To have sent DCs friends home for this behaviour?

See, whilst spitting a bit of water might be quite minor to a lot of people, I think that very specifically going against what they were asked to do by their host shows a fairly major lack of respect.

If I'm responsible for other people's kids, I need to be able to trust that they'll do what I ask them to. If I can't rely on that, then I don't want to be responsible for them.

You're right, this is to do with manners. The OP's appalling manners towards guests in her house.

These children were playing! They were having fun! Doing something that 11-year-olds up and down the country are doing in their kitchens right at this very moment.

If the OP is so fragile, uptight and house proud (or alternatively mentally out of kilter) that she cannot tolerate a little bit of giggling and some water on her floor which can be swept up in minutes, she really needs to recognise that and not have her daughter invite her friends round, especially not for sleepovers where high jinks are absolutely essential to the fun.

This is what I thought. Quite sensible to have bowls and in the kitchen!

Seems a harmless game to me and I think eye rolling comes with the age to be honest.

I wouldn't be happy if my son was at someone else's house, and thought it was acceptable to be spitting water all over the floor. They may have well been playing a game, and were supposed to be spitting water into a bowl, but they weren't! If they'd been outside, I wouldn't have had an issue at all, but I wouldn't have wanted water all over my kitchen floor!!

It's not about the water, it's about the lack of respect towards someone's else home. It's also about the lack of respect towards an adult, who isn't their Mum, who they ignored, when asked to stop and clean up the mess! I might have rolled my eyes at my own Mum, after all she's my Mum, but certainly not another adult in their own home - it's rude and disrespectful.

I wouldn't have sent the girl's home but I would have made it clear that their behaviour may be acceptable at home, but it isn't in mine. I'd have been mortified if my son had behaved so rudely to another child's parent, because he'd have been brought up knowing better!!

How many times is reasonable for an adult to ask a child to do something before they actually take notice and do it ? How reasonable is it to ignore a rude gesture and what kind of message does that send ? It’s not the activity that matters, it’s their response to OP’s request.

The assertion that OP is the one at fault here is batshit. No-one wants ‘Debretts programmed robots’ as you so charmingly put it. But equally no-one wants badly behaved, entitled and disrespectful children, and nipping it in the bud now in an entirely age appropriate way will stop them from growing into badly behaved, entitled and disrespectful adults.

I think it was a really unreasonable reaction and I'm not sure it necessarily fit what they did.

Adults have power.... because they are adults??? And know better than an 11 year old???

Lord of the flies anyone?

She was not OTT at all. The kids were told, twice. Behaviour still continued.

So a punishment was applied.

They were very rude.

I’m torn, on one hand I think you were a bit harsh and could have used clever communication to stop them in their tracks, but on the other hand, good for you not letting them overrule you in your own house.

They won’t be doing it again, so at least give set a good precedent.

The OP was completely out of control! Come on!

No I won't "come on!"

They were asked to stop & clean up & they decided to ignore & carry on.

Why should the sleepover go ahead?

*for

Good Fri you op. The eye rolling would have been the final straw for me too.

And your DD not speaking to you?? She'll learn.

I 100% agree with your response, if the game had taken place in the summer in the garden it wouldn’t have been a problem. Its yet another example of children being allowed to disrespect other people and their home. Well done for your action

I don’t really feel this is acceptable, fine if you want to treat your kids so strictly but these girls were guests in her home and she chucked them out over something very minor and they are kids. It was incredibly rude of the op. Inconsiderate and embarrassing to her daughter.

And you don't think she might have been forced by her parents to apologise?
Parents who probably think something much worse happened for the OP to lose her shit and send them home?

The daughter was sent home because she was asked to stop doing something & clean up.

She just ignored that & carried on.

Why shouldn't her parents tell her that she was wrong & she should apologise?

Why should they think that something "much worse" happened?

I understand that lots of people wouldn't have minded this behaviour. But the OP did mind it. You make the rules in your households, she makes the rules in hers.

All children should understand that when they are a guest they follow their host's rules - that's the bare minimum of good manners.

Seeing just how many parents think that their 11yo kids should get to decide the rules in someone else's house has at least been very informative for me as a teacher.

Reading some of the posts here makes you realise why kids are rude and disrespectful to teachers and why some of them behave so badly to their parents. Teaching manners isn’t an extreme sport, it doesn’t make you an authoritarian or a parent your child is terrified of. Kids can still have fun while being aware they are a guest in someone else’s house.

The OP was completely out of control! Come on!

Just because you have power as an adult doesn't mean that you get to throw your weight around like this.

And it's absolutely fine for teens to roll their eyes. They're allowed to disagree and challenge adults.

Good, if they told her to apologise that's entirely right

And there's no evidence that they think their child did something worse - not least because they presumably heard an accountant both from the op and their child

And you don't think she might have been forced by her parents to apologise?

Parents who probably think something much worse happened for the OP to lose her shit and send them home?

"told them they could then settle in front of a film/dvd with snacks" 😂

Yes, absolutely, you're right, what children need is more screen time and more food. They're not sedentary or fat or screen addicated enough yet!

The little shits, that was uncalled for but they were rude and disrespectful to the adult whose home they were guests in. Having fun doesn’t negate the need to have manners. I was taught manners from a young age and I taught my children manners pretty much from day dot. I wouldn’t have kicked them out.

In hindsight my reaction was probably OTT but there are reasons for it which I won't go into, because they still don't justify my reaction

Were any of these reasons anything to do with the two kids you sent home?

@VictorBaucherOrSomething I think the fact one of the girls apologised shows you dealt with it perfectly reasonably

Her DD needs to feel mortified, a short sharp shock is what she needs to realise that when an adult tells you to do something you do it.. They were asked to stop and were rude and disrespectful. If the parents were inconvenienced then maybe it’ll prompt them to ensure their kids behave themselves on other peoples homes.