Page 5 | To want to stay home.

inthecornersofmymind · 2026-01-10T13:12:26+00:00

Every Saturday, I usually take the boys out for the day, but today is very cold and I'm not in the mood for it. They have many things to enjoy in the house. Our 10-year-old is fine with being at home, but our 4-year-old isn't. He is by the door with his coat and shoes on, in tears. I suggested that he play outside in the garden, but he refuses; he wants to go outside instead. I asked him if he wanted to bake, but as I suggest more activities, the more upset he gets. So I’ve just left him at the door. My Husband isn’t bothered that he is crying at the door and has told me to leave him alone, I still feel a sense of guilt. I'm considering taking him out for an hour or two to get some fresh air; however, the problem is that he loves being outside. As soon as it's time to come back inside, he will refuse, and if I don't have a grip on his hand, he'll run down the street. I find myself having to offer him a bribe to get him inside, which I have been trying to put an end to. Today, I really want to steer clear of any stress and just want to relax. Am I being unfair to our child by not feeling up to going outside?

Cherrytree86 · 13/01/2026 12:30

OP what if you wanted a Saturday off? Like to go on a child free outing with your friends or something? Or even go away with friends for a weekend on a hen do or something, or to visit family who lived away etc etc? What then? @inthecornersofmymind

Nearly50omg · 13/01/2026 11:13

inthecornersofmymind · 10/01/2026 15:00

Our 4-year-old attends Montessori nursery for five full days each week and has been there for the last two years. I think that if they had any concerns about his development, they would have informed me.

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montessori is actually recommended for children with addit needs. As they are basically doing what they would with children with autism already then no they wouldn’t notice a lot of the warning signs that if he’d been in normal school and a lot of the kids who go to Montessori are undiagnosed autistic- a lot of parents prefer that they aren’t and just choose a different school that they can cope with. The fact your son is fine at school and not at home is another red flag. Autistic children do often behave better at school due to the routine and consistency and then at home they act up because that’s where their safe place is

GalaxyJam · 13/01/2026 10:35

I was just wondering OP if you’ve resolved the marital issues you mentioned in the thread you started on the 7th January?

Fuckoffjanuary · 13/01/2026 10:32

inthecornersofmymind · 13/01/2026 10:10

My husband has never stated that he cannot handle the issues you brought up.

I'm perfectly okay with taking our boys out on the weekend; I don't require his help or support. If he doesn't want to join us for outings, that's entirely up to him.

I won't encourage him to come with us because I'm aware it will just put him in an uncomfortable position.

He doesn't need to be there with us; it would be a different situation if I wanted him to join, but I don't.

The boys never ask why he isn't coming or suggest that he join us.

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I was responding to your update that stated your husband stated he could not help with bedtime and responsibility should be passed to your 10 YO child. I think that's worse actually, choosing to neglect a child and pass on parental responsibiliy to a child.

So to update, you are happy with solo parenting in this respect? I think then you need to suck it up and get on with it, each and every day. FWIW I think this is an unhealthy dynamic that you are modelling to your children. And I think both parents deciding they cannot be bothered to look after their child and expecting their 10YO to do so is abusive. Clearly your priority is your unhealthy marriage, at whatever cost to the kids. I would advise contacting early help.

vanillalattes · 13/01/2026 10:11

inthecornersofmymind · 13/01/2026 10:10

My husband has never stated that he cannot handle the issues you brought up.

I'm perfectly okay with taking our boys out on the weekend; I don't require his help or support. If he doesn't want to join us for outings, that's entirely up to him.

I won't encourage him to come with us because I'm aware it will just put him in an uncomfortable position.

He doesn't need to be there with us; it would be a different situation if I wanted him to join, but I don't.

The boys never ask why he isn't coming or suggest that he join us.

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How bloody depressing. Your poor kids.

Original poster

inthecornersofmymind · 13/01/2026 10:10

Fuckoffjanuary · 13/01/2026 08:54

The basics of parenting on their days as a single parent. Bedtimes, taking them out if the house on weekends etc. The things they claim they cannot cope with/will not do now.

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My husband has never stated that he cannot handle the issues you brought up.

I'm perfectly okay with taking our boys out on the weekend; I don't require his help or support. If he doesn't want to join us for outings, that's entirely up to him.

I won't encourage him to come with us because I'm aware it will just put him in an uncomfortable position.

He doesn't need to be there with us; it would be a different situation if I wanted him to join, but I don't.

The boys never ask why he isn't coming or suggest that he join us.

OP posts:

GalaxyJam · 13/01/2026 10:05

inthecornersofmymind · 13/01/2026 10:02

It certainly doesn't seem like I/We are Middle Eastern, as we aren't, and I'm unsure what relevance that has to the situation. Also, you shouldn't generalise people based on stereotypes.

