To have sent DCs friends home for this behaviour?

Oh for goodness sake

Carrying on playing a silly game (which they might well have cleaned up after once they were finished but never got the chance) and rolling your eyes behind someone's back isn't what causes children to go off the rails!

What can cause children to go off the rails, however, is social ostracisation, bullying and then going to extreme to try and fit in.

OP could have handled the whole situation better, explained herself so the girls knew what the issue was, helped clear up, given them a chance before the nuclear option - all of which would have been better and less likely to have a negative impact on her daughter

Rolling your eyes behind someone's back is hardly the height of disrespect and certainly much more minor than doing it to their face.

You know you overreacted. Have you apologized to your daughter? I really hope she doesn't get bullied/teased at school for this.
Also she's 11, you're in for a rough few years if you keep being so uptight.

Yep totally unreasonable. They were just having fun…. I would have probably rolled my eyes atyou too. I would have left the mop out and made sure they cleaned it up.

They are preteens and it was water, not ideal.but personally i would not have sent them home for this, i would have just been a bit firmer in the first instance and made sure they were cleaning it up and going back upstairs at the time. Kids will push boundaries a little, imo you massively overreacted here

Massive overreaction IMO. Yes the eye rolling was disrespectful but it wasn't to your face. You sound a bit mean tbh.

I haven’t RTFT but when I saw your title 'water on the floor' was not remotely in my mind!

It's your house, your rules but this seems like a bit of harmless fun. Agree they should clean up, but sending home is harsh.

Christ, poor kid, massive over reaction.

I remember when my DD was similar age … we were in a taxi coming home from a party at about 2am and saw DD and her mates strolling down the high street … they’d climbed out the window of the house they were having a sleepover and decided to go for a wander.

My kids when teens would never have behaved like that. You don't seem at all bothered by the behaviour of the teens you teach, unless you’re teaching at an actual school for delinquents.

Ha, thinking about it now we used to make stupid random phone calls from phone boxes and play knock down Ginger.

Everyone at school will now feel sorry for your daughter..
For goodness sake.. they were doing it in the kitchen (which I assume isn't carpeted) and it was water. Worst case scenario, you wash the floor.

I would have laughed along. It sounds like they were having a lovely, age appropriate time.

You need to unclench before you end up in a psych ward!

I don't understand the big deal.about water on the kitchen floor (which is usually designed to withstand some spillage)

But even less do I understand how there are "reasons" you kicked up a fuss yet they're "not relevant" to the situation....

I remember going to play at a friend's house in a Sunday afternoon, when I was a similar age. My friend had a brand new carpet in her bedroom. It was just after Christmas and she had a craft set which involved making something and decorating it with paint. She suggested we do it, and we didn't think to put anything down to protect the carpet. My friend dripped a splodge of blue paint on the new pale pink carpet. We panicked and started rubbing at it with tissues, then wetting tissues etc. Her mum must have heard the commotion and came in. I could tell from her face she was cross, but I always remember her voice remaining calm and talking us through what we needed to do to try and remove the stain, helping us to scrub with various products. The stain was not coming out. She eventually told us to go and watch TV and carried on working on it herself.

My friend was crying, insisting to her mum that it was her fault as it was her idea to paint and she was the one who dropped the paint, not me. I remember her mum saying to my friend 'we'll talk about it later'. She took me home at the arranged time (my mum didn't drive) and didn't say a word to my mum about what had happened. My mum could tell that evening I was worried about something though, and I confessed to her what had happened. My mum then rang my friend's mum to apologise profusely and offer to go halves to have it professionally cleaned but her mum insisted it was an accident, don't worry about it and it had come out (if definitely hadn't, when I next went round my friend showed me the stain under a rug they'd had to place over the top).

My friend told me the next day at school that her mum had gone ballistic when I went and she was grounded. Had my friend not told me, I wouldn't have known how cross she was. Looking back, I think that mum handled the situation so well. She ensured her daughter was told off and punished for such a silly, impulsive choice to paint in her bedroom on the new carpet, without covers, but she didn't kick off at all in front of her friend, saving her from the ultimate embarrassment.

There are several ways this could have been handled differently:-

• OP could have turned a blind eye to the rudeness in front of the friends (especially as they didn't know she'd seen the eye-rolling in the mirror). She then could have disciplined her daughter in private, the next day, and issued a consequence. Maybe no sleepovers for the next 3 months, or those particular rude girls are not invited around again?Something like that. Her daughter would have understood her mum won't stand for such disrespect in her house, but she saves face in front of her friends and doesn't face the risk of relentless teasing afterwards at school.

• OP could have physically put the mop/cloths in their hands and supervised the tidy up operation to ensure it happened. Problem defused and everybody quickly moves on and forgets about the silly game that got a bit out of hand. Everyone learns she is serious and they need to respect her wishes in her house, without her losing it to the point where her outburst is forever remembered and her daughter totally humiliated.

• OP could have come back in after the eye-rolling, and said "I've asked you to stop and tidy up your mess. You either do it now, or the sleepover is over and I'm calling your parents to pick you up". Slightly embarrassing for her daughter, but I'm pretty sure they would have done as they were told if the consequence was outlined to them as no 11 year old wants to a) have a sleepover cancelled at 9pm and b) the embarrassment of their own parents knowing they have been rude to a friend's mum. They would have quickly moved on to something else and mum's moan would have been forgotten about.

