Page 6 | To want to stay home.

inthecornersofmymind · 2026-01-10T13:12:26+00:00

Every Saturday, I usually take the boys out for the day, but today is very cold and I'm not in the mood for it. They have many things to enjoy in the house. Our 10-year-old is fine with being at home, but our 4-year-old isn't. He is by the door with his coat and shoes on, in tears. I suggested that he play outside in the garden, but he refuses; he wants to go outside instead. I asked him if he wanted to bake, but as I suggest more activities, the more upset he gets. So I’ve just left him at the door. My Husband isn’t bothered that he is crying at the door and has told me to leave him alone, I still feel a sense of guilt. I'm considering taking him out for an hour or two to get some fresh air; however, the problem is that he loves being outside. As soon as it's time to come back inside, he will refuse, and if I don't have a grip on his hand, he'll run down the street. I find myself having to offer him a bribe to get him inside, which I have been trying to put an end to. Today, I really want to steer clear of any stress and just want to relax. Am I being unfair to our child by not feeling up to going outside?

Original poster

inthecornersofmymind · 12/01/2026 22:06

QuayshhLawrain · 12/01/2026 21:39

OP, forgive me if I'm wrong, but I'm fairly sure I recognise you from previous threads you've started. It seems your DH is very rigid in his thinking regarding parenting your boys, and this is rubbing off on them. I seem to recall your DS being upset you wouldn't buy him a toy, but your DH overriding your decision? As I'm sure I said then, you need to work on your DH, and the DC's behaviour changes will follow. Best of luck.

Hey there!

I haven't posted anything here until now, and my husband would not go against any decisions about our children wanting a toy.

OP posts:

Motherbear44 · 12/01/2026 22:06

Aluna · 11/01/2026 10:14

OP rather needs to focus on no means no with her husband. No he does not get to opt out of exercising his children.

Cold is not bad weather. The only excuse not to go outside at all is if it’s pouring with rain all day, which doesn’t happen that often, and there’s usually dry spells within it. Nor does rain preclude swimming or indoor sports.

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Fair enough. The OP did say that she was working on her son’s behavior though. I was addressing that.

A lot of work needs to be done by both parents asap. I hope that they are up for it.

Original poster

inthecornersofmymind · 12/01/2026 22:03

I followed the suggestions shared in this thread to encourage our 4-year-old to come inside when he resists.

Both boys attended their tennis lesson this evening. As usual, once outside the house, he hesitated to come inside, despite having told me in the car on the way home that he was sleepy and wanted his bath, a story, and then to go to sleep.

Without speaking or negotiating, I just grabbed his hand and brought him inside the house.

He was a little frustrated with me about a pair pyjamas that he said he wanted to wear; even though he changed his mind, it somehow ended up being my fault.

He has been sleeping alone in his bed for the last few nights. However, tonight he refused to even get into bed.

I’m not sure whether his behavior stemmed from being overtired or feeling frustrated about the pyjamas.

I asked my husband if he could settle him since he listens to him, but he replied that he 'can’t deal with that tonight and that he is tired' and told me to just put him in with our 10-year-old.

I'll give it another attempt tomorrow evening. While I know my husband may be tired, I doubt he realises that he could have effortlessly fixed the problem.

OP posts:

QuayshhLawrain · 12/01/2026 21:39

OP, forgive me if I'm wrong, but I'm fairly sure I recognise you from previous threads you've started. It seems your DH is very rigid in his thinking regarding parenting your boys, and this is rubbing off on them. I seem to recall your DS being upset you wouldn't buy him a toy, but your DH overriding your decision? As I'm sure I said then, you need to work on your DH, and the DC's behaviour changes will follow. Best of luck.

Original poster

inthecornersofmymind · 12/01/2026 21:16

MovedlikeHarlowinMonteCarlo · 12/01/2026 17:44

Where does your one year old fit in all this? You have a lot of time to spend on your threads. Does he just get ignored?

He is not one-year-old; he is two. I don't dedicate much time to responding to threads here, and no, he's not being ignored.

I spend the majority of my time with him while the boys are at school and nursery.

We are either out shopping or spending time with friends. If I choose to stay in the house until it's time to pick up the boys, I engage in playing with him or watching his favorite shows together.

