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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Reception school choice……

40 replies

chellewillnotbebeaten · 10/01/2026 11:40

I realise I could get some backlash from this and that is not my intention, this is my own personal feelings and I respect everyone’s views/choices.
I just need some opinions cos I can’t decide!

First/only child starting school in September. Nearest school is a catholic school and very catholic at that, when I asked how much emphasis was on prayer throughout the school day I was told ‘quite alot’ by the teacher. Also many visuals of god/crosses.
But it is an easy walk, easily accessible etc…… I have to admit as an atheist the religious side is putting me off.

Second school would be my first choice, it’s a C of E and no doubt does celebrate festivals such as harvest and Easter which I have nothing against, as a child my school would do this as it was a village school with a church nearby, we sang hymns etc…. but it was low key religious, which I feel this school would be, had no sense of it being religious, no mention of the diocese, or someone talking about it like the other one, no visuals of god at every turning point. I had a lovely feeling about this school when looking round but although walkable more of a trek, not as handy.

Both have before and after school provisions, both good reputations, it really is distance and the religoius aspects I’m having issue with. It is myself that would be doing drop offs and pick ups (partner works longer hours and earns the better wage and no family to help) and I am already considering I will need more flexible working and it’s going to be difficult to get to and from work on time with school (I have no option I have to work and struggle on 32hrs a week, due to child care provision, wage as it is).

So….

YABU - if it’s more easily accessible and DD will be happy and get a good education what does the religious side matter

YANBU - if the emphasis on the religious side makes you (me) uncomfortable choose the other school.

**DISCLAIMER - I am not against religion, open to any if that’s an individuals choice and my daughter can grow to make her own choice and I’m fine with that.

OP posts:
Original poster
chellewillnotbebeaten · 10/01/2026 12:20

Oioiqueen · 10/01/2026 12:10

I think it comes down to how comfortable you are with it. Our children attend a CofE school which is an academy run by the local diocese. It is very Christian heavy but is 300m from our house in our village. I am agnostic whilst DH is atheist. We are in a catchment area where all the primary schools are CofE, further afield out of catchment we only have a choice of two schools that aren't. We are rural so our options are very limited. The reason why we went with this school regardless of its location was its ethos and values. They place high value on kindness, love, courage, honesty and resilience. All things that we value as a family so we could get by with it. We have always said we would see how they went through EYFS and KS1 and move them for KS2 if need be.

Thank you. Sounds very sensible of you. We actually have 4 schools within easy reach, the one being catholic, 2 CofE and the one that is neither just S* Primary School, although it has a good reputation I just didn’t get as good a feeling about it due to its layout/building but it will be going down as choice 3 or 4 .

OP posts:
Original poster
chellewillnotbebeaten · 10/01/2026 12:15

ThatGreenFawn · 10/01/2026 12:05

Just to let you know, there will be aspects of religion that the cofe school will have to follow. They will have a Siams inspection (like a religious Ofsted) and will need to do certain things to pass it e.g. school prayers etc. It is worth looking at their latest siams report to see just how religious it is.

Thank you for suggesting this! Would never have occurred to me! I have just had a quick look (as I have a 4yr old pestering me haha, I read again later) and it was pleasant reading and seems they follow Christian values such as acceptance, respect, pastoral care support and nurturing all of which I do actually feel are valuable in life regardless of following religion or not…… but I’m not having palpitations or rolling my eyes due to mentions of church or prayer so that is positive!

Like I would never get married in a church ‘just because it would be my family’s choice or because I actually was christened as a child’ whereas my partner would but does not practice his religion (which ironically for this topic he was brought up in a catholic family). He is very much leaving the choices up to me tho so I get final say in terms of school.

OP posts:
Oioiqueen · 10/01/2026 12:10

I think it comes down to how comfortable you are with it. Our children attend a CofE school which is an academy run by the local diocese. It is very Christian heavy but is 300m from our house in our village. I am agnostic whilst DH is atheist. We are in a catchment area where all the primary schools are CofE, further afield out of catchment we only have a choice of two schools that aren't. We are rural so our options are very limited. The reason why we went with this school regardless of its location was its ethos and values. They place high value on kindness, love, courage, honesty and resilience. All things that we value as a family so we could get by with it. We have always said we would see how they went through EYFS and KS1 and move them for KS2 if need be.

