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Original poster

Should husband have got taxi at 4am after finishing work late?

332 replies

Groay · 10/01/2026 18:12

Husband is a pilot. He ended up at an airport that is not his home base. This meant he stayed overnight in a hotel. I was fine with this. But I have since learned that everyone except him chose to get in a paid for taxi in the very early hours. Husband’s taxi was for 2pm the next day. Everyone else wanted to gain that day back by getting the travel over and done with.

It meant that I had to cancel an event I wanted to go to. Dh knows I was trying to figure out alternative childcare but the hassle wasn’t worth it in the end so I sacked it off.

Do I have a right to be mad? Dh could’ve slept for three hours in the taxi and then driven the 20 mins home. And had basically the whole next day to chill with the odd drop off here and there for kids.

He said he was knackered. He FaceTimed me from bed and he was definitely tired but I can tell when he’s exhausted. He was actually quite talkative and I had to say get some sleep to him! I was up with poorly baby

OP posts:
Sunshineandrainbows23 · 10/01/2026 19:41

I think you are being unreasonable. Better safe than sorry.

Babyboomtastic · 10/01/2026 19:40

I'm very torn here.

I cc an see that the amount and quality of sleep he'd have got if he'd followed your plan, would have been rubbish, and that doesn't sound like the safest option. The others might have gone home, but they may have been able to sleep in a house without kids for as long as they wanted.

But equally, I remember the days of truly terrible sleep with babies/toddlers. The idea of a potential block of 5 hours (it wouldn't have been 6) sounds great in that content. Heck, my kids are 6+8 (though still have chronic sleep issues) and 5 hours is pretty normal for me. I remember the days of hourly wake ups and the fighting to stay awake with work (thankfully at home). As I WFH 100% I never 'have' to drive tired, so I don't.

But as someone said, the world would grind to a halt if people didn't sometimes push through tiredness. I think so many (mostly) mums drag themselves to work by car after 3 hours work on a daily basis, that this blokes choice although objectively reasonable, seems rather indulgent.

CanSeeClearlyNowTheRainHasGone · 10/01/2026 19:37

Shinyandnew1 · 10/01/2026 19:23

That’s when the taxi was booked for (via airline).

If they ended up at the wrong airline at 4am, why would the airline book them a taxi at 2pm?

Because 4am + 8h sleep = noon. Add some time for getting off, getting up and vacating the room and having breakfast and you're at 2pm.

It's standard planning.

I went mad when we made it to the hotel for 4am, and they expected us to grab a 8am taxi - guaranteed no sleep fretting over missing the taxi.

Jellycatspyjamas · 10/01/2026 19:37

Uhghg · 10/01/2026 19:35

If you only live 15mins away then why would it have taken 3 hours in a taxi?

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Because his flight was diverted to an airport 3 hours away from his home airport.

Spoodles · 10/01/2026 19:36

Uhghg · 10/01/2026 19:35

If you only live 15mins away then why would it have taken 3 hours in a taxi?

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Because the plane was diverted to another airport.

ETA - she meant the drive would only have been 15 minutes after the 3 hour taxi ride. Still 15 minutes is plenty of time to crash through tiredness but the OP seems to not have minded that being a possibility.

Uhghg · 10/01/2026 19:35

Groay · 10/01/2026 18:23

We live 15 mins away from the airport

If you only live 15mins away then why would it have taken 3 hours in a taxi?

reversingdumptruckwithnotyreson · 10/01/2026 19:35

Unless you had a reason to be upset he chose to say (ie strong suspicion he wasn’t alone) I’d let him sleep wherever he feels best. I wouldn’t want to mess with a pilot’s rest.

SleepingStandingUp · 10/01/2026 19:30

diddl · 10/01/2026 19:25

Why did the taxi have to be early hours or 2pm?

Could he not have also taken a taxi from the "home" airport if he didn't want to drive?

assume his car was there but as they live so close, surely that could have been. sorted the next day

Whaleandsnail6 · 10/01/2026 19:29

Lamentingalways · 10/01/2026 18:51

Yeah I think that if he saw everyone else was just getting home asap so as to not inconvenience their families then he really ought to have realised that it was the fairest thing to do. I hate it when they have the moral high ground, of course it’s not unreasonable that he wanted to get some sleep, the poor man working such an intense job for all those hours and then his wife expected him to travel for three more hours blah blah. At the end of the day he stayed over at your expense. If he had come home it would have been at his expense (looking after his own kids, sleeping in a taxi etc) I think the major difference is that most women would have pushed through at their own inconvenience so as not to inconvenience anyone else. How many of the crew that chose the selfless option were female? Maybe you need to start being less selfless because you’re probably not being treated the way you treat him which leads to resentment.

Edited to add: you should have left his job title off. Some women won’t be able to get past how their partner works a crappy job and is still selfish 😂 you should remain grateful to have such a hard working man (I hope you can detect my sarcasm).

Edited

I disagree that most women would have pushed on...the majority of us on here are likely women and have all said he wasn't unreasonable in staying over.

