To think this is unreasonable?! Or am I out of touch

They are the ones who are being controlling. You feel the guilt because it's to their advantage for you to feel it, because it gets you to do what they want rather than what's right for you. They are the ones who installed that guilt button so they know how to press it.

Ok - and what about you? What do you say?

They can say what they like - you don't have to believe it, agree with it or be bullied into submission by it. Don't even respond to it - just repeat that you can work in the light level that you need, or you can not bring your daughter over, and let them choose.

But isn’t that controlling and unreasonable of them?!!

Is there no seats that you can use by a window so you get more natural light?

I think its bonkers they don't want you to have a light on in a room they aren't in or are using.

Can you not offer them something like £1 for the light being on if they think they are paying for it?

And no need for your comments on this thread either but there we go. You have made your choice to make the comments you have, she make her choice to respond how she wishes.

@Greehsa these are simply amazing and light up my kids bedroom, highly recommend and will fix your prob https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B0C3BC4QG2

This

Also to add, if my daughter worked from home, I would definitely go to their house.

How long does it take you to pack your laptop, make sure you have all you need, get nappies and toys etc?

I'd go to my daughters, less stress for her. All her work stuff (extra screens etc) would be there and minimum fuss for granddaughter. No long travel.

No OP these don't seem good parents at all!!

I think OP this is your first steps of coming out of the FOG.

FOG is an acronym that stands for "Fear, Obligation, and Guilt." These three emotions are often at the core of manipulation and are often how narcissists and other types emotional manipulators go about controlling their targets.

You say there are other examples and as you are now a parent yourself, you may realise that your childhood wasn't as it should have been.

And it may be a shock!

Maybe consider some counselling?

But no need for her to be childishly cunty in her response.

You cannot win, either they allow you use the light or you don’t visit. That’s wild. I’d bring a lamp and head torch to protect their precious 💡

But not as cunty as her parents are being though.

@MyrtlethePurpleTurtle I don’t really see how you came to this conclusion OP already said she works FULL time so yes she does need to work whilst she’s there. She also said that her parents don’t live close by. The current trip means that she has to catch up on work later that evening so presumably her leaving DD with her parents and making the journey twice will eat into even more of her working day.

That really is a bit passive aggressive/cunty

Yep, this - think both parents and OP are being unreasonable

Ask them to come to your home. they can take her out. Or If they have her overnight. Then you have all day and night

But you do need her to be in nursery as they can't take care of her all the time and also want you to bring her to them instead of coming to you to make it easier. They are the ones in the wrong.

Also - led bulbs have a longer life than “normal” bulbs - mine are 20-year life!

If their spotlights are not led, and there are a lot of them, they may well be concerned at the cost: my kitchen had 10 x 40-watt bulbs when it was refitted. I changed them to led bulbs at 4-watts each - maybe offer to replace their bulbs with led ones (WARM WHITE - or it’ll look like a morgue🤣) if that’s the issue… and pull the optician trick as PP have said, too!

Why don’t you bring a desk lamp with you?

Not really. They are causing op a lot more hassle. Their behaviour is odd. She is already paying for child care. They are being unreasonable.

This. If they want you to take your child out of nursery one day a week to see them. Tell them that you work 5 days a week and they will need to come and collect her and return her at whatever time you think is appropriate. They are being disrespectful of your job and you.

OP, you have been so ground down by them for so long, where you are always wrong, that you have difficulty seeing what screams out at us readers.
Your parents are not particularly nice or kind.
They want everything on their terms and are prepared to be nasty about it.
I would think that you are in such deep FOG, fear, Obligation and guilt via your rearing that your conditioning by them makes it really hard for you to accept.
I would be very wary of their influence on your child considering how comfortable they are being quite nasty to you about this.
I certainly would pull back from this weekly obligation and make it a monthly trip.

You pay for nursery and take your daughter out a day just so they can see her and have to do all the legwork to get her that? Stuff that. If they want to see her, they can come to you.

It sounds like you are completely used to being bullied and emotionally blackmailed by your (unreasonable) parents. Have they been doing this for the whole of your life? As an adult with your own family, it's time to learn how to stand up to this sort of emotional bullying. There's plenty of Assertiveness Training material online (e.g. How To Say No; "Broken Record", etc) if you don't want one-to-one work at the moment. But, quite honestly, it'd be money well spent to have a half-dozen sessions with a counsellor (look for someone specialising in TA) to help you learn to set and maintain boundaries in an adult:adult way. It's time to put your foot down with your parents - there are ways of learning how to do this effectively without upsetting the apple cart.