

There’s only one angry poster - the op! Clearly needs a holiday!

Moveoverdarlin · 11/01/2026 21:32

Sounds quite cheap to me. But if you don’t and can’t justify it then politely decline.

Original poster
Savante · 11/01/2026 21:31

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 11/01/2026 21:28

That must be such a relief that within 3 hours of your writing your thread the friend has changed her mind altogether and is going to go somewhere else.

Thank goodness it didn't drag on for days or even weeks.

I guess she only thought of the trip abroad today and her family/friends reacted very quickly once it was suggested.

Yeah, WhatsApp set up today, a few said they couldn’t afford it, and so she’s looked for and has found a couple of cheaper, closer, easier options.

OP posts:
OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 11/01/2026 21:28

That must be such a relief that within 3 hours of your writing your thread the friend has changed her mind altogether and is going to go somewhere else.

Thank goodness it didn't drag on for days or even weeks.

I guess she only thought of the trip abroad today and her family/friends reacted very quickly once it was suggested.

Original poster
Savante · 11/01/2026 21:19

Delatron · 11/01/2026 21:15

Not angry at all. Bemused maybe.

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Sure.

OP posts:
Delatron · 11/01/2026 21:15

Savante · 11/01/2026 21:06

You’re very angry about a situation you’re reading about on the internet.

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Not angry at all. Bemused maybe.

Original poster
Savante · 11/01/2026 21:06

Delatron · 11/01/2026 20:52

So it’s a couple of hundred quid less to stay in the UK versus flights and a lovely Italian villa. I know what sounds like the better deal. Suddenly you’re ok to go away with her family and friends you don’t know.

But you really sound like you don’t like her and don’t want to go so tell her rather than moaning on here and continually changing the goalposts.

You’re very angry about a situation you’re reading about on the internet.

OP posts:
Delatron · 11/01/2026 20:52

So it’s a couple of hundred quid less to stay in the UK versus flights and a lovely Italian villa. I know what sounds like the better deal. Suddenly you’re ok to go away with her family and friends you don’t know.

But you really sound like you don’t like her and don’t want to go so tell her rather than moaning on here and continually changing the goalposts.

Original poster
Savante · 11/01/2026 20:43

RecordBreakers · 11/01/2026 20:30

It's the only thing I can think of @Savante

When dh and I go away we rarely pay more than £100 per night between us (ie £50pp, per night) and then it tends to get cheaper per person, the bigger the accommodation.

We've just booked a cottage for September (sleeps 8 but 6 of us going) for £1270, so approx £30pp per night with 6 of us going. Not sure why everyone is so incredulous.

Yes exactly. When my partner and I go away in Britain to a holiday home we pay £100 each per night maximum. When the six of us who usually go away together go it’s a lot less. We went to a four bedroom, four bathroom beautiful detached old cottage with a hot tub in November for three nights and the six of us paid £170 each for the whole stay.

OP posts:
Didimum · 11/01/2026 20:42

Live while your young.

TheatreTheatre · 11/01/2026 20:37

£450 for a holiday I wouldn’t choose with people I don’t know I wasn’t keen on.

This is the crux of it.

Arrange a UK cottage of your more usual budget to celebrate yours and another member of the friendship group’s birthday and give this one a miss.

RecordBreakers · 11/01/2026 20:30

It's the only thing I can think of @Savante

When dh and I go away we rarely pay more than £100 per night between us (ie £50pp, per night) and then it tends to get cheaper per person, the bigger the accommodation.

We've just booked a cottage for September (sleeps 8 but 6 of us going) for £1270, so approx £30pp per night with 6 of us going. Not sure why everyone is so incredulous.

PinkyFlamingo · 11/01/2026 20:30

Savante · 11/01/2026 18:08

It would never be £200 for the train for us.

It probably would’ve been about £200 each. My main issue isn’t even really the money. Ive realised it’s being asked to pay £450 for a holiday with this friend’s friends and family on top of an abroad hen and wedding all in the next two years too. I know it would not be reciprocated. I also know that if I say no, it’ll be taken as a slight. I wouldn’t get away with saying I can’t afford it. I will have a think about it before I commit.

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So what if it's taken as a "slight", by saying she wouldnt care about anyone else's birthday doesn't make her sound very nice anyway.

Original poster
Savante · 11/01/2026 20:29

Emsie1987 · 11/01/2026 20:28

Money aside I personally wouldn’t go. The trip has changed. If it was a girls trip with your friends, 100 per cent if I could afford it. But if it was not with my group of girls and with people I wasn’t sure on then it becomes an obligation.

Yes, this is the nail on the head. It felt like an obligation.

OP posts:
Emsie1987 · 11/01/2026 20:28

Money aside I personally wouldn’t go. The trip has changed. If it was a girls trip with your friends, 100 per cent if I could afford it. But if it was not with my group of girls and with people I wasn’t sure on then it becomes an obligation.

PrincessHoneysuckle · 11/01/2026 20:28

caringcarer · 11/01/2026 16:10

I think £450 a lot to pay out for 2 days to celebrate a 30th. You'd also still have to buy food/drinks for 2 days and buy the birthday girl a gift. You are looking at £500.

More like a grand

Marble10 · 11/01/2026 20:28

So it’s a 4 grand villa? It is a bit OTT. Some people like to use these things as an excuse to get away for a mini break.

30th bday is not much different to a 50th though, why do you think it is out of interest?

FunnyOrca · 11/01/2026 20:27

I think it depends on the situation.

I had a friend do a 30th abroad. This friend lives abroad (not same country we went to) and has said she is never getting married or having kids. I’ll never have to spend big to travel to these events for her so I saw her 30th as something similar. The flights alone were £900, which was a bit steep for me but I just had to swallow it! We had a wonderful time and made excellent memories! She was also a great host and paid for the first and last night dinners and stocked the airbnb with fizz.

Original poster
Savante · 11/01/2026 20:26

RecordBreakers · 11/01/2026 20:22

The OP is talking about the pp price (ie, what she would have to pay for a weekend in a cottage with friends) not the price of the whole place.

Is this what’s causing the very odd replies? No idea why people would think I’ve suddenly gone from talking about the cost per person to the cost per accommodation.

OP posts:
Original poster
Savante · 11/01/2026 20:25

TheaBrandt1 · 11/01/2026 20:22

Hmm everytime I’ve stayed somewhere suspiciously cheap it’s been horrendous! I would be extremely wary staying somewhere that cheap the hot tub could be a
a inflatable one in someone’s back garden.

How much would you normally pay for two nights in a British cottage? And how many people would usually be there? £200 is not anything like suspiciously cheap.

OP posts:
Newsenmum · 11/01/2026 20:24

Will anyone else be doing a 30th like that? Because if you’re all turning 30 it doesn’t sound feasible! Can the others all afford it?

Original poster
Savante · 11/01/2026 20:24

Delatron · 11/01/2026 20:19

I know right? So OP is saying a really nice cottage with a hot tub for £100 a night (£200 for the weekend). I’ve never found anything that cheap.

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Where on Earth are you looking?

OP posts:
TheaBrandt1 · 11/01/2026 20:22

Hmm everytime I’ve stayed somewhere suspiciously cheap it’s been horrendous! I would be extremely wary staying somewhere that cheap the hot tub could be a
a inflatable one in someone’s back garden.