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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To want to stay home.

503 replies

inthecornersofmymind · 10/01/2026 13:12

Every Saturday, I usually take the boys out for the day, but today is very cold and I'm not in the mood for it.

They have many things to enjoy in the house. Our 10-year-old is fine with being at home, but our 4-year-old isn't. He is by the door with his coat and shoes on, in tears.

I suggested that he play outside in the garden, but he refuses; he wants to go outside instead. I asked him if he wanted to bake, but as I suggest more activities, the more upset he gets. So I’ve just left him at the door.

My Husband isn’t bothered that he is crying at the door and has told me to leave him alone, I still feel a sense of guilt.

I'm considering taking him out for an hour or two to get some fresh air; however, the problem is that he loves being outside.

As soon as it's time to come back inside, he will refuse, and if I don't have a grip on his hand, he'll run down the street. I find myself having to offer him a bribe to get him inside, which I have been trying to put an end to.

Today, I really want to steer clear of any stress and just want to relax.

Am I being unfair to our child by not feeling up to going outside?

OP posts:
SnippySnappy · 10/01/2026 18:13

Threads like these are why I am in continual awe of the ridiculousness of replies I see on MN every day (and also why I keep coming back 🫠)

Is it wrong to stay at home for ONE Saturday, after weeks and weeks of going out EVERY Saturday? Nope!

Is it OK for the father to effectively opt out of parenting situations where it involves cold weather, or other people? Also nope!

OP - sounds like you're quite rightly a bit fed up that you're the only parent bothering to do these things, and have reached the end of your tether hence wanting to stay home, but refuse to admit it to yourself or MN.

WonderfulSmith · 10/01/2026 18:11

AppleDumplingWithCustard · 10/01/2026 18:04

Doesn’t like the cold, doesn’t like crowded places. He really has it all sewn up doesn’t he?

Hasn’t he. I wonder what he’s doing while the op is doing all the parenting because he doesn’t like going out with them on a Saturday.

Aluna · 10/01/2026 18:09

GalaxyJam · 10/01/2026 17:49

I don’t think you’re a bad parent for not taking him out. If it was me, however, I’ve have taken him out because it would been less effort than starting a thread on here about it and having to entertain him indoors all day 😁.

Right. She or DH could have done 30 mins outdoor runaround in a fraction of the time it’s taken to maintain the thread.

sittingonabeach · 10/01/2026 18:07

Does DH only parent when it is warm @inthecornersofmymind

sittingonabeach · 10/01/2026 18:05

I don’t think the poster was suggesting wild swimming

AppleDumplingWithCustard · 10/01/2026 18:04

inthecornersofmymind · 10/01/2026 14:04

I prefer to do it with friends or school mums who have children of similar ages.

Also, my husband doesn’t enjoy being in crowded spaces or among many people, and I’ll always respect that.

Doesn’t like the cold, doesn’t like crowded places. He really has it all sewn up doesn’t he?

Harrysmummy246 · 10/01/2026 18:00

You've changed your mind on normal routine because you just can't be bothered? Your husband is offering 'guidance' without ever being involved? This is a child who needs time outside to regulate their behaviour?
YABU and your husband needs a good kick into actually parenting too

Fuckoffjanuary · 10/01/2026 17:59

Is this a wind up? I was actually going to suggest Saturday morning swimming lessons like my DC have as it burns off energy that frees up the rest of the day and you can have a coffee while you're there, but I guess that is a no!

Fidgety31 · 10/01/2026 17:57

inthecornersofmymind · 10/01/2026 17:54

Excuse me?

Why would you suggest he take him swimming, and since when is swimming deemed 'warm' unless it’s in a heated pool? I seriously question whether anyone with common sense would choose to swim today, because I know our 4-year-old wouldn't.

Indoor pools are heated 😂

Are you one of those that only takes their kids swimming in the summer 🤦‍♀️

GalaxyJam · 10/01/2026 17:56

vanillalattes · 10/01/2026 17:54

Uh, aren't all indoor swimming pools warm and heated? Confused

Yes!

reversingdumptruckwithnotyreson · 10/01/2026 17:55

inthecornersofmymind · 10/01/2026 17:48

During the Christmas break, we took two family holidays; we travel almost every school holiday, so our 4-year-old is rarely 'cooped up' indoors.

That’s the reason why he took today so badly and also due to the fact that I also rarely never say no to him.

However, people here think we are bad parents for not taking him outside today.

Hearing “no” every now and then will do him good, that’s why he’s acting up. He thinks what he says goes.

If he has a garden available there’s no reason he can’t cope with playing outside for a day.

FurForksSake · 10/01/2026 17:55

My husband took one of my kids to the family splash session last night and the other one has a swimming lesson tomorrow. Swimming pools in the uk are heated and indoor.

GalaxyJam · 10/01/2026 17:55

inthecornersofmymind · 10/01/2026 17:54

Excuse me?

Why would you suggest he take him swimming, and since when is swimming deemed 'warm' unless it’s in a heated pool? I seriously question whether anyone with common sense would choose to swim today, because I know our 4-year-old wouldn't.