I would have stayed over. It was the right and sensible thing to do.

SleepingStandingUp · 10/01/2026 19:29

Kubricklayer · 10/01/2026 19:13

lol I’m a guy and absolutely not jealous I have a job that pays more and is less difficult and disruptive as a pilot. I sympathise with the guy. Both for his stressful jib and clearly stressful home life.

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I'm with Kubrick re why would anyone be jealous about having a pilot as a partner.

and it was the ridiculous , patronising comment about "booking signing by a hunk" was where it was clear he was a man.

Hairypotatocat · 10/01/2026 19:28

I would have picked the hotel too.

Gahr · 10/01/2026 19:27

YABU.

WowFantastic · 10/01/2026 19:26

This reply has been deleted

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vanillalattes · 10/01/2026 19:26

Shinyandnew1 · 10/01/2026 19:23

That’s when the taxi was booked for (via airline).

If they ended up at the wrong airline at 4am, why would the airline book them a taxi at 2pm?

Maybe that's when there were other people needing to do the same journey?

diddl · 10/01/2026 19:25

Why did the taxi have to be early hours or 2pm?

Could he not have also taken a taxi from the "home" airport if he didn't want to drive?

JLou08 · 10/01/2026 19:24

Unless it was a very important event I would have done the same as your DH. I wouldn't be spending over 3 hours travelling home at 4am after work if I could stay in a hotel.

Tryingtokeepgoing · 10/01/2026 19:24

Groay · 10/01/2026 18:37

He would’ve had until 1 pm the next day before I needed him to keep an eye out. The kids know to leave their dad alone for him to sleep.

So based on getting in a taxi at 4am for 3 hours, followed by a 20 minute drive and arriving home at 07:30 at that’s a max of 5.5 hours rest, assuming he was able to sleep straight away. That’s madness for anyone, never mind a pilot. He did the right thing by staying overnight.

Shinyandnew1 · 10/01/2026 19:23

That’s when the taxi was booked for (via airline).

If they ended up at the wrong airline at 4am, why would the airline book them a taxi at 2pm?

SleepingStandingUp · 10/01/2026 19:22

mondaytosunday · 10/01/2026 19:18

If it wasn’t for the event then I’d say he was good to stay if he was that tired, but to make you cancel something? No he should have taken the taxi.

so he felt too tired to come home and drive, but if it affects OPS social life then he should do what he feels is unsafe?

vanillalattes · 10/01/2026 19:22

SleepingStandingUp · 10/01/2026 19:20

so why did the company book a taxi for him then instead of with everyone else? surely a group taxi to the home airport would have made more sense than letting everyone choose a different time

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I think the options were either a taxi home at 4am, or staying the night in a hotel and a taxi home at 2pm.

EasternStandard · 10/01/2026 19:22

Lamentingalways · 10/01/2026 19:16

The world would grind to a halt if no one ever had a double espresso and wound down their window to power through a 20 minute car journey to work or home (he wasn’t flying a plane home btw, that bit was already done)

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Don’t push it in this instance, it’s unsafe to drive when too tired.

Jellycatspyjamas · 10/01/2026 19:22

SleepingStandingUp · 10/01/2026 19:20

so why did the company book a taxi for him then instead of with everyone else? surely a group taxi to the home airport would have made more sense than letting everyone choose a different time

Show quote history

In which case he’d definitely not be getting any kind of sleep.

CarterBeatsTheDevil · 10/01/2026 19:20

Jellycatspyjamas · 10/01/2026 18:40

But if he got off a flight at 4.00am, a taxi for 3 hours and a 20 minute drive he wouldn’t be home til 8.00am, by the time he got in and settled for bed he’d get what, 5 hours sleep at best and then be responsible for children after how long a working a day the day before. I think you’re being very unreasonable.

Even if there are wider issues, on this particular occasion you’re being unreasonable.

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If he fell asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow. I often sleep very badly if it's very late/early in the morning and I know my sleeping time is limited. I only sleep very fitfully in the car under any circumstances.

Honestly OP I wouldn't want my husband getting in a car after 3 hours' sleep between 4 and 7 am even if that 3 hours sleep was very sound. I think you're taking a really technical view of this where you're imagining that everything works out in the best way that it possibly could. Yes, be disappointed that you couldn't make your event, I get that, but it does not sound like he was unreasonable here.

SleepingStandingUp · 10/01/2026 19:20

Groay · 10/01/2026 18:18

That’s when the taxi was booked for (via airline).

Show quote history

so why did the company book a taxi for him then instead of with everyone else? surely a group taxi to the home airport would have made more sense than letting everyone choose a different time

Jellycatspyjamas · 10/01/2026 19:20

Lamentingalways · 10/01/2026 19:16

The world would grind to a halt if no one ever had a double espresso and wound down their window to power through a 20 minute car journey to work or home (he wasn’t flying a plane home btw, that bit was already done)

Show quote history

Driving at 7.00am after practically no sleep following a days work is more than “double espresso and press on” territory.

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