Was this unacceptable behaviour with my DD?

Why would that not be fine? She’s a child… children are often arseholes

I don't think we should apologise for responding to their poor behaviour with frustration and a telling off, otherwise you're giving mixed messages. They think, mummy said sorry so she was the one in the wrong not me. They're not as developed as adults, we can see when two people have behaved poorly during an argument and see that both need to apologise. 3 year olds are very black and white and see only 1 person as being wrong. If you apologise you're telling her you were the one in the wrong, not her.

My DD, now 23, enjoys teasing me about being a violent parent because I told her that once only did I break my own no smacking rule and tap her on the legs as a toddler when she just wouldn't shut up in the car. The point is that she has no memory of this happening. Your DD will not either. We all have our limits. We don't want our children to think we are automata.

So you tried to please her all day, she was acting like a little brat and you said she's not nice to be around but then apologised with no apologies from her.
Good luck in 10 years times with that one....
In real life she can't expect to act like that until whoever she is with snaps and tells her off and then she'll be sitting there waiting for an apology. She won't get one, she'll be expected to apologise for behaving badly.

Don't you see what kind of person she will turn into? Doing what she wants, behaving like a brat all day getting what she wants and not being held accountable for her behaviour, no one else is going to apologise to her.

You are her mother, she needs to respect and love you, that doesn't come from pussyfooting around her apologising for saying something that was true and not doing anything about her behaviour.

You know you can be firm with children and they’ll still love you. I sometimes think some parents won’t challenge as they’re scared. So what if your child feels sad if they’re told off, they’re meant to if it was fair.

Yes. The summary of today is that she had a tantrum and you apologised to her. That sends the wrong message. She needs to understand why you were frustrated and how her actions caused your reaction. You could say 'she's only 3' but she is old enough to have a basic understanding if you keep it very, very simple. You're on a slippery slope if the outcome of her behaviour today is for you to apologise to her.

I’ve flipped off my kids behind their backs when they’re being horrible so you’re basically a saint in comparison.

Arguably you getting frustrated with all day non-stop crappy toddler behaviour is also developmentally normal. so if you apologised so should she.

And yes I would expect my 3 year old to apologise to me for bad behaviour, if I was apologising to her for my reaction to her bad behaviour.

Seriously? Yes, she apologises for bad behaviour. You apologising to her for your behaviour and not expecting her to do the same is bonkers

I told my 5 year old he was acting like a horrible little boy on Friday. I've felt awful since. I don't shout and I talked it through with him after - don't like the behaviour but love him very very much - but I feel so bad.

no one is a perfect parent OP

Honestly if the current parenting thing is to never show you’re annoyed with children when they’re being horrible and to,apologise if you do, no wonder teachers struggle and so many parents seem to find raising children a challenge.

You have just reminded me of the time DS had a total meltdown about the colour cup I put his water in. I asked him which one and he couldn't make his mind up so I choose, he'd been having a bad day anyway and I don't think anything I did would have made any difference he was just heading for a big meltdown anyway.

It must have been bad as even his older sister reminds me of it sometimes.

Maybe she was just tired and couldn't cope with today. I do think like us they have bad and good days, just at that age they can't express it very well. Or even understand they are having a bad day and it comes out in tantrums.

I to found some days difficult when the kids where little. So take a deep breath do something to chill out and relax, as she's probably just tired.

Did she apologise to you?

The trouble is you didnt deal with badbehaviour in the moment. You tried to please and appease her all day until you inevitably reached breaking point. Why do you think ignoring bratty behaviour is 'saintly'? it isnt, you are letting her down by not addressing it!

I don’t apologise for getting frustrated no, as I certainly wouldn’t want to teach my daughters to apologise for having normal emotions/reactions. That leads to people pleasing.

i would apologise for behaving inappropriately if I was frustrated but walking away and breathing deeply in a separate room isn’t inappropriate.

It's ok to show human emotions to your kids, it's ok for your kids to realise you have a limit, you're not a bad person for getting annoyed by annoying behaviour, nor for letting your kid see that annoyance.

Kids at that age can be annoying and irrational. You're doing fine.

Why did you apologise for getting frustrated? You’re allowed to get frustrated (and react appropriately). Equally you’re allowed not to enjoy certain times with your children. Not every moment is “making memories”, sunshine and rainbows.

I had three under three (all single births) and some (many) days were pure shite.

I think muttering under your breath was fine. Even if she had heard it I don’t really see a problem! But as she didn’t hear it, and all you did was walk away for a minute, I don’t think you should have apologised to her. You had nothing to apologise for