Whenever I want to go out by myself or with friends for any reason, my husband will look after him.

I want to understand why you would say that, since everyone else here doesn't seem to have any concerns about our other child, who is happy, loved, and well looked after.

OP posts:

MovedlikeHarlowinMonteCarlo · 12/01/2026 17:44

Where does your one year old fit in all this? You have a lot of time to spend on your threads. Does he just get ignored?

havingoneofthosedays · 12/01/2026 16:53

What in the stepford wives have I just read

Heronwatcher · 12/01/2026 15:00

inthecornersofmymind · 12/01/2026 14:10

What do you mean?

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I mean is he ordering parenting books and thinking about how he can help with the behavioural issues like trying to ensure that your DS will follow basic instructions and/ or not run away? And is he trying to manage his aversion to going outside or on trips etc? Or is he taking a different approach?

Because whilst you’ve said you don’t want professional help I don’t think you can do this on your own- it needs to be a team effort.

vanillalattes · 12/01/2026 14:46

inthecornersofmymind · 12/01/2026 14:22

I enjoy the routine of taking our boys to school in the morning and picking them up in the afternoon.

I have always enjoyed it, and it gives me the opportunity to spend time with some of the school mums.

I don't see the point in asking if he refuses doing school runs, since he would only need to do so if I am not able.

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And would he refuse in that situation? What if he didn’t want to go to work anymore, or shower, or do any solo parenting? Would you just roll over and accept that too?

GalaxyJam · 12/01/2026 14:44

inthecornersofmymind · 12/01/2026 14:10

What do you mean?

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I think the OP has said that you have identified the things that you will be doing to improve the situation with your son, so what will your husband be doing? Will he also read the parenting books and implement the techniques?

sittingonabeach · 12/01/2026 14:30

Will your DH read the parenting books as you will both need to be consistent with boundaries, parenting methods @inthecornersofmymind

sittingonabeach · 12/01/2026 14:28

If there is some aspect of parenting you both don't like do you not do it, or if it was necessary would you be the default parent who has to suck it up @inthecornersofmymind

Original poster

inthecornersofmymind · 12/01/2026 14:22

sittingonabeach · 12/01/2026 13:59

Does your DH refuse to do the school run if it is cold @inthecornersofmymind

I enjoy the routine of taking our boys to school in the morning and picking them up in the afternoon.

I have always enjoyed it, and it gives me the opportunity to spend time with some of the school mums.

I don't see the point in asking if he refuses doing school runs, since he would only need to do so if I am not able.

OP posts:

Cherrytree86 · 12/01/2026 14:17

@inthecornersofmymind OP, if you’re ok with your husband not going out, why can’t you be ok with your son not going in? Why is it ok for one and not the other?

Original poster

inthecornersofmymind · 12/01/2026 14:10

Heronwatcher · 12/01/2026 13:53

What’s your DH doing?

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What do you mean?

OP posts:

sittingonabeach · 12/01/2026 13:59

Does your DH refuse to do the school run if it is cold @inthecornersofmymind

Heronwatcher · 12/01/2026 13:53

inthecornersofmymind · 12/01/2026 13:24

I am financially independent; I do not rely on anyone for money and I will never need to.

Our 4-year-old prefers to spend most of his time outdoors because he genuinely enjoys being outside. Even in nursery, he enjoys playing outside more.

I haven't thought about seeking family support, as I believe this is something we can handle on our own without involving professionals.

As stated earlier, I am looking for therapy for myself and have purchased some parenting books.

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What’s your DH doing?

vanillalattes · 12/01/2026 13:48

You don’t need a parenting book, you both just need to get a bloody grip of yourselves and stop being so wet.

GalaxyJam · 12/01/2026 13:45

inthecornersofmymind · 12/01/2026 12:16

I willingly went along with it. My husband doesn't have to go out in the cold weather if he doesn't want to.

He would never make me do anything that he understands I dislike or find uncomfortable.

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Your children are learning by example and doing the same. They refuse to do things that they don’t want to do.

Starlight1984 · 12/01/2026 13:44

inthecornersofmymind · 12/01/2026 12:16

I willingly went along with it. My husband doesn't have to go out in the cold weather if he doesn't want to.

He would never make me do anything that he understands I dislike or find uncomfortable.

