To think this is unreasonable?! Or am I out of touch

They sound like bullies

Beyond weird. I can't imagine my parents getting worked up over lights.

Desk lamp? Or drop off for the morning and work in local cafe ir library?

Yes they sound bonkers and unreasonable. Just send her to nursery and tell the parents they can visit you on a Sunday for a couple of hours.

Stop going

Yeah, I'd get a lamp, ask them if that's ok. Having said that, my parents would never have complained in the first place.

Just tell them you've been advised by an optician to use the lighting that you need otherwise it will cause eye strain and headaches, and that if they are not happy about keeping their lights on on a dull day that you'll just have to cut back on how often you visit unfortunately, or only visit on very sunny days. 😆

Buy a lamp

Their reaction is ridiculous OP.

You work 7 days a week?

They want, they want, they want..you keep saying that OP. Have they always been controlling?
You need light to work, they don't want the lights on, this arrangement is no longer working. Put your DD in nursery and work from home.
They can see her when it suits you.
And paying for a day you're not using at their request is insane. Why are they calling all the shots?

Does your workplace know you sometimes work from your parents’ house? Mine would not allow that at all. We do work from home but it has to be a fixed nominated address.

Can you take your own plug in desk lamp with strong directional light. Then work out the wattage and time on and use the electricity calculator to work out if you owe them 12 or 15 pence and then reimburse them.
They are being weirdly ridiculous

Yes, I think I'd be telling them that your work pattern was changing (maybe more in person meetings or training etc which means your DD is going to have to use that day in nursery that you're already paying for). If they want to have a relationshp with their DGD they can arrange their life so that they have one. So they can come to you, collect DGD early from nursery, take her out to the park etc. Or even take her to their own house for the day if they don't want to look after her in your house.

Or you see each other at weekends only, taking it in turns to visit each other. But be careful it's not you going to theirs all the time. We would never have seen my inlaws if we didn't go to their house every week when the kids were little. They never put themselves out to come to ours, only if the kids had a birthday, and we are only a 20 minute drive from each other! MIL used to say to me "oh, I wished you lived nearer...." 😆

The kids are young adults now and not particularly close to them, I often wonder if the inlaws wonder why. My parents live further away but STILL made the effort to come to our house to see the kids most weeks, even though my dad was much older and had more health issues.

I work from home and during the winter months I need to put the light on when normally it wouldn't be needed if I wasn't working. Could you not use a desk lamp maybe to keep them happy? Although to be honest I have no idea why your comfort (and health if you are getting headaches) is not a priority for them

Dramatic and controlling? Most adults don't spend one of their working days at their parents' house. It's pretty odd of them to expect it, and not at all dramatic for you to stop doing it.

OP your parents are definitely being unreasonable.

I have always lived 3-4 hours away from my parents since I had my child. See them maybe 6 times a year, their relationship with my DC is great.

You can’t tell people what to do with the lighting in their own home! If you work, you need to be at home or in the office, not at your parents’. So either your child stays at nursery or you find a childminder. If your parents are happy to mind her, they need to come to yours.

i think this is where I struggle, your post makes sense but I would feel eaten up by guilt if I was that blunt about it and actually followed it through. They would say I was affecting DD and it wasn’t fair on her and that I was being dramatic and controlling. I’d then spend hours worrying about it all

Your response is quite odd. Why would you feel guilt that your parents are choosing to not see their grandchild because not turning on a light is more important to them? They can resolve the situation if they want to. And I think your point that they get distracted after a few hours backs up my theory that they don’t actually want you to visit for the day every week.

Win win for them, they stop the visits and they can tell themselves/others it’s your fault. It’s not. It’s their choice.

Absolutely nothing for you to feel any guilt about here.

I work from home most days and if it's a dull, grey day I find it too dark to work and have to turn a light on. I would just tell your parents that the lightening isnt adequate for you to work and you won't be able to continue this arrangement unless you can use the lights. Why are people so ridiculous 🤦‍♀️

Well that's too damn bad, isn't it mum and dad?

Your parents sound ridiculous, so don't engage and use the childcare you've paid for instead and get your work done at home.

Have your parents always been so controlling?

I actually think they are being controlling and manipulative and imagine they have views on you working full time whilst you have a young child.

the obvious solution is as others have said - you need light and you need to work, if they can’t accommodate those things then you can’t visit especially as you’re paying for nursery… that way visits will be restricted to weekends. As you’ve said you’ll get the guilt trip.

alternatively can you take a suitable light with you that plugs in and does not mean you need to use the spot lights? It’s a ridiculous thing to have to do. It may be the compromise.

I prefer the truth, but you don’t seem able to advocate for yourself!

You could lie and say that your job has been restructured so there is less scope to visit in the working day as you now have to be on a lot of calls and knock the visits on the head and then suggest you take it in turns for weekend visits or they pick DD up from nursery and come to you for dinner one night a week?

Then they're being completely unreasonable about the lights. You're doing them a favour, enabling them to have a relationship with DD while you are there as backup in case they need you, and so that they are not tied down by a regular childcare arrangement.