Post surgery gaming partner, wanting him to fucking grow up

Hobbies that take over home life and living together are unacceptable, especially if only one partner carries out the hobby like gaming, crafting etc. Imagine if you sat there and knitted 8 hours a day at the expense of any housework?

Much prefer men with hobbies like golf or other sports where they go out on the weekend play their sport for a few hours and then come home.

What are his redeeming qualities? He needs to cut down on the gaming at least while you are together. He can do it before you get back from work and then spend the evening with you. Definitely don’t bring any children into the mix unless he proves he is able to cut down or stop.

Me and my husband are/were gamers but we haven’t games in 4 years since we had kids. It would just be tragic to have a child needing stimulation and engagement while we are 100% focused on a game.

Echoing others, DH and I both game to different degrees (he’ll play immersive epic games that can go on for 100s of hours, I play a bit of Mario or Angry Birds). Neither of us do it at the expense of the housework, childcare, or each other. I play a bit while DS is napping or in the evening while the TV is on and DH sometimes stays up an hour or two after I’ve gone to bed, but he’s still up at 6am to give DS breakfast.

The gaming is simply an excuse for being a lazy arse. I hope you don’t have kids with him because he certainly won’t improve if you do.

Second hand ick. He sounds awful. Will you have a long recovery? Do you have any other support in place? You deserve better than this.

Bin him off OP.

Bin him. What a loser.

Why. On. EARTH are you with him?

It would annoy you more now. It's highlighted the fact that when you need him to step help - post surgery, you can't rely on him and he's not there (won't be there) for you.

Have you decided what to do?

Both gamers, responsibility and kids happiness and fun always comes first. Have the mutual understanding if in a game that can't be paused and team based - emergencies instant log out but in general leniency with waiting for a response unless critical. What you're describing I'd not tolerate op. At all. He games during work hours too, and most the day but everything else is done so why not. If he's needed he stops immediately though, zero issue. Just about mutual respect for each other (which includes it non critical and we're playing something we can't pause we let the other finish).

We're a gaming family and this isn't normal

It's not the gaming that's the issue OP. He's either addicted or he's trying to escape something. What that thing is is anybodies guess.

Yeah, he’d be going!

I’ve had 3 surgeries this past year. I didn’t lift a finger after! I got coffee/tea and food in bed if I needed it. Dh is a company director who works full days and commutes part of the week. I couldn’t drive for 6 weeks and he did every school run. All of the heavy lifting. Days out with the kids every weekend to let me sleep. Took off the whole of the half term to do the childcare.

This one needs to go in the bin.

wtf why did you marry such a loser of a guy!! Wise your bar op. This isn’t normal - please also say you have no kids together.

I am a gamer and I don't recognise this at all

I'm a gamer. I play about 2 hours, 3 times a week, once everything else is done, because I have a wife and child who deserve my attention.

Would I like to play more often? Yeah, sometimes when the weather's crap, but not often.

Gaming is a hobby, and like any other hobby it can be something you do occasionally for fun, or something that becomes all consuming, or that you do because you want to avoid doing the washing up (like I'm doing by sitting on Mumsnet right now)

It's not the gaming that's making your partner a twat @didntsignup , it's the fact that he's a twat. If he wasn't gaming, he'd find another reason to do fuck all.

This is an addiction.
When you’ve been bullied talk to him don’t use the term gaming. Call it what it is, his addiction. Let him know his addiction has taken him out of your relatIonship.

Is he OH or husband?

YANBU. I'm sure someone will be along to tell you to communicate or write a list or project manage him but honestly who can be fucking bothered.

Yep I would say the gaming is just an excuse. He’s lazy, addicted to his phone (probably the two go hand in hand). Tell him to either get some help to kick his addiction or it is over. Also, were you “giving in” to sex or was it mutual? If not mutual then I’d suggest you get your own counselling…

Ancient gamer here (And I'm not sorry!)

He's a selfish waste of space

You can do better

I wouldn’t have stayed dating someone long enough for it to turn into us living together if they were like this.

It shouldn’t have got to the point that you’re only just now bothered about his incompetence and laziness now that you’ve had surgery.

You are both adults living in the same household he should be doing his equal share of chores, up keep and just daily duties.

You have man child on your hands and this isn’t going to get better. I would find it so unattractive and such a turn off to be with someone who did nothing but game.

This isn’t really a relationship is it? It’s more like child-minding.

Hopefully this is the wake-up call you need, to realise what a lazy partner you have.

I put YABU. By you saying 'I need to put a wash on' you're skirting around the issue and not helping yourself.

YOU need to put a wash on (DH) can you do that now please.
if you don't think he will listen and you're sick to the back teeth of him, then you need to leave him. If you're still putting up with sex.. before surgery, and you're still doing the washing, nothing will change.

seriously, consider leaving this waste of space.

Sometimes it takes a blip in life to realise how someone just won't step up to the mark. Up to that point, you give them the benefit of the doubt and just assume that if it came to the crunch, they'd be there for you. The damage is done. You never forget that they weren't there when you needed them.

Consider this a worthwhile lesson OP and act on it!