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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have sent DCs friends home for this behaviour?

588 replies

VictorBaucherOrSomething · 10/01/2026 14:07

DD (11) had two friends for a sleepover last night. About 9pm I walked into the kitchen to find them playing some 'game' where one of them was trying to make the other two laugh when their mouths were full of water. The girls were holding soup bowls and spitting the water into them, except they were obviously missing the bowls and there was spat-out water on my kitchen floor. I asked them to stop and to clean up the mess they made.

When i returned to the kitchen they were still playing the game, with the manky water still on the floor so I asked them to stop again. I have a mirror in the kitchen and saw the two other girls rolling their eyes behind my back and trying not to snigger. At that point I told them it was time for them to go home, so I called their parents to collect them. One parent was pretty apologetic, the other was less than impressed and was pretty snippy with me.

DD still isn't speaking to me for sending her pals away but I was pissed off with the lack of respect from them. AIBU?

OP posts:
QuickPeachPoet · 10/01/2026 17:36

BunnyLake · 10/01/2026 17:24

I’d imagine the parents of those kids are the ones who have their phones on loudspeaker and their dirty shoes propped up on the seat opposite on public transport.

The brats in classrooms not the DD’s friends.

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perhaps not but they are still the ones who continue to engage in bad behaviour in someone else's house despite being told to stop. No respect for authority at all.

SALaw · 10/01/2026 17:35

Rosscameasdoody · 10/01/2026 17:29

Why can’t she manage that herself ? They all know what they did was wrong and the friends know why they were sent home. Any minimising of that, or worse still an apology will negate the punishment.

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But the OP has accepted she was wrong? Should we not apologise when we are wrong?

parakeet · 10/01/2026 17:35

Your DD is only 11, you don't know eye rolling until you have gone through the teenage years. Personally I found it easier to ignore eye rolling and focussed only on rude language or behaviour. You have to pick your battles. They weren't even doing it to your face, you only happened to see it in a mirror.

MrsPinkSky · 10/01/2026 17:34

Rosscameasdoody · 10/01/2026 17:29

Why can’t she manage that herself ? They all know what they did was wrong and the friends know why they were sent home. Any minimising of that, or worse still an apology will negate the punishment.

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And they'll all know that their friend has a hot-headed mother who knee-jerks into sending them home, instead of dealing with childish 11 year old behaviour.

No-one is going to want to stay at that girl's house when word gets around, and no parents are going to want their kids in the OP's care overnight.

That's a lot for an 11 year old to deal with.

QuinqueremeofNiveneh · 10/01/2026 17:34

Rosscameasdoody · 10/01/2026 17:32

No. She knows now that her mum won’t stand for being disobeyed and disrespected, as do her friends. OP may well feel that she over reacted. That doesn’t mean she has to communicate that to her DD. They were punished for good reason and in my view the punishment was age appropriate and warranted.

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😂

When you watch Matilda, do you find yourself identifying quite strongly with Miss Trunchbull by any chance?

SALaw · 10/01/2026 17:33

Ooft mortifying! I remember playing that game also, including as a student with Aftershock 🤣. Water is much easier than Aftershock to clean up, let me tell you. Hopefully next sleepover (if there is one) they will quietly cross stitch in the parlor.

Middlemarch123 · 10/01/2026 17:33

QuinqueremeofNiveneh · 10/01/2026 17:26

Fair enough, each to their own. I would much rather my kids were laughing and messing around with their friends (and spitting water all over our kitchen floor in the process), not zombied in front of a screen.

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I think we’re at cross purposes, maybe I was unclear, I said fine to the water play, then followed by them clearing up, then the dvd (to hopefully wind them down) x

Rosscameasdoody · 10/01/2026 17:32

MrsPinkSky · 10/01/2026 17:27

I'm not sure the OP's daughter will confide in her about any blowback.

She knows now that her mum is prone to overreacting and may be worried about her storming down the school - all guns blazing.

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No. She knows now that her mum won’t stand for being disobeyed and disrespected, as do her friends. OP may well feel that she over reacted. That doesn’t mean she has to communicate that to her DD. They were punished for good reason and in my view the punishment was age appropriate and warranted.

BunnyLake · 10/01/2026 17:32

QuinqueremeofNiveneh · 10/01/2026 17:26

Fair enough, each to their own. I would much rather my kids were laughing and messing around with their friends (and spitting water all over our kitchen floor in the process), not zombied in front of a screen.

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We were a fun house for my kids growing up, it was the one their friends wanted to come to but no way would I have been okaying them spitting water all over the kitchen floor in the name of fun!

diddl · 10/01/2026 17:30

You are SO fun! 😂

OK😂

Rosscameasdoody · 10/01/2026 17:29

Passingthrough123 · 10/01/2026 17:25

Good you recognise you were OTT. How are you going to help your DD manage any potential blowback at school?

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Why can’t she manage that herself ? They all know what they did was wrong and the friends know why they were sent home. Any minimising of that, or worse still an apology will negate the punishment.

QuinqueremeofNiveneh · 10/01/2026 17:29

diddl · 10/01/2026 17:15

The OP was completely out of control! Come on!

No I won't "come on!"

They were asked to stop & clean up & they decided to ignore & carry on.

Why should the sleepover go ahead?

