To have sent DCs friends home for this behaviour?

Lots of the TikTok trends have been dangerous. Lots of kids doing it doesn’t mean a trend is ok.

The OP is in charge of other people’s children. While some might think disobeying twice and eye rolling is acceptable, it’s rude and disrespectful. So is making a mess in someone else’s house . They would not get back if they did that in my house.

What if one of the kids aspirated water during this sleepover? Inhaled while laughing at the wrong moment? It doesn’t take a lot of water to cause lung problems and I doubt the parents would have been forgiving if something went wrong like that.
It’s recommended an adult be present during this ‘challenge’ . It’s not just a silly game…it does carry some risk..that’s the point of most of the challenges.

not unreasonable and maybe the kids learn some manners

In this situation it would have moved the 'game' on and got them doing something you wanted them to do, kept the atmosphere fun and light and resulted in a successful sleepover and happy dc including op's own.

No reason you can't do that and gently admonish them and point out that the behaviour is falling below the standard expected requires.

Depends what you want in general tbh.

I am not responsible for the overall moral and social upbringing of my children's friends. I am responsible for keeping them safe and happy while they are with me, and ensuring that everyone has a nice fun time. I want my dc to feel able to bring friends home and to be able to make mistakes and move on from them too.

I would be interested to know how many of these 'ton of bricks' posters have older dc and how their relationships have gone with teen and adult dc.

My dad overreacted to everything and so I didn't have friends over and spent most of my time elsewhere.

This level of response to a very very minor i fraction seems nuts and makes you look silly and is hard to row back from (or escalate from too). But hey, at least those pesky kids know they were disrespectful eh?

I strongly suspect a lot more people have eye rolled at op since the original event...

Saying sorry to someone when you feel you are wrong is not grovelling..

And again

The hot chocolate and popcorn was BEFORE the eyerolling

It's not bribery

They were doing something OP didn't approve but wasn't misbehaving - OP just didn't like the game

And yes, the need or situation for the disrespect to happen could easily be avoided by not overreacting

OP hasn't said she is sorry, though. And nor does she need to be, or to run round in circles grovelling and trying to appease everybody. Bloody hell, whatever happened to adults being the ones in charge?

Exactly

Divert from the activiry you don't approve of (but crucially isn't causing harm or is illegal etc) to an equally fun activity

Make them feel welcome not humiliated

You don't earn it through bribery either. And re your suggestion, yes it was suggested for before the eye-rolling, but they'd already misbehaved at that point, and to me the film/hot chocolate/popcorn would come across as a bribe. Kids that age can see right through these.

Oh, and... the need to be disrespectful?? 🤔

Reasonable. But treats are normally for when kids behave well. Treats when they've just been rolling their eyes (whether seen or unseen) at their hosts sends the message that anything goes, they'll still get nice things anyway.

And I think of them a bit like toddlers.

Distract from the behaviour you don't want, set them up doing something you do want them to do and give everyone a nice snack and drink while they're doing it. Create the vibe and atmosphere you'd like to sustain.

It's not slack or poor parenting to move the whole situation on and making sure interactions are more positive.

I wouldn’t have sent them home , no , I’d have l left them at it , put a time on it when they had to go play a diff game & obviously they had to do the clean up .
That said , it’s done now & I’m sure you’re kinda sorry or you wouldn’t be posting here 🤷🏻‍♀️
.
If It was me in your shoes , I would text the moms in question & just say sorry, you feel you over reacted, & say you’d like to apologise to the girls aswel .
That way you won’t be known as a mean mom , & you’ll be in your dds good books again . 🙂

It's not nonsense. Sending them home was the nuclear option. The option with very little escalation above it. The option that should be saved for much worse crimes than a bit of eye rolling

And if you bothered to read, you'll see the suggestion for a film with hot chocolate and popcorn was to be made before the eyerolling, to prevent the need to be disrespectful in the first place. You don't earn respect through fear but understanding

They were playing fairly Innocently. I would have told them they has to clear it up when they finished I wouldn't have sent them home that's a huge overreaction imho

It's very relevant

There is a huge difference in the level of disrespect intended between wanting someone to see and know you're disrespecting them and rolling your eyes behind someone's back

I don't root my self esteem in the reaction of tweens.

Agreed.

I've got teens doing gcses. They're all top sets, working hard, have part time jobs, do DofE (with all the volunteering and music and drama lessons that entails), babysit for friends and neighbours, are on sports teams....

I am no way a lax, lazy or permissive parent and my dc are respectful, productive and wonderful young people.

However, I absolutely wouldn't have overreacted in the way the OP did and would have chosen to not make a big deal out of this.

I have dc who talk to me about everything, confide in me, are able to be honest and open. They know their friends are welcome, they we are always the place they can come back to, that there will always be food and bedding for whoever needs it.

Parenting in such a in extreme and intolerant way will lead to your teens going elsewhere. They will do sleepovers where you have no say in who is there. You won't know who people are when they talk about them. They won't tell you when things go wrong or they mess up.

I am not a permissive parent at all, but I not an authoritarian either.

Your reaction (and some of those on here!) was akin to them spitting in your face and calling you a cnt tbh*

What nonsense. And as for toadying up to them with hot chocolate and popcorn after they'd been rolling their eyes at OP... how much respect do you think that would earn?

So what? It's irrelevant whether it was intended to be seen. They were disrespectful and got called out on it. Quite rightly imo. 11 is plenty old enough to understand the concept of respecting one's elders.

Bet she’s dreading school this morning, poor kid 😟

That’s a stretch. Most people are saying this game wasn’t an issue and the OP massively overreacted. It’s a jump to then say those parents aren’t properly disciplining their children or teaching them manners just because they are happy for a bit of totally harmless nonsense on a sleepover. I’d say I’m quite a strict parent and I have kids in their mid teens that aren’t running wild or being rude etc but I’d have had zero issue with the game being played (and the attempt to contain the water in the bowls) provided they cleared up afterwards.

Your poor daughter, this is not going to play out well for her at school.

I've put up with worse! I make them clean up and tell them if they want to be cheeky do that in their own house, but wouldn't have sent them home.

I'm sure you would let your spoilt brats to spit on somebody else's floor while visiting. What a role model you must be!

Do not, even for a second, think you did anything wrong! Plenty of posters here must use permissive way of raising their children, which why everything is going down the drain. You did a good thing. You know the limits and you stick to it. Who cares what the other parent thinks, if their little spoilt brat was raised to listen and obey, wouldn't need to go home. It's totally their fault (and I'm hoping you spoilt their plans!)

Absolutely! Permissive raising is the best! When children doesn't take 'NO'! And later become sociopaths. Yes please, we need more children like this!

Good job for OP who knows the limits!