OP went straight to the most extreme punishment, without outlining the consequences of ignoring her wishes. That's pretty poor parenting, and definitely not the way to handle unknown children who may be bought up differently and don't know your expectations. In an ideal world, all children would respect the wishes of adults straight away and follow instructions without question. They are children though (giddy children at a sleepover no less). Boundaries need to be explained. You do as I ask, or this will happen. Then you follow through if necessary, after giving a couple of chances to allow them to make the right choice. That's a pretty basic behaviour management technique.

There's plenty of middle ground. Yes there do seem to be some in the 'kids will be kids, they were doing nothing wrong' camp, and there are some in the 'I'm with you OP, rudeness should not be tolerated and I would have kicked them out too' camp. However, a lot of us are very much of the thinking that the behaviour was rude, but OP should have had a bit of thought for the effect her actions would have on her daughter and handled the situation differently. There's your middle ground.

I can’t remember many sleepovers as a kid/teen where the parents didn’t get a bit annoyed at the behaviour of a group of over excited girls but I can’t imagine any of them ever kicking us out! I think this is really sad for your DD actually.

Is she 11 at the end of primary school or at the start of secondary? Hope for her sakes it’s end of primary and she has a chance to shake it off and start again at secondary.

You’ve accepted it was OTT but how do you even go about fixing it? Your daughter must be so embarrassed and you’ve potentially put her friends off ever coming round again at such an important time for making friendships and memories. That punishment doesn’t fit the “crime” of playing a popular trend (does nobody remember Innuendo Bingo on Radio 1? This game has been around years!) and having a bit of attitude to an overreaction to a harmless game.

It's not the game itself that is the problem here, although it is pretty darned silly, but this:
When i returned to the kitchen they were still playing the game, with the manky water still on the floor so I asked them to stop again. I have a mirror in the kitchen and saw the two other girls rolling their eyes behind my back and trying not to snigger.

This is disrespectful and bad-mannered and and simply not acceptable. I think I would have said very clearly that I wanted the mess cleared up right now and stood by to make sure it happened. I would have stated that both girls would have to go home if it did not happen right away.

If they did not set to to clear up their mess I would have acted on the threat.

I thought you were going to say they chucked eggs
on the floor

They sound childish but that’s because they’re children

It’s just water, I can understand the snippy parent’s reaction tbh. When I was about 14 I had a friend over and we decided to bake but we started throwing flour at each other. My Mum came home and went absolutely ballistic. This was a relatively new friend and I was mortified. I admit I probably would go ape if I got home from work and found this too but at the time it was super embarrassing.

With respect, do you not think the teens to whom you refer have progressed to getting drunk and smashing things up because their parents didn’t set boundaries and enforce them when they were younger, and had no expectation of reasonable behaviour ?

OP is being sent the message that because DD was having a sleepover, she should have had no expectation that she or her friends would do as they were told, and that she deserved to be disrespected as a result of asking them to stop what they were doing and clean up after themselves. They were in OP’s kitchen at 9pm spitting water all over the floor. Absolutely fine for them to have fun. It’s not the game that’s the problem. It’s their rude and entitled attitude in carrying on after they had been asked to stop that’s the issue here.

There doesn’t seem to be any middle ground here, ‘teens will be teens’ and sleepovers aren’t some magical get out of jail free card for bad behaviour. Maybe on reflection OP has realised that she was a bit OTT, but in that moment l can absolutely see why she did what she did.

If I eyerolled about something, my mother increased the punishment. I am grateful because I never ever eyeroll no matter what the provocation. In fact, my muscles have forgotten how to even do it. Nobody looks mature or adult rolling their eyes. It is just like the decision never to give the fingers to bad drivers. Nobody looks good doing that either.

I teach teens (and have a teen and pre-teen). This is very typical behaviour - they were having fun. Eye rolling and teens are synonymous - you just have to let it go. 30 years ago I’m sure I eye rolled for Britain! Like PP said, I would have made them clear up at the end. Kindly, but you will have many more challenges in store with a teenager. Deep breaths required! (Their game also sounded harmless. Teens I teach are hanging round the rec each night getting drunk and smashing shit up).

Well on the plus side you've shown some 11 year olds who's boss and that you won't be 'disrespected' in your house, so well done for that. On the other hand you've got a name for yourself as an uptight battleaxe who neither the kids nor parents involved will want much if anything to do with, which is bound to impact your daughter's friendships at a critical time. Which is more important? Only you can decide.

That’s almost certainly what happened @SALaw

That’s how it usually works with kids.They would have followed her lead since they see as her the host.

This is why the mother should have taken her aside and had a word with her and said she needs to make sure her friends stop this game and start cleaning it up or the sleepover ends tonight.

Making slime would be the obvious one to me. That is messy af. Or playing with pre made slime on a carpet. But back in the 80s I’d say phoning randoms and saying stupid things to them would be a common sleepover activity for kids that age.

Her own daughter didn’t! Maybe they were prepared to do just that and her daughter said no let’s carry on?