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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think this is unreasonable?! Or am I out of touch

310 replies

Greehsa · 10/01/2026 16:56

Mid thirties with one dc. I have a lot of flexibility with work so I am able to work remotely. My DD goes to nursery but one day a week my parents like me to take her over. It’s a bit of a drive but I work while I am there then finish off anything I’ve not managed to get done in the evening.

When I work on my laptop I need the room to be light otherwise I start to get a headache. My parents have gone mad recently when I’ve tried to put the light on, saying they don’t want the bulbs to go (they’re spotlights), it’s rude for me to turn the lights on etc. Being pretty nasty about it. For context they are not at all short of money (though they claim to be, they’re certainly not), their main issue seems to be that I’m ’telling them what to do in their home.’ I think this is insanely unreasonable?! I’ve explained calmly that when the weather is bad and it’s dull outside that the room isn’t light enough for me to work without getting a headache. I can’t imagine making this much of a fuss with my own DD if she needed to do some work! AIBU?

OP posts:
Greehsa · 10/01/2026 17:03

QuietLifeNoDrama · 10/01/2026 17:02

YANBU to need to work in a suitably lit room. However I’m also a believer that you don’t get to dictate what others do in their homes (however batshit). I’m with you all the way but I think the natural consequence to this behaviour is to just say that’s fine we won’t be over as often as I can’t work in these conditions.

@QuietLifeNoDrama yes I said this, totally
calmly, and they said I was controlling and unreasonable

OP posts:
SparklyGlitterballs · 10/01/2026 17:02

I'd be telling DPs that you can't take DD over any more as you are unable to work in dark rooms without getting a headache. They may soon change their tune if they're not getting to see her so often. Can they come to your instead to see their DGD?

ETA: yes they're being unreasonable. You're doing the legwork to drive over, and allowing them a day either way their DGD. Allowing you to have a light on seems so minor and crazy to complain about.

vanillalattes · 10/01/2026 17:02

Greehsa · 10/01/2026 17:00

@searchforthesun well yes but I wasn’t asking for a solution just an opinion on their reaction.

It doesn't really matter what we think about their reaction, though.

If you're not happy going there, stop going. You're an adult, you don't need to do what your mum and dad want.

QuietLifeNoDrama · 10/01/2026 17:02

YANBU to need to work in a suitably lit room. However I’m also a believer that you don’t get to dictate what others do in their homes (however batshit). I’m with you all the way but I think the natural consequence to this behaviour is to just say that’s fine we won’t be over as often as I can’t work in these conditions.

Needmorelego · 10/01/2026 17:01

"The optician said I need better light"

vanillalattes · 10/01/2026 17:01

Stop going over there.

Greehsa · 10/01/2026 17:00

SarahAndQuack · 10/01/2026 16:59

You frame this as your parents 'liking' you to take your DD over.

I wonder if they think they're doing you a favour by providing childcare, and feel a bit aggrieved that you work through the visit/that you expect their home to be set up as your workplace?

@SarahAndQuack I pay for DD to be in nursery all week! I go over at their request as they want to see her.

OP posts:
Greehsa · 10/01/2026 17:00

searchforthesun · 10/01/2026 16:59

Don’t go over there 🤷‍♀️

@searchforthesun well yes but I wasn’t asking for a solution just an opinion on their reaction.

OP posts:
SarahAndQuack · 10/01/2026 16:59

You frame this as your parents 'liking' you to take your DD over.

I wonder if they think they're doing you a favour by providing childcare, and feel a bit aggrieved that you work through the visit/that you expect their home to be set up as your workplace?

searchforthesun · 10/01/2026 16:59

Don’t go over there 🤷‍♀️