I took my 3 kids swimming today 😁. I don’t think we suffer from a lack of common sense. The leisure centre has central heating and the pool is heated to the same temperature whatever time of year it is.

vanillalattes · 10/01/2026 17:54

inthecornersofmymind · 10/01/2026 17:54

Excuse me?

Why would you suggest he take him swimming, and since when is swimming deemed 'warm' unless it’s in a heated pool? I seriously question whether anyone with common sense would choose to swim today, because I know our 4-year-old wouldn't.

Uh, aren't all indoor swimming pools warm and heated? Confused

Sunshine1500 · 10/01/2026 17:54

inthecornersofmymind · 10/01/2026 17:48

During the Christmas break, we took two family holidays; we travel almost every school holiday, so our 4-year-old is rarely 'cooped up' indoors.

That’s the reason why he took today so badly and also due to the fact that I also rarely never say no to him.

However, people here think we are bad parents for not taking him outside today.

it not that your a bad parent. But there is two parents at home and two kids . One kid really want to go outside, one of you could have taken him a walk to shop/park or on bike/scooter just for half an hour.

inthecornersofmymind · 10/01/2026 17:54

AnneElliott · 10/01/2026 17:46

Cant your DH take the 4 year old swimming? It’s indoors and warm and has the advantage of tiring them out.

I agree with a pp that boys are like dogs and do need their energy burning off but no reason why it has to be you that does it if the other parent is around.

Excuse me?

Why would you suggest he take him swimming, and since when is swimming deemed 'warm' unless it’s in a heated pool? I seriously question whether anyone with common sense would choose to swim today, because I know our 4-year-old wouldn't.

OP posts:
vanillalattes · 10/01/2026 17:51

ponita · 10/01/2026 17:42

Well it's comparable to the posters saying take him to a park and stand drinking a coffee. In fact I'd say it's better as my kids are allowed to do more in the garden than a public play area.

Of course it's not. Parks have other children to play with.

vanillalattes · 10/01/2026 17:51

inthecornersofmymind · 10/01/2026 17:48

During the Christmas break, we took two family holidays; we travel almost every school holiday, so our 4-year-old is rarely 'cooped up' indoors.

That’s the reason why he took today so badly and also due to the fact that I also rarely never say no to him.

However, people here think we are bad parents for not taking him outside today.

I don't think you're a bad parent for wanting a day at home.

I think your DH is a bad parent for consistently opting out of taking his children out because "it's too cold".

GalaxyJam · 10/01/2026 17:49

inthecornersofmymind · 10/01/2026 17:48

During the Christmas break, we took two family holidays; we travel almost every school holiday, so our 4-year-old is rarely 'cooped up' indoors.

That’s the reason why he took today so badly and also due to the fact that I also rarely never say no to him.

However, people here think we are bad parents for not taking him outside today.

I don’t think you’re a bad parent for not taking him out. If it was me, however, I’ve have taken him out because it would been less effort than starting a thread on here about it and having to entertain him indoors all day 😁.

sittingonabeach · 10/01/2026 17:48

What parenting does your DH do?

inthecornersofmymind · 10/01/2026 17:48

During the Christmas break, we took two family holidays; we travel almost every school holiday, so our 4-year-old is rarely 'cooped up' indoors.

That’s the reason why he took today so badly and also due to the fact that I also rarely never say no to him.

However, people here think we are bad parents for not taking him outside today.

OP posts:
AnneElliott · 10/01/2026 17:46

Cant your DH take the 4 year old swimming? It’s indoors and warm and has the advantage of tiring them out.

I agree with a pp that boys are like dogs and do need their energy burning off but no reason why it has to be you that does it if the other parent is around.

Gahr · 10/01/2026 17:44

Xmasbaby11 · 10/01/2026 15:01

I think one of you needs to take him out. That's the deal with young kids I think - they (or at least, most of them, esp boys) need it and home and garden doesn't feel enough to properly stimulate and tire them out IME. I have 2 dd and it only really calmed down when they were 7/8ish. Until then it would have been gone out somewhere outside if weather good enough, swimming or soft play if not. It is a tough aspect of parenting if you don't like the cold / can't be bothered.

I disagree. It's one day, kids need to suck it up some of the time and learn that they can''t always get what they want. That said, I think the husband is useless, but that's a separate issue.

Hobnobswantshernameback · 10/01/2026 17:43

Have you posted about your situation before OP?
This all sounds weirdly familiar

ponita · 10/01/2026 17:42

vanillalattes · 10/01/2026 17:39

You keep saying that, but do you really think playing alone in a garden is comparable to going out with your mum/brother/dad?

It's fair enough not to want to go out everyday, but that shouldn't mean a 4yo is kicked out to play alone. Mum or dad should have gone out in the garden and played with him for a bit.

Well it's comparable to the posters saying take him to a park and stand drinking a coffee. In fact I'd say it's better as my kids are allowed to do more in the garden than a public play area.

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