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Well, it would have a cultural relevance. As I’m sure you are aware, in some cultures child rearing is considered the role of the woman, and it certainly comes across from your posts that your husband shares that view.

vanillalattes · 13/01/2026 10:05

99bottlesofkombucha · 13/01/2026 04:59

What happens when you’re tired too - if you snap ‘I’m asking you because I can’t deal with it, obviously!! Why do you get to opt out of parenting whenever you feel like it but I don’t get that?? Sometimes you need to parent whether or not you feel like it, I do that all the time and need you to sometimes too. Now put him your child to bed please while you think about that.’

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You won’t get an answer - lots of people have asked OP what would happen if they both refused or if he refused to do something essential.

Original poster

inthecornersofmymind · 13/01/2026 10:02

CotswoldsCamilla · 13/01/2026 09:13

Sounds like you’re from the Middle East and your husband isn’t used to raising children

It certainly doesn't seem like I/We are Middle Eastern, as we aren't, and I'm unsure what relevance that has to the situation. Also, you shouldn't generalise people based on stereotypes.

OP posts:

CotswoldsCamilla · 13/01/2026 09:13

Sounds like you’re from the Middle East and your husband isn’t used to raising children

Fuckoffjanuary · 13/01/2026 08:54

inthecornersofmymind · 13/01/2026 08:01

Cope with what?

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The basics of parenting on their days as a single parent. Bedtimes, taking them out if the house on weekends etc. The things they claim they cannot cope with/will not do now.

Original poster

inthecornersofmymind · 13/01/2026 08:01

Fuckoffjanuary · 12/01/2026 22:31

The behaviour of your 4YO sounds exactly like my 4YO tonight, although I will say that mine is ND. I think mine is struggling with getting back into routine after Christmas and exhausted from school. Have a look at 'restraint collapse'. But as you know, the lack of support from your husband is the issue here. You mentioned on your previous thread that he refused couples therapy, I think I would be at the point of issuing ultimatums that I follow through with and asking him how he will cope when I am not there to step in.

Cope with what?

OP posts:

99bottlesofkombucha · 13/01/2026 04:59

inthecornersofmymind · 12/01/2026 22:03

I followed the suggestions shared in this thread to encourage our 4-year-old to come inside when he resists.

Both boys attended their tennis lesson this evening. As usual, once outside the house, he hesitated to come inside, despite having told me in the car on the way home that he was sleepy and wanted his bath, a story, and then to go to sleep.

Without speaking or negotiating, I just grabbed his hand and brought him inside the house.

He was a little frustrated with me about a pair pyjamas that he said he wanted to wear; even though he changed his mind, it somehow ended up being my fault.

He has been sleeping alone in his bed for the last few nights. However, tonight he refused to even get into bed.

I’m not sure whether his behavior stemmed from being overtired or feeling frustrated about the pyjamas.

I asked my husband if he could settle him since he listens to him, but he replied that he 'can’t deal with that tonight and that he is tired' and told me to just put him in with our 10-year-old.

I'll give it another attempt tomorrow evening. While I know my husband may be tired, I doubt he realises that he could have effortlessly fixed the problem.

What happens when you’re tired too - if you snap ‘I’m asking you because I can’t deal with it, obviously!! Why do you get to opt out of parenting whenever you feel like it but I don’t get that?? Sometimes you need to parent whether or not you feel like it, I do that all the time and need you to sometimes too. Now put him your child to bed please while you think about that.’

Unicornmagic568 · 13/01/2026 04:40

Take the child out or get husband to do it parenting is about doing things for your children

CatsnCoffee · 13/01/2026 04:08

Offering lots of alternative options won’t work. You need to start on one of the activities and let him see that it’s fun. It may take some effort, but if you win him over it’s win win!

Cherrytree86 · 12/01/2026 23:28

vanillalattes · 12/01/2026 22:48

Your husband really has a great life doesn’t he? All he needs to do is tell you he’s tired or doesn’t like something and you just do it all for him 🙄

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@inthecornersofmymind

This poster makes a very good point, OP… he got to opt out of bed time, why didn’t you get to?

Gahr · 12/01/2026 23:09

Starlight1984 · 12/01/2026 09:31

Gstaad? As in, one of the busiest ski resorts in Europe? Yet he doesn't like crowds or cold weather?!😆

As others have said, you're husband seems to conveniently pick and choose when he can brave the cold weather and people to suit him.

I also find it pretty sad that your 4 year old just wanted to go and play outside on a Saturday and neither of his parents were willing to take him (despite doing nothing else).

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I don't agree with how the OP has been on this thread, as she has been rude and combative. However, I think it is ridiculous to say that the child had to be taken out, it was one day. Kids need to sometimes suck it up and realise it isn't all about them. Far more concerning is the husband's behaviour in general.