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My husband doesn't have to go out in the cold weather if he doesn't want to.

Dear oh dear.

sittingonabeach · 12/01/2026 13:36

What's the difference between the cold here and cold on a skiing trip @inthecornersofmymind?

Maybe your DC are following the example of you DH and refusing to do things they don't want to do

Original poster

inthecornersofmymind · 12/01/2026 13:24

Heronwatcher · 12/01/2026 13:13

You’re looking at this from a perspective that is very….odd.

It’s not a case of you “making” your partner do anything. It’s a case of looking at the kids and thinking, well we have a child who appears to be quite inflexible and with some behavioural issues, but who benefits from (a) being out and about and (b) seems to have an issue with discipline when it comes from mum. As a father, what is he going to do? Most caring, thoughtful dads would get more involved (including a short period outside) to try and help OF THEIR OWN VOLITION. Because they want happy kids and a loving wife. It’s just sort of how being a dad works. Dads who aren’t prepared to put their own discomforts/ preferences to one side for reasonable periods don’t end up with good relationships with their kids.

Also your unwavering acceptance of this is also not entirely normal. Do you have big things that you “won’t” do with the kids and so you feel that this is only fair to let your DH opt out? Do you work/ are you financially independent?

I am honestly beginning to think that there are some serious issues at home and this might be why your son wants to be out all the time and suddenly bolts when he sees the house. Have you considered some sort of family support via your GP? I think you could do with some help both in managing behaviour and whether the agreement that you have with your DH that neither of you have to parent if it makes you feel uncomfortable is actually going to work.

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I am financially independent; I do not rely on anyone for money and I will never need to.

Our 4-year-old prefers to spend most of his time outdoors because he genuinely enjoys being outside. Even in nursery, he enjoys playing outside more.

I haven't thought about seeking family support, as I believe this is something we can handle on our own without involving professionals.

As stated earlier, I am looking for therapy for myself and have purchased some parenting books.

OP posts:

Heronwatcher · 12/01/2026 13:13

inthecornersofmymind · 12/01/2026 12:16

I willingly went along with it. My husband doesn't have to go out in the cold weather if he doesn't want to.

He would never make me do anything that he understands I dislike or find uncomfortable.

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You’re looking at this from a perspective that is very….odd.

It’s not a case of you “making” your partner do anything. It’s a case of looking at the kids and thinking, well we have a child who appears to be quite inflexible and with some behavioural issues, but who benefits from (a) being out and about and (b) seems to have an issue with discipline when it comes from mum. As a father, what is he going to do? Most caring, thoughtful dads would get more involved (including a short period outside) to try and help OF THEIR OWN VOLITION. Because they want happy kids and a loving wife. It’s just sort of how being a dad works. Dads who aren’t prepared to put their own discomforts/ preferences to one side for reasonable periods don’t end up with good relationships with their kids.

Also your unwavering acceptance of this is also not entirely normal. Do you have big things that you “won’t” do with the kids and so you feel that this is only fair to let your DH opt out? Do you work/ are you financially independent?

I am honestly beginning to think that there are some serious issues at home and this might be why your son wants to be out all the time and suddenly bolts when he sees the house. Have you considered some sort of family support via your GP? I think you could do with some help both in managing behaviour and whether the agreement that you have with your DH that neither of you have to parent if it makes you feel uncomfortable is actually going to work.

Cherrytree86 · 12/01/2026 13:09

vanillalattes · 12/01/2026 12:54

Then you’re a total fool and it’s no wonder your son doesn’t respect you when you clearly don’t respect yourself.

Doesn’t like going out in the cold or to crowded places but can go on a skiing holiday - what a load of bollocks 😂

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@inthecornersofmymind

This, OP! Stop letting your husband walk all over you

vanillalattes · 12/01/2026 12:54

inthecornersofmymind · 12/01/2026 12:16

I willingly went along with it. My husband doesn't have to go out in the cold weather if he doesn't want to.

He would never make me do anything that he understands I dislike or find uncomfortable.

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Then you’re a total fool and it’s no wonder your son doesn’t respect you when you clearly don’t respect yourself.

Doesn’t like going out in the cold or to crowded places but can go on a skiing holiday - what a load of bollocks 😂