Page 4 | To want to stay home.

inthecornersofmymind · 2026-01-10T13:12:26+00:00

Every Saturday, I usually take the boys out for the day, but today is very cold and I'm not in the mood for it. They have many things to enjoy in the house. Our 10-year-old is fine with being at home, but our 4-year-old isn't. He is by the door with his coat and shoes on, in tears. I suggested that he play outside in the garden, but he refuses; he wants to go outside instead. I asked him if he wanted to bake, but as I suggest more activities, the more upset he gets. So I’ve just left him at the door. My Husband isn’t bothered that he is crying at the door and has told me to leave him alone, I still feel a sense of guilt. I'm considering taking him out for an hour or two to get some fresh air; however, the problem is that he loves being outside. As soon as it's time to come back inside, he will refuse, and if I don't have a grip on his hand, he'll run down the street. I find myself having to offer him a bribe to get him inside, which I have been trying to put an end to. Today, I really want to steer clear of any stress and just want to relax. Am I being unfair to our child by not feeling up to going outside?

Hellohelga · 13/01/2026 21:11

Get a trampoline. He’ll never be off it. Nothing ever got used as much as our trampoline. All ages, all weather.

Creesla · 13/01/2026 20:54

inthecornersofmymind · 13/01/2026 20:41

I’m glad to share that today has been a totally stress-free day; our 4-year-old happily came inside the house this afternoon after nursery.

Now, he's fast asleep in his own bed. I worried he wouldn't want to sleep there tonight after refusing last night.

The only thing left for me to do now is get our two-year-old used to sleeping alone, which I intend to start tackling next week.

Op, just a reminder of the power of role play. I practice in a playful way tricky situations with the kids at around 3/4/5 years old - so practice (inside) what it will be like going into the house when we don't want to. It is really helpful for kids and let's them practice the skills they will use later. It could be saying goodbye to outside, doing the biggest jump they can back into the house etc. Depending on how much outdoors time your son gets in nursery, he may really be looking to bank it with you. Outdoors in any weather is so vital for little kids, and so many nurseries really restrict. Finally a reminder that many adults prefer to sleep in beds with other adults, two year olds are tiny,, it is completely biologically normal for them to cosleep until they are much older, so don't pressure yourself on that if you are happy with current situation. I think there is incredible pressure on parents to make their kids sleep independently (way before kids are ready to do so)

Whatthefork1 · 13/01/2026 20:52

You’re the adult, you don’t want to go out and you have said no. End of. 4 year old is crying at the door, just leave him to it, he will soon enough get bored and move on. He is hardly going to stand there crying all day.

When I am being firm on something I always say to me daughter “I’m not changing my mind and she soon cottons on.

your husband on the other hand sounds completely useless . I think that’s the bigger issue here!

Original poster

inthecornersofmymind · 13/01/2026 20:41

I’m glad to share that today has been a totally stress-free day; our 4-year-old happily came inside the house this afternoon after nursery.

Now, he's fast asleep in his own bed. I worried he wouldn't want to sleep there tonight after refusing last night.

The only thing left for me to do now is get our two-year-old used to sleeping alone, which I intend to start tackling next week.

OP posts:

Original poster

inthecornersofmymind · 13/01/2026 20:39

Jllllllll · 13/01/2026 20:16

I wouldn’t give in to the tantrum. He’s been told what his options are. Giving in will just kick the problem down the road.

I appreciate the advice, even though I started this thread on Saturday.

OP posts:

GalaxyJam · 13/01/2026 20:25

Jllllllll · 13/01/2026 20:16

I wouldn’t give in to the tantrum. He’s been told what his options are. Giving in will just kick the problem down the road.

This all happened on Saturday so the ship has sailed a bit!

Jllllllll · 13/01/2026 20:16

I wouldn’t give in to the tantrum. He’s been told what his options are. Giving in will just kick the problem down the road.

TicklishMintDuck · 13/01/2026 20:11

You’ve got a garden, so he can play out there.

vanillalattes · 13/01/2026 14:56

sittingonabeach · 13/01/2026 14:55

@inthecornersofmymind if you go away for the weekend and your DH is tired and it is cold, how much parenting goes on, or is the 10yo the default 'parent'?

She won't answer, several people have already asked and been ignored 😉

sittingonabeach · 13/01/2026 14:55

@inthecornersofmymind if you go away for the weekend and your DH is tired and it is cold, how much parenting goes on, or is the 10yo the default 'parent'?

vanillalattes · 13/01/2026 14:44

GalaxyJam · 13/01/2026 14:42

Yes. The OP is very selective as to which posts she responds to!

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Isn't she just?

It sounds like she knows her DH is a bit shit but isn't ready to admit it yet.

GalaxyJam · 13/01/2026 14:42

vanillalattes · 13/01/2026 14:41

The thread has moved on a lot from that.

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Yes. The OP is very selective as to which posts she responds to!

vanillalattes · 13/01/2026 14:41

rememberingthem · 13/01/2026 14:09

I don’t understand why people think a 4 year old gets to call the shots! In my house they would be told no we are not going out today…end of! You will create an entitled little monster if you give in to whining and crying. A day indoors in rubbish weather does them no harm at all.

The thread has moved on a lot from that.

Original poster

inthecornersofmymind · 13/01/2026 14:15

rememberingthem · 13/01/2026 14:09

I don’t understand why people think a 4 year old gets to call the shots! In my house they would be told no we are not going out today…end of! You will create an entitled little monster if you give in to whining and crying. A day indoors in rubbish weather does them no harm at all.

Thank you; I really appreciate what you said.

At first, I believed I was doing something wrong, but there are days when I simply want to stay at home.

