This is my first post so please go easy-Ok backstory- been married to dh for over 10 years…2 dc. Things are mostly fine except for this! dh’s family come across as a very normal Family except that his df was in a very high earning career and they are exceptionally frugal (to the point that actually drives me insane) and I’m known for liking a good bargain! Ok so all this money tha his df made has been siphoned off into trusts/accounts etc (same as what is father did apparently) “For the children” tbh I don’t know the full details as I’m kept in the dark on this stuff.
dh is always saying “oh the money is there, don’t worry it’s there for us and the dc when we need it” great, you would say except it’s not. Aside from 20k that we were allowed to use for our wedding, we have not used or dh hasn’t even entertained asking to use it. For example…we needed a new roof last year- we had to get a loan. One of the dc needed treatment for a medical issue, the waiting list was ridiculously long…decided to opt for private! Could we access money…no! We had to put it on a Credit Card.
This is all fine, ok not major life emergencies, we can deal with it. So here is the clincher…we were taking the other evening about the dc as one of them is enjoying a new hobby. Dh said “Wouldn’t it be great if if he followed that path?!No university costs for us, no loans for them. To which I said “well they won’t have loans anyway dh because isn’t that what the trust is for? The dc? Their future?” He squirmed and said yeah well you know I think it would be easier to make them really work for it if they want it?! Don’t you?”
Honestly I blew up…if they CANNOT use it for education then wtf is it even there for?! I asked him outright? Do these trusts even exist? Has he seen the paperwork etc? Yes he has and it’s for multiple hundreds of thousands but wouldn’t explain what the are exactly or how much extactly…he keeps me in the dark entirely!…yet while say in another breath “aren’t we so lucky that the money is there!?
I feel so led on, if we can’t use them, if dc can’t use them, then why do they exist!!what is the point. It’s like he dangles this weird carrot!
before anyone says im a gold digger of any sort im not. I only found out about these trusts after we got married. I am the higher earner in the marriage too. I just feel like the longer this goes on the more I want nothing to do with it all. What do I do or say?! Please