To think this is unreasonable?! Or am I out of touch

They expect to get their own way about everything. You get no financial benefit from their one day a week childcare because you still have to pay for full-time nursery so that they can have complete freedom to go on holiday whenever they want with no notice. They won't come to your house but expect you to come to their's but won't even let you put a light on so that you can work.

I don't understand why you don't get really angry at their inflexible attitude and expectation that you will bend over backwards to faciliitate their relationship with your child so that they need to make no effort at all. Your life would be so much easier if you put your foot down and refuse to visit them when you need to work. Have they always been this difficult?

then stop going.

Can you not just go into a separate room??

Wondering how things will go when your little one starts school five days a week!

They sound quite toxic really.

You go there at their request, compromise your working day, and then they call you controlling because you need the light on to work?

I just can’t imagine my parents being so ridiculous, mean, territorial, demanding or inconsiderate. Which is what their reaction is.

Guilt trip them back. It is such a shame that you won't be able to build a bond with your grandchild because I am unable to work in an unlit environment but that's the choice you (GP) are making. I will see you perhaps in the summer when the natural light may be better.

“I’m not affecting DD, she loves nursery, the fact remains that I can’t work in a dimly lit room”

”I’m happy to bring her, but I can’t work in a dimly lit room”

”I want you to have a relationship, but I can’t work in a dimly lit room, so if you want to control the light I’ll have to work from home”

”it’s not fair on DD when I end up with a headache, so I can’t work in a dimly lit room”.

”it s not controlling to let you know that working in a dimly lit room gives me a headache”

”yes it’s a shame she’ll miss out on her days with you because you want to control the lights”

”I don’t think it’s dramatic to let you know I can’t work in a dimly lit room. It’s a bit controlling and dramatic of you to dictate whether I need more light”

Work on not letting them make you feel guilty. They’re being unreasonable, you know what they’re going to say so have some rational responses ready.

They are being ridiculous. I'd personally say to them working at their house isn't working for you. Tell them youl drop dd at nursery for a half day and they can collect her at lunchtime for the reminder of the day and youl get her from there when you finish or they could bring her back to you.

Yes they are over reacting. I would have a simple conversation again and explain it’s winter you need the light in to work and if that’s not possible then you won’t be able to come

then it’s up to them. With LED bulbs the cost is minimal

I honestly think it’s an age thing. My parents (divorced) both in their homes never turn lights on. I have to request to turn lamps on like it’s some sort of novelty. As others have suggested, just stop going. They are being unreasonable. Spot lights are replaceable. Their time with their grandchild is not.

It's a bit odd - could you get a USB spotlight that plugs into your laptop?

This is so sad to read. It sounds as though they like to create drama either way, and they have no interest in your physical health or wellbeing. What a horrible attitude towards your own child. I’d be extremely wary of how they treat your DD as they clearly have no respect for your opinion or wishes.

Can you not go and work upstairs in a spare room and have the light on there? Afraid i’d let them know that if they want to see DD they have to come to you where you have (I assume) a desk / appropriate set up. You are actually working and they need to understand that you need to ensure you’re not getting a bad back or a headache. At home, you’d just put the light on.

I’d let them say what they want, as ultimately it’s themselves denying a relationship if they do want to drive over and i’d say I am no longer working from there. The fact they are acting like you’re being rude when it’s to prevent headaches, then try and turn it around on you is bang out of order. Plus means you’re paying for childcare then having to work with your DD around. I wouldn’t be doing it any longer.

Take your own plug in lamp. Then no problem with their bulbs.

This is bizarre of them. Could they instead collect her from nursery one lunchtime and you then collect her from their house at the end of your working day?

Stop going…..if they can’t accommodate your need for reasonable lighting to work when you take your daughter for them to have contact then simply don’t go, let them make the effort to visit you to see DGD.

Just tell them calmly that if you can't work there, you can't take DD over. Full stop.

So either they come to your place or you go on non-work days.
Yes they are BU but you need to work around them

Could they compromise and get a desk lamp for the room?

‘Sorry, but I need to work when I’m at yours, and for that I need good light, which I can’t have, so I won’t be bringing dd over any more.’

It sounds oddly confrontational for such a small thing. Did you just put the light on without asking? If you'd said 'Can I have the light on please because I really need to finish this work and I'll get a head without it' perhaps they would have responded better?

Okay. Their reaction's selfish (and moderately bonkers).

Don't go over there. 🤘

They are obviously being unreasonable and I would tell them that from now on, you'll be putting your DD in nursery for that day and you'll be working at home. They can't have it both ways - either they want you there and provide an environment in which you can work, or they don't. Let go of any guilt - they don't seem to feel any guilt for making your life more difficult!

Are you paying them for childcare? If may just be simpler in the long run to pay for another day of nursery.

Maybe say when you are next there that you have an optician appointment as are struggling to see in the dark and want to get your eyes checked.