ComtesseDeSpair · 10/01/2026 12:08

I’d pick the second school. You aren’t Catholic so the emphasis on prayer and preparing for First Communion etc isn’t going to benefit your child, and it’s likely that the narrative of God will also be woven into the broader learning environment and curriculum in ways that the school sees appropriate. Whilst you could request your child is withheld from religious practice, what’s the benefit to them of having what sounds like reasonably significant aspects of school life and the school community which they’re excluded from? For the sake of a slightly longer walk, it seems a no-brainer to pick an environment they can be and feel fully included in.

ladycarlotta · 10/01/2026 12:06

Given that you have a better feeling in general about the CofE school and that's what you would choose if the distance were equal, I'd go with that. It's worth it to feel comfortable with the environment your child is learning in.

I totally get that for a school run the extra 10 minutes does count but you'll just get into a routine. In my kids' (urban and oversubscribed) primary there are quite a few families who have moved a similar distance away from school's tiny catchment and they make it work.

ThatGreenFawn · 10/01/2026 12:05

Just to let you know, there will be aspects of religion that the cofe school will have to follow. They will have a Siams inspection (like a religious Ofsted) and will need to do certain things to pass it e.g. school prayers etc. It is worth looking at their latest siams report to see just how religious it is.

Needmorelego · 10/01/2026 12:02

Have you checked the admissions for the CofE school?
Is it your nearest school? Would you almost definitely get a place there?
If so I would put the Catholic as choice 1 and the CofE as 2nd.
If you don't qualify for the Catholic one then you will probably get the CofE.
But.... it's not 100% guaranteed.
Which school do most of the children in your street go to?

Original poster
chellewillnotbebeaten · 10/01/2026 11:59

OneGreySeal · 10/01/2026 11:57

Friend sends her dc to local catholic because it’s outstanding and she has requested he sit out of mass. He goes to a crèche with other children whilst a TA watches them. It’s not oversubscribed so it works.

That’s interesting thank you

OP posts:
Original poster
chellewillnotbebeaten · 10/01/2026 11:58

redskydelight · 10/01/2026 11:53

How many non-Catholics does the Catholic school typically take?
If it's a large proportion, I'd be tempted to stick with it.

How far exactly is the "trek" that you describe the further away school? Could you cycle instead (especially as DC gets older and wants to be more independent)? Is it close enough that friends etc would live nearby, or will you also be "trekking" to their houses?

The ‘trek’ is about another 10minutes and more hilly so not horrendous in good weather, I realise my opinion of a trek is questionable haha, and the older she gets she would be able to walk and we will be close to friends - the schools are close as we live in a very built up densely population area.
in honsety I have no idea the proportion of catholic/non-catholic intake.

OP posts:
OneGreySeal · 10/01/2026 11:57

Friend sends her dc to local catholic because it’s outstanding and she has requested he sit out of mass. He goes to a crèche with other children whilst a TA watches them. It’s not oversubscribed so it works.

Original poster
chellewillnotbebeaten · 10/01/2026 11:54

Thank you for your responses. No you don’t HAVE to be catholic, I think priority is given if you are but it is not over subscribed - ironically we live in heavily dominated by Islam city, and the area we live is becoming increasingly occupied by people who follow this religion, and there is a mosque at the bottom of my road, so that might be why it’s not oversubscribed. Both are good academically, I don’t dwell too much on Ofsteds tbh, as long as my child will get a decent education and is happy that is my main concern.

OP posts:
redskydelight · 10/01/2026 11:53

How many non-Catholics does the Catholic school typically take?
If it's a large proportion, I'd be tempted to stick with it.

How far exactly is the "trek" that you describe the further away school? Could you cycle instead (especially as DC gets older and wants to be more independent)? Is it close enough that friends etc would live nearby, or will you also be "trekking" to their houses?

Purlant · 10/01/2026 11:49

Personally I wouldn’t send my child to a religious school if I wasn’t of that religion. But, that’s an easy choice for me to make as the religious schools close to me aren’t the best performing. We picked a school slightly further away from the one on our doorstep and we have been really happy with our choice.

Applespearsandpeaches · 10/01/2026 11:47

That’s a trade off only you can make, though if it was me I’d walk a bit further.

Other than proximity is there any advantage to the Catholic one? Have you looked at previous years data and the admissions criteria - for the Catholic school here you’d need to be a practicing Catholic, it’s very oversubscribed. So do you stand a decent chance of getting in to either option?

Needmorelego · 10/01/2026 11:43

Does the Catholic school give priority to practicing Catholic children?
They usually do.
Unless it's massively under subscribed it's unlikely you would get a place anyway.