To want to stay home.

You keep saying that, but do you really think playing alone in a garden is comparable to going out with your mum/brother/dad?

It's fair enough not to want to go out everyday, but that shouldn't mean a 4yo is kicked out to play alone. Mum or dad should have gone out in the garden and played with him for a bit.

To be fair he has an excellent role model in dad that throwing a strop gets what you want. Don’t want to do anything just refuse and keep refusing, it upsets someone, oh well never mind. Dc learn very well from watching the adults around them.

Rather than trying to create a hierarchy of whose WANTS come first, can you instead come up with a general plan or guidelines that take into consideration what your children NEED as well as what you and your husband can realistically do and what circumstances (including weather) permit, then communicate it and stick with it? For the four year old, lots of reinforcement will likely be needed - for example, tell him on Friday that it'll be VERY cold this weekend so we'll mostly be staying in, even on Saturday when we usually go out for the day. Remind him first thing Saturday morning, then if he's still dressed up standing by the door, gently remind him of the previous conversations. Of course don't change your properly-thought-out plans and go out all day just because he is upset, but unless it's dangerous or they're sick, both boys probably need to go out for a least a few hours. Since neither you nor your husband wants to take them, you'll have to come up with a way to divide up the responsibility fairly. Sorry to be trite, but your husband in particular seems to have forgotten: having children means you will very often be doing things you'd choose not to if it were just you, or just adults.

What are the things your DH compromises on that you don’t like doing?

If they give in now then he subconciously learns that throwing a strop = Mummy and Daddy giving me what I want. Even a newborn can grasp that, hence the whole idea of 'crying it out.' Any minor disagreement will result in sobbing at the front door.

Again, they have a garden to play in, so there's really no issue.

Playing alone in the garden is hardly comparable to going out with his mum/dad/brother, though.

I actually don't think OP should have gone out, seeing as she does it all the time, but I do think her DH needs to buck his ideas up and be a parent for once.

I don’t have small kids , I have been out today for essentials. I feel it is too cold. I’ve felt freezing all day , everyone feels the cold differently.

Children don't generally have tantrums to manipulate their parents. That's just not how the brain works at all. Young children don't have the capacity to manage emotions and impulsivity and need help from adults to do this.

So, while dc do need to learn, they learn by adults helping to name their feels, helping them to calm, and recognising and prioritising their needs.

Dc in families where their needs and distress are ignored learn to behave in ways to get their needs met (generally by escalating their behaviour). And they still aren't being manipulative, it isn't maliciously preplanned. It just how human brains work at that age.

when you have kids you have to crack on and take them out whether you feel like it or not - part of parenting I’m afraid . It’s unfair to keep them cooped up indoors just because you can’t be arsed .

You also sound weak and wishy washy - who asks their 4yr old what they want to do ? They’re four - you tell them what you’re doing ! You’re the parent so take charge!

They have a garden. He can go out in that.

Children need to be taught that they don't get to do whatever they want 100% of the time, even if they throw a tantrum.

Anyone else feel sorry for a 4 year old who simply wants to go outside but doesn’t because both parents out their needs 100% front and centre

I am all for parents particularly mothers not be a martyr an sacrificing their own needs entirely at the altar of their children but at the same time parenting is sucking up the things you don’t want to do for your children when it is the healthy and right thing to do

and taking a 4 year for a short scoot around the block fits into that

Sometimes it’s easier to compromise. A quick walk to stop the crying. It sounds like he thrives on routine and is struggling that today is different. Your dh sounds quite set in his ways maybe your son is similar.

No. The new trend is making people feel bad for not gleefully doing the things they really don't like when there's another perfectly capable adult who dispises it less to do it, or an alternative to doing it at all.

Maybe for you, but not for everyone.

Maybe it's the mindset of "stuck at home". Whee as for me, home is where I choose to be, mine and my childrens place to relax and be ourselves.

this is the new trend, apparently. Women refusing to do the simplest smallest things we all did when we had to.

Obtuse. Whatever

I did not go even to parks at that stage, just to the nearest green field no matter which with a ball

Unless you're ill I can't see why you or your DH can't go out in the cold. I'm from a hot country and I still go out in the winter everyday. It's much harder being stuck at home all day with small children anyway.

Why is what you and your DH want more important than what your 4yo wants?

It is too cold for mum and dad. And they are the decision- makers. So, it is too cold.

They might not have spotted anything if your ds is neurodivergent. No one spotted anything (apart from me and I was told no when I queried it a few times) in my dd until she was 16.

Could I ask what the thing you don't like doing so don't do is OP? And who's going to do the parts of parenting you refuse to do if the other is too unwell to do it?

Poor kids, there’s two adults one of you take him to the park.

I understand all this but little kids do need to go out and play. Wrap up warm, make your favourite tea, coffee, hot chocolate, pack a big bag with something for him to eat and drink and just roam few streets , what is so hard about that