To think this is unreasonable?! Or am I out of touch

"Hi DPs
There is nothing controlling or unreasonable about needing light to work.

You have lots of options here

1. Pretend you are normal and let me turn a light on
2. Decline the light and I dont come and you dont see your GC
3. Decline the light and travel to me amd see ypur GC
4. Let me pay you 50p each time I visit to pay for the equivalent cost of lighting because you have nothing better to do with your time than fuss over lights.

Let me know what you want to do"

They sound fucking exhausting.

I'd either have a light on or I wouldn't be dragging my child over there

You tell them that’s their opinion, but you’re not willing to make yourself feel unwell by working without decent lights so sorry, you won’t be able to go over there anymore. And repeat as needed.

Well, they're being silly then.

I do think the only solution is not going over during work hours. They obviously don't really think you are working/your work is crucial.

I suppose you could suggest you go into a bedroom and work? Then you could have the lights on and not bother them.

I do think it is tricky when you mix something social and something work-related like this, TBF.

Did you not laugh in their faces when they accused you of being the unreasonable controlling one!

Just sen a text when the ask next week so say “sorry can’t make it today as the light is poor and you know I can’t work in those conditions”

Do it every time on the morning so they get the idea you aren’t stopping them seeing DD but rather the conditions that day don’t allow it (because they are being arses)

Either take a table lamp that's battery operated (usb charged, loads in tkmaxx at the moment) or just don't go when due to work.

They sound like a pain. But could you bring a desk lamp with you for the purpose? To bypass their flash point.

If you have to work and they don't want to come to you, you either don't go or they realise a compromise, perhaps frame it that you'll replace the bulb if it blows (shouldn't have to but sometimes necessary) either that or explain if they want shorter visits with you present and not working then it will have to be shorter visits when it suits you. The other alternative is to buy a usb lamp that plugs into your laptop!

Then you just need to be honest and say mum I need to work so if I can’t have the light on then I can’t come over.

Do you generally say yes to what they want, is it difficult to say no?

Calling you controlling and unreasonable is weird. When I’ve worked at my DF house before I just say “dad, is it alright to turn the light on?” And he says yes. Don’t understand what the big deal is for them.

I don’t use the “big light”. But if a guest said they needed more light it would be no problem whatsoever even though it’s not my preference. It sounds like a bit of an odd situation and I’m not sure I’d know how to handle my parents. But if I had to work it would no longer be possible to do it there.

My mum used to have a thing about putting the lights on in daylight hours and would insist that lights couldn't go on until curtains were drawn. But this was a hangover from being brought up during wartime, with black out regulations, which she just couldn't shake.

Your parents, I would guess, have no such excuse. Can you take a desklight with you? Or just tell them that as you can't work at their house, they will have to come to you to see your DD.

Of course they are being unreasonable. But the only solution is that your dd goes to nursery so you can work. You have to accept their rules in their house, but you don't have to go there.

Your parents are coming across as the controlling and unreasonable ones.

Stop going over and use your childcare.

The OP said it’s a bit of a drive, so I guess it would be hard to take her daughter, drive home to work, drive back to fetch her at lunchtime then drive home again, all on a working day.

I'm sure my DMum and DDad never complained when I put the light (or anything else) on. Especially if you're working - you need to be able to adequately see. Perhaps they resent you being there? Would they prefer you to leave DD with them and you go back home? Just a suggestion.

I think you need to be very clear that this is how they see it too, though.

Do they definitely understand that this is essentially an inconvenience for you and you can only get around it by doing some work while you're there? If that's the agreement, and they've said 'yes, we really want to see DD so you can absolutely finish work in our kitchen while you're here' then I think it is fair for you to point out you need decent light.

But if they're under the impression it's a social visit and you're already being a bit rude by getting the laptop out, then I slightly see their point.

I mean, if I have guests I accept they may well want lights on/heating up/whatever when I don't, but I wouldn't love someone coming round, whipping on all the big lights and sitting down to work, if I wasn't expecting it.

Tell them next day you're due that you can't go, because you need to work and can only work with the light on. That way its completely up to them whether they turn the lights on 'in their own home', or miss seeing DD.

Of course they are being ridiculous, but you are a bit as well. Do you HAVE to work when you take DD over there, or could you leave her with them for a half day?