Should husband have got taxi at 4am after finishing work late?

Agree with this.

Not a chance I could relax enough to get any sleep in a taxi!

It was 4am in the morning!

Of course it was reasonable for him to go to sleep in an actual bed in a hotel paid for by his company.

No way would I expect my husband to do anything other than go to bed at 4am.

I can’t work out if you’re mad at your DH for changing the plan or if you’re mad based on what the other pilot did. If the latter then YABU.

I'd just pleased the other pilot and his colleagues didn't cause an accident when they chose to drive home at silly o clock in the morning exhausted. Be glad you're married to seemingly the only sensible member of the crew.

I'd let it go. He truly may have been shattered but also pleased to talk to you last night, hence him being chatty. Also, when I get over tired sometimes I can almost get a little manic, like a second wind even though am very tired.
Anyway, rambling.

I suspect that he has form for checking out of family life because of his "big important job" @Groay, is that why you are annoyed really?

Was he PF or PM on the flight? and although it doesn't really impact his decision, did the First Officer get a taxi home too.

To everyone castigating @Groay there are obviously more underlying issues to this marriage than not getting a taxi home after a disrupted flight.

eta; apologies, I see you've answered wrt FO

It looks like you're just looking for justification to be pissed off.

The other pilot might have a different journey home, a different upcoming schedule, or might not have multiple DC at home to handle/sleep through.

He wanted to go to bed at 4am. I really don't think that's the crime you're trying to make it out to be.

He certainly shouldn't have driven even if he did get a sleep in the taxi.

So, maybe he could have come home but I don't blame him for not.

I think we need a little more here. What was your husbands schedule? Was he delayed? What was his flying time? Etc

So you were fine with it until you found out others had done something different?

Who cares what other people do? It's about how he is feeling - he was diverted hours away from home, in charge of a plane on an unexpected flight path. I wouldn't have blamed him for being shattered and wanting to get his head down as soon as possible. I'm also someone who cannot sleep in cars - including taxis. Plus it's so much harder to sleep during the day than at night.

I think he made a sensible choice and was much safer to be on the road once he got back to the car. It's unfortunate you missed an event, but these things happen. If it was a very important event and not just a knees up then knowing this type of thing could happen it always helps to have a Plan B. I have a friend who works as a flight engineer and has an emergency babysitter for when weather prohibits them getting home.

Do I have a right to be mad?

A bit disappointed mane about your event, but not mad. This is 4am!

You say he wasn't exhausted, he says he was. I'd rather someone exhausted at 4am after flying a plane, for some sleep, not jigging about in a cab for three hours, then got behind the wheel! Imagine if he'd had an accident due to exhaustion.

I would rather he get a proper sleep and get home safely.

How much sleep would he have managed to get with multiple children at home and knowing he had to get up mid-afternoon to do drop-offs?

Honestly, the more you post the more I think YABU. He was at work flying a plane and tired, and just wanted to sleep.

I don't think it matters what everyone else did.

Put yourself in his shoes...mega long shift, ending up where you weren't expecting to and then being expected to jump in a taxi for 3 hours, then get to your car, probably defrost it, drive home then try to settle to sleep again (I used to work nights, sleep in the day is shit and not like night time sleep) before getting up to tend to kids, to then try to sleep that night to get up for work the next day

I can totally see why he did hotel and it was the better option

But he wouldn’t be home until around 7am, how long would he have effectively been awake by that point? I’m guessing not far off 24 hours - even if he did manage some sleep in the taxi, it’s not good quality sleep and driving after that would be very unwise. And you said drop offs here and there, which suggests more than one. I’d be concerned for his health and how safely he could drive after a very long day doing a responsible job with very little actual sleep.

I also remember how much harder it was for my dad to sleep during the day when there were other people in the house. We had to tiptoe around the place, and not have friends over, if he was coming off a night flight.

I would rather have stayed in the hotel. Sleep in the taxi would have been very poor and then he'd have to drive whilst not feeling up to it, plus not necessarily fall straight to sleep at home as there would be distractions. He might not get to sleep until 9am and then his sleep pattern would be very off for the following day.

Everyone else in the crew did just that

Was he the only pilot? Maybe he was more tired.

What was your event? Shame you had to cancel but I don't blame him for not wanting a three hour taxi ride (would work have paid for that??) and then a drive, then a crap daytime sleep before having the kids.

Was the early hours taxi just for him or for all his colleagues to share? I can never sleep in a car, but if there were others in the car I can imagine it would be impossible.
How many of his colleagues were pilots?

I don't understand why he couldn't have come home earlier I though - surely he could get the taxi rebooked or book his own?

It seems unlikely the children would have just left him to sleep.

I also don't understand why what anyone else from the crew did matters, they weren't the ones flying.

I'm with DH. Especially if he was working the next day.

I think the hotel and sleep was basically ok, but that long term he should be helping to find some solutions so that when his work ends up like that you have alternative childcare so you don't miss out on stuff.

Team DH here. How long had he been on duty for at that point?