Daughter invited to holiday abroad

My DS went to his friend's family's villa in Spain when he was almost 8. He got a bit homesick on the first night so phoned me and he was OK after that apart from when he fell out of bed onto the tiled floor. He survived.
It was 2004 though when life was still normal.

No it would be too much too soon for me.

DD went abroad at 13 with her friend, but it was a primary school friend (even though they are at different high schools) so I know the mum very well from primary, she had also been on a couple of UK breaks with them (the other girl us) over the years so I know she could stay with them comfortably for several nights etc and not want to come home. This is the only family I’d have said yes to and even then it took some thought.

Up to her. Experiences like that are good for kids for several reasons.

I personally wouldn't unless I knew the family well and the girls had been friends a long time.

It's a horrible thing to think but having children doesn't necessarily make a person suitable to be around them, particularly in an overnight setting far from home and possibly with limited privacy.

I went to boarding school at nine and in my very first term received an invitation to a friend's house for half term - I was an overseas pupil and the alternative was to stay with paid guardians. My own parents obviously had no opportunity to meet and vet the parents. I went with the friend and was absolutely fine.

At Christmas the following year the same friend came out to southern Africa with me for two of the four weeks' holiday; we were 10 and 11. This was before the internet, and even predated fax machines. Again, no problems.

At eleven your DD should be fine for a trip to Spain.

No for a holiday abroad first time with friend. If it was in the UK I’d consider it.

I would jump at it, experiences and making memories are what life is all about

This is a very good point.

I don't have children but as a retired headteacher, I find my safeguarding klaxon is telling me you need to know the family well before you agree to such a plan.

That's the decider then. You know your daughter and she isn't ready.

I was ready for that at 11, but I very much doubt my currently 10yo DC will be DC2 I imagine would be ready - different children are different.

Its not her age, it's the other family that's the most important factor.
I'd want to know them enough about them to know where they stood on safety issues, how much supervision they think appropriate, how much independence they offer, what activities they do etc.
There's a massive difference between going with a family who are safety conscious and involved and going with one who are on the cocktails from 11am while the DC get up to who knows what. My DC had friends with parents of both types.

Does she want to go?
You have 7 months to get her ready.

I think 11 is too young. A friend came on holiday with my family but we were 14, which seems about the right age to me.

My mum was a widow and we had no money for holidays. My best friend's lovely family took me away with them from when I was around 10. My mum was always grateful to them.

Find out deadline when they need to know. Also establish what the financial obligations are, make sure you can send her with enough pocket money. See how it goes with the friendship hirs it might be a great experience for her.

The family could include any old perv

Just say no

Big nope

I think it depends how long it's for and how your dd is, and also whether she'll have the chance for a holiday like that another time.

Personally I'd probably agree if I was comfortable with the family and my dd wanted to. One of my dc would have been fine, the other would have hated it.

We let my DSC each take a friend away with us when they were 14&15 but they had been friends since nursery so completely different relationships, but wouldn’t have been happy to take them any younger it’s a big responsibility.
if you don’t know the family that would concern me at that age, are the parents the type to sit around the pool drinking whilst the kids entertain themselves would be main concern (as a parent that longed to sit around the pool drinking when they were younger 😂)

I wouldn’t have had an issue with it if she desperately wanted to go and the family seemed trustworthy but DD definitely wouldn’t have been ready at that age. DD is an only child so we’ve had many holidays in which she’s brought a friend along but I would never have considered that at 11, too young in my eyes, a lot of responsibility to look after someone else’s child. At 14/15 though she’d have loved it and gone without hesitation😆

Also people saying about the friendship might not last but why does that matter? The holiday is in May, if by September they’re not friends anymore it surely doesn’t matter?

I think you’ve got to work out what your actual concerns are.

If your daughter doesn’t want to go without you then clearly that isn’t the idea, so it’s a no. If you don’t know the family that well, you need to get to know them before the holiday (that’s what my parents did when I was invited to Spain with a friend who lived there - met at boarding school - over the months before I went we all went out for dinner and met up etc when they were over here).

I’ve taken DD’s friend away with us a few times. First time to centre parcs (they were 12) which was a good chance to see how they managed. We have since taken her abroad. I think 11 is too young to go abroad, with a new friend and you not knowing the family. I’d wait another year or two.

How soon do you have to decide? I've been in the position of waiting for numbers to book accommodation etc so if they need to know soon and you're really not sure, you might be better turning the opportunity down for this year. If they have a holiday home then it's probably different and you'll have more time to get to know them as a family, maybe invite them over for a barbecue in summer and things like that. It's a lovely opportunity and I do think that it's worth giving it a go - I would be encouraging my child to look forward to a trip without me - because a lot of children have a great time on residentials even though their parents had doubts whether the child would cope or not. Mine went on residentials in Y3 and Y6 and had a great time every time.

11 and have known each and been friends since 5 is very different to having known each other for 1 term. The next two terms are time in which they could become better friends or fall out! I do know someone who travelled a few times with a friend on holiday from the same age and loved it but they had known each other for years.