OP posts:

rememberingthem · 13/01/2026 14:09

I don’t understand why people think a 4 year old gets to call the shots! In my house they would be told no we are not going out today…end of! You will create an entitled little monster if you give in to whining and crying. A day indoors in rubbish weather does them no harm at all.

vanillalattes · 13/01/2026 13:57

inthecornersofmymind · 13/01/2026 13:46

I have gone on weekend trips with friends while my husband has looked after our children.

Some of you seem to think I don't have a social life because my husband doesn't take care of the kids, but that's not true.

Whether I want to take a trip by myself or with friends, I will go.

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But what if you go for a trip and the weather is bad or he’s tired? Does he actually take your kids out and parent them or does he expect the 10yo to do it all?

GalaxyJam · 13/01/2026 13:50

inthecornersofmymind · 13/01/2026 13:46

I have gone on weekend trips with friends while my husband has looked after our children.

Some of you seem to think I don't have a social life because my husband doesn't take care of the kids, but that's not true.

Whether I want to take a trip by myself or with friends, I will go.

Show quote history

Did he take them out though? Or did they all have to stay in all weekend because he doesn’t like cold, and the crowds (except when skiing)?

Original poster

inthecornersofmymind · 13/01/2026 13:50

GalaxyJam · 13/01/2026 10:35

I was just wondering OP if you’ve resolved the marital issues you mentioned in the thread you started on the 7th January?

No, it hasn't happened yet. I am still currently exploring therapy options.

OP posts:

Original poster

inthecornersofmymind · 13/01/2026 13:46

Cherrytree86 · 13/01/2026 12:30

OP what if you wanted a Saturday off? Like to go on a child free outing with your friends or something? Or even go away with friends for a weekend on a hen do or something, or to visit family who lived away etc etc? What then? @inthecornersofmymind

I have gone on weekend trips with friends while my husband has looked after our children.

Some of you seem to think I don't have a social life because my husband doesn't take care of the kids, but that's not true.

Whether I want to take a trip by myself or with friends, I will go.

OP posts:

Original poster

inthecornersofmymind · 13/01/2026 13:40

Heronwatcher · 13/01/2026 12:47

I asked my husband if he could settle him since he listens to him, but he replied that he 'can’t deal with that tonight and that he is tired' and told me to just put him in with our 10-year-old.

By in with your 10 year old do you mean in the same bed? Or in the same room?

Either way is your 10 year old OK with this? If my kids can’t sleep they come in with one of us, not one of the older kids. It’s not fair for the older kids to have to have disturbed sleep either.

I think you’ve said that your 10 yr old also lifts your 4 yr old into the car when he won’t get in too.

Honestly I don’t want to sound mean but have you considered whether the arrangements you have with your DH are fair on your 10 year old? Because it sounds as though your DH gets to opt out on demand but your 10 yr old then has to step in, which I don’t think is fair at all.

Our 10-year-old is fine with sharing his bed with his brother, given he falls asleep and doesn’t disturb him.

He mentioned he won't always share and must learn to sleep alone.

OP posts:

Tiswa · 13/01/2026 12:55

@inthecornersofmymind your husband expects your 10 year old to handle his child rather than himself.

Stip making excuses life particularly parenting is about compromise and yes involved doing things you don’t want to do for the benefit of others

GalaxyJam · 13/01/2026 12:53

Heronwatcher · 13/01/2026 12:47

I asked my husband if he could settle him since he listens to him, but he replied that he 'can’t deal with that tonight and that he is tired' and told me to just put him in with our 10-year-old.

By in with your 10 year old do you mean in the same bed? Or in the same room?

Either way is your 10 year old OK with this? If my kids can’t sleep they come in with one of us, not one of the older kids. It’s not fair for the older kids to have to have disturbed sleep either.

I think you’ve said that your 10 yr old also lifts your 4 yr old into the car when he won’t get in too.

Honestly I don’t want to sound mean but have you considered whether the arrangements you have with your DH are fair on your 10 year old? Because it sounds as though your DH gets to opt out on demand but your 10 yr old then has to step in, which I don’t think is fair at all.

It isn’t fair, and will be contributing to the issues with the 10 year old that the OP mentions in her other thread. I suspect he is a bit ‘parentified’ and feels like he has to be in a position of responsibility at home due to his father’s inadequacies.

Heronwatcher · 13/01/2026 12:47

I asked my husband if he could settle him since he listens to him, but he replied that he 'can’t deal with that tonight and that he is tired' and told me to just put him in with our 10-year-old.

By in with your 10 year old do you mean in the same bed? Or in the same room?

Either way is your 10 year old OK with this? If my kids can’t sleep they come in with one of us, not one of the older kids. It’s not fair for the older kids to have to have disturbed sleep either.

I think you’ve said that your 10 yr old also lifts your 4 yr old into the car when he won’t get in too.

Honestly I don’t want to sound mean but have you considered whether the arrangements you have with your DH are fair on your 10 year old? Because it sounds as though your DH gets to opt out on demand but your 10 yr old then has to step in, which I don’t think is fair at all.

vanillalattes · 13/01/2026 12:37

Cherrytree86 · 13/01/2026 12:30

OP what if you wanted a Saturday off? Like to go on a child free outing with your friends or something? Or even go away with friends for a weekend on a hen do or something, or to visit family who lived away etc etc? What then? @inthecornersofmymind

Don’t bother asking - several of us have asked that but OP just ignores everything that means she’d have to admit her DH is actually a waste of space.

Cherrytree86 · 13/01/2026 12:33

@inthecornersofmymind

i also think it’s really sad that the kids don’t even bother to ask if their dad will be coming out with them on a weekend because they know what the answer will be - he doesn’t want to.