You are SO fun! 😂

MrsPinkSky · 10/01/2026 17:27

Passingthrough123 · 10/01/2026 17:25

Good you recognise you were OTT. How are you going to help your DD manage any potential blowback at school?

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I'm not sure the OP's daughter will confide in her about any blowback.

She knows now that her mum is prone to overreacting and may be worried about her storming down the school - all guns blazing.

QuinqueremeofNiveneh · 10/01/2026 17:26

Middlemarch123 · 10/01/2026 17:21

Yes absolutely snacks and a dvd of their choice, it’s fun, it’s a sleepover, not detention! Like an evening having fun at a mates house is going to ruin them for life.

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Fair enough, each to their own. I would much rather my kids were laughing and messing around with their friends (and spitting water all over our kitchen floor in the process), not zombied in front of a screen.

queenMab99 · 10/01/2026 17:25

I would have sent them home, they were rude to you. Your daughter deserves to be
embarrassed, and I wouldn't sanction any sleepovers for a good while.

Passingthrough123 · 10/01/2026 17:25

VictorBaucherOrSomething · 10/01/2026 16:55

Yes its the daughter of the parent who was apologetic. In hindsight my reaction was probably OTT but there are reasons for it which I won't go into, because they still don't justify my reaction

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Good you recognise you were OTT. How are you going to help your DD manage any potential blowback at school?

Thelittlegreyone · 10/01/2026 17:25

I don't think YWBU and if this was one of my kids, I'd damn well want to know about it.

BunnyLake · 10/01/2026 17:24

QuickPeachPoet · 10/01/2026 17:22

Sorry I don't think YWBU. You asked them to stop and they didn't.
No wonder our classrooms are full of entitled brats.
They won't do it again.

Edited

I’d imagine the parents of those kids are the ones who have their phones on loudspeaker and their dirty shoes propped up on the seat opposite on public transport.

The brats in classrooms not the DD’s friends.

QuinqueremeofNiveneh · 10/01/2026 17:24

Rosscameasdoody · 10/01/2026 17:18

How many times is reasonable for an adult to ask a child to do something before they actually take notice and do it ? How reasonable is it to ignore a rude gesture and what kind of message does that send ? It’s not the activity that matters, it’s their response to OP’s request.

The assertion that OP is the one at fault here is batshit. No-one wants ‘Debretts programmed robots’ as you so charmingly put it. But equally no-one wants badly behaved, entitled and disrespectful children, and nipping it in the bud now in an entirely age appropriate way will stop them from growing into badly behaved, entitled and disrespectful adults.

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They were HAVING FUN.

Fair enough if the parental intervention was in some way justified or necessary.

But the OP imposed herself on a situation that was completely normal, harmless and really good fun and ruined the night for at least seven other people. (Quite an achievement!)

What a total kill joy. I am absolutely cringing at her conduct and feel desperately sorry for her kid.

MrsPinkSky · 10/01/2026 17:23

diddl · 10/01/2026 17:13

And you don't think she might have been forced by her parents to apologise?
Parents who probably think something much worse happened for the OP to lose her shit and send them home?

The daughter was sent home because she was asked to stop doing something & clean up.

She just ignored that & carried on.

Why shouldn't her parents tell her that she was wrong & she should apologise?

Why should they think that something "much worse" happened?

Because dragging parents out to pick their kids up at what would've been getting on for 9.30pm, is extreme.

If you can't handle this sort of behaviour from a few 11 year olds, don't invite them for a sleepover.

Not that the OP's daughter would want to commit social suicide again anyway.

QuickPeachPoet · 10/01/2026 17:22

Sorry I don't think YWBU. You asked them to stop and they didn't.
No wonder our classrooms are full of entitled brats.
They won't do it again.

Original poster
VictorBaucherOrSomething · 10/01/2026 17:22

MrsPinkSky · 10/01/2026 17:06

In hindsight my reaction was probably OTT but there are reasons for it which I won't go into, because they still don't justify my reaction

Were any of these reasons anything to do with the two kids you sent home?

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Yes with one, but I don't want to go into it, it's not overly relevant to what happened last night

OP posts:
BunnyLake · 10/01/2026 17:21

Goodness knows how some of these parents and kids would have managed when my dad was a kid. He used to tell me when they were kids going to matinee showings at the cinema, there would be staff walking around with long sticks and they’d give you a whack if you were too noisy 😂 kids were tough in those days.

ticklyfeet · 10/01/2026 17:21

DoIdriveaVauxhallZafira · 10/01/2026 16:53

"An uncomfortable situation for your daughter"

oh give over!! She's 11!

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You don’t think this will be talked about at school?

You don’t think that this will be seen as an over the top reaction by the OP?
If you do, then I think you have forgotten just how childhood dynamics work for children at school.

Middlemarch123 · 10/01/2026 17:21

QuinqueremeofNiveneh · 10/01/2026 17:06

"told them they could then settle in front of a film/dvd with snacks" 😂

Yes, absolutely, you're right, what children need is more screen time and more food. They're not sedentary or fat or screen addicated enough yet!

Yes absolutely snacks and a dvd of their choice, it’s fun, it’s a sleepover, not detention! Like an evening having fun at a mates house is going to ruin them for life.