Should husband have got taxi at 4am after finishing work late?

I think you are being unreasonable - taking the taxi would gave meant not getting to sleep until 4 or 5 am, whereas taking the hotel meant he was likely in bed before 1am - ie, able to recalibrate and manage his jetlag.

I think you’re being selfish here, I’m afraid. Even if he had come home, he’d have had to sleep most of the day and would not have been fit/safe to do childcare. You missed something you wanted to go to, well tough really.

Don’t look for reasons to be mad in a marriage, it isn’t healthy. This was a pretty reasonable decision.

If your dh got a taxi home at 2 (back by 5?) why couldn’t you still go out in the evening?

Sharing your life with a shift worker when you have DC and are trying to maintain “normal” hours and social weekends etc is shit, especially if that shift worker has a responsible job such as doctor, pilot etc.

You will have been put in second place a LOT during your relationship. Your sleep needs will come second to his, your career will come second to his, where you live will be likely dictated by his job, even trying to conceive can be tough when they end up working through fertile windows, or when you’re in labour.

Everyone seems to assume the life of a doctor/pilot/similar’s spouse is a glamorous and carefree one, but it’s not. It’s inequitable, and incredibly difficult.

You’ll be home (as in this situation) with a sick child, getting no sleep and missing events that are important to you, and he’ll be sleeping in a hotel for a full eight hours, travelling back without having to juggle DC and causing you to miss your event, but everyone will laud him as a hero and tell you to suck it up.

You are both in the right here. He does need his sleep and you have been shat on and your day ruined (probably not for the first time) so you’re going to be angry and disappointed.

I’m afraid I don’t have a solution, but I do have a lot of sympathy for you.

Team DH on this one, sleep in Taxi is very unlikely, home around 8am, then try to sleep with the rest of the house making noise.

Also consider this, if DH had been in an accident driving after that little sleep he would be almost for sure arrested and prosecuted for dangerous driving (look up the Selby disaster), perhaps losing his driving license and almost certainly then his job. No I think DH made the right choice.

Ladies and Gentlemen this is your Captain speaking on our 1pm flight to Abu Dhabi please be aware I’ve had about 5hrs sleep so this may be a bumpy trip…

6 hours doesn't add up...

He wouldn't have been back until nearly 8am

You later say he was needed from 1pm

That's only 5 hours and assuming he can just immediately drop off

(Just noticed this discrepancy and can't edit previous)

OK, you clearly have no clue what a pilot’s work life is like. Gotcha.

How many hours would he have been awake by the time he got home?

It seems like he would have needed much more than 6 hours of sleep after a long shift, 3 hours in a car and 20 minutes of driving while tired after that (which would be unsafe to do).

Sometimes things happen and there isn't a right or wrong. You just have to write it off.

So you think it would have been reasonable for him to spend 3 hours in a taxi, not sleeping properly, drive home and get in around 8am (when presumably you and the kids would just be waking up), settle back down to be able to sleep whilst kids are now awake and it's daylight, probably not actually sleep until at least 9am, wake up 4 hours later to drive kids to activities (whilst still tired and disoriented from the messed up sleep) and then hope he could get back to sleep at around 2pm at least when he gets back?

Seriously?

Imagine if he’d had an accident and died and/or killed other people? How would you feel? I bet your event would seem less important then. Plus your life would be a hell of a lot more disrupted. He’s the one who has to drive. He’s the one who gets to make the call.

Everyone's sleep needs are different. No guarantee for him he could sleep peacefully from breakfast time if you and the kids were up. I think he was sensible to use the hotel given the responsibility of his job. I get that single parenting is hard work though and I hope he plays his part with the kids when he is properly off duty.

Oh come on I’m clearly being hyperbolic because the poster said he flew all night and there’s no evidence of that. Of course I don’t think it but I also doubt he flies all night, every night like the hero some people are painting him as, thus requiring him to never be tired again in his delicate life.

Get a grip. She wanted him to drive home sleep deprived and jet lagged just so she could go to a little shindig the next day, I'd call that being a selfish arsehole!

You think a pilot starts work at 1am, does a 2 hour flight, and is finished at 4am?

No preparation for the flight, just jump on the plane and take off? Then land and just jump off and go home?

Seriously?

agree with this. I'd rather my DH safe in a hotel than asleep in a taxi in the early hours. Taxi drivers may be used to driving in the early hours, but still its safer if DH has his wits about him (unless you know the taxi company well)

I don't know, I'd value DH, his good job, and a healthy routine and my stable family life over a one off event. A lot to be grateful for already? Unless there's something I'm missing. If he carries on like you're suggesting there will be a detriment to his health over time.

Did he fly a plane all night? How do you know? Maybe it was a 2 hour flight. I must have missed this information. 4am sounds crap but if you didn’t work 2 days prior and were fully rested until that point and you didn’t start work until 1am then a 4am finish doesn’t sound quite so crap does it? Like I say maybe I missed it but I think people are just assuming he worked all night.

He was a selfish arsehole OP, but I bet you already know that.

No, I'm appreciating that he's knackered. What I'm saying is that this has absolutely zilch to do with his flying safety in a few days time.

I'm still not sure where you got the idea that this mum got a 'good night sleep' from whilst up caring for a sick child. I mean I guess it's possible she went to sleep at 10, baby slept perfectly waking her up at 4 ill, and back to sleep for her late rising kids it something. Equally she may have had zero sleep that night because that's not exactly rare with sick babies. Or she may have snatched the odd half an hour here and there. Regardless of whether she had zero sleep or just crap sleep, she then had to plough on with her day.

Meanwhile husband had a choice between 8 hours uninterrupted in a hotel, or 5 hours in his own bed whilst she is still up looking after the kids. She gets neither option.

And it's right that he gets that rest, but she also needs some rest and no one seems to give a damn about that. So to make out he's the hard done by one here is laughable.

Doesn’t seem like he’ll get much of a sleep with u and the kids disturbing him so he picked the hotel. I would too, it’s not a simple come home and sleep when there is a spouse and children waiting for u, who then require you to be up at a certain time to be dropped off

Not sure I’d be happy with a sleep deprived person driving my kids around. Flying is extremely hard on the body. Was he flying in from a different time zone (jet lag)?

Yes your posts are a load of rubbish. He just flew a plane all night, landing at 4am and you seem so unable to understand this means he had no sleep all night that you persist in saying crap like “he is never allowed a crap night sleep”

It would be alot more sleep than a pilot flying a plane all night until 4am.

I'd agree it's not the flying that's the problem, the jeopardy is in that 15 min drive post the taxi ride.

If he was on his way to work, sure. But he was on his way home, he wasn't about to fly anywhere. We don't even know when his next flight was except that it wasn't the next day. Clearly with his big job he's never allowed a crap night sleep just in case he has to fly in a few days time. What a load of rubbish.