Should husband have got taxi at 4am after finishing work late?

It’s understandable that you’re disappointed that you couldn’t go to your event but I don’t think he was unreasonable to stay in the hotel at all.

PPs are disagreeing with you but you’re clearly not going to change your mind judging by your responses.

This is a very sexist response.

The type of event is important to understand if DH was unreasonable but your reply was sexist and uncalled for.

Attitudes like yours is why I never recommend that women become SAHMs as some men see them as beneath them and nothing they do is of any importance.

YABU, if he needs to sleep then he needs to sleep.

Being a pilot is irrelevant here. He's done his piloting, he's not working the next day, he's just got to get home.

In that situation, whether he's a pilot, a retail worker, a brain surgeon or a call centre worker is irrelevant. The other option people are overlooking is he could have got the paid taxi back to his home airport and then paid for a taxi back home, so he would have done no driving until he'd slept for about 5 hours (plus anything he managed in the taxi).

In reality though, people do push through tiredness all the time when they have young kids, because for a lot of people they otherwise wouldn't be able to work for about 5 years.

The OP clearly was still up when her husband arrived, and her other kids would have woken for the day a couple of hours later. Not a single person has expressed concern that she's caring for multiple kids and driving around with them on virtually zero sleep.

That's not to say. I think he was unreasonable but that I can understand both sides of it, and how what's reasonable can feel very warped when you're permanently sleep deprived and have no choice but to get on with it.

YABU. A 4am finish, 3hr cab journey arriving at 7am. Then a 20 minute drive home on no sleep, so he could then look after the kids and ferry them about during the day. Absolutely not.

And frankly, on such little sleep I wouldn’t have wanted him driving himself around, not to mention the kids!

Look, I'm happy to point out when I think someone's partner is slacking and even I think this was reasonable on his part. No one else's actions matter as working on the plane then being a passenger in a taxi is different to flying the plane then driving home at the end. There is quite a lot of 'ooh take care of the man with his big job' on MN but often that turns out to be people working in marketing or whatever. Bit different if you could kill people if you're tired from work.

The thing to take from it is to always arrange belt and braces childcare if you have something on that's important to you.

If a pilot thinks he ought to rest, he ought to rest. As his wife you ought to know that. Would you rather he let you decide when he should rest and subsequently brought a plane down?

What was the event?

A concert that you can’t attend again/ for years or something that you could book again easily?

If it was an hour or less home but for 3 hours I wouldn’t expect him to come home.

However it depends entirely on the thing that you had organised.

Ok calm down.

Anaesthetist. Similar shifts/responsibilities..I'd have got the hotel. Think the only way I'd have done your suggested option was if you'd personally had picked me up after the 3h taxi. Way too risky to fall asleep at the wheel. Yes it's annoying but that's what comes with being with a shift worker if haven't got alternative childcare unfortunately

You’ve worded it better than I could!

As a former cabin crew, I agree with your husband.

I regularly used to fall asleep on the bus and miss my accommodation stop after a night flight. The jet lag can be a killer which stops you resting properly on a layover. Even a turnaround flight is usually a 12 hour shift. I used to be a right off the rest of the day when returning from a night flight. Hence I left the job when I had dc.

A pilot has a much tougher shift than a cabin crew. They often have layovers for flights that the cabin crew will do as a turnaround. They also need to have longer minimum rest periods.

Personally I would have arranged alternative childcare if you had an important event the day he was landing after a night flight.

Working a shift, trying to get three hours of crappy sleep in a taxi (after being up for god knows how long) then driving home. No chance. I'd have gone to the hotel too and what 'everyone else' was doing would have been totally irrelevant.

HE HAD FINISHED WITH HIS PLANE. So a pilot can never be tired in between working? Someone better put a public service announcement out that they can’t have kids in that case. Or some breeds of dog.

But not the airport he landed back at on this occasion!

So what? Your DH made the right decision for himself. Having done night shifts I know how hard sleep is in the day and driving after a 3 hour sleep isn’t safe, even for 15 mins. I know someone who crashed her car 200 meters from home in a similar scenario. Give the guy a break.

So you’re a misogynist then, so much better.

Nobody wants pilots pushing through tiredness.

It’s a shame and he should definitely be part of improving the childcare options you have.

However Yabu i wouldn’t have wanted to encounter him driving at either 7am or the afternoon even with potential 6 hours sleep. Sleeping in a cab even if managed would not be good sleep. Would he have been safe to look after the children (depending on their ages?)

Absolutely. The man is responsible for actual
lives.

Thank god for that. Not sure I’d be wanting a knackered pilot flying me anywhere. 🫤

Three hours in a taxi sounds horrendous to me at the best of times. I’m not sure really if he was being U as I would have chosen the hotel
too over a long taxi ride followed by a drive home after I’d just landed a plane.

My thoughts too.

Couldn't have said it better myself. That sort of fatigue could be dangerous behind a wheel of a car.

YANBU.

I've got a friend who's a critical care nurse. When she's been on a night shift she sleeps until the afternoon school run, so a similar amount of time as your DH would have had.

Bonkers to expect anyone to sleep in a taxi then drive when dangerously tired. It’s reckless.