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AIBU?

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Post surgery gaming partner, wanting him to fucking grow up

141 replies

didntsignup · 10/01/2026 11:33

My OH plays video games habitually, he never stops. I’m off work at the moment recovering from surgery and I’m getting so annoyed with his gaming.

Firstly he does shit all in the house. I’ve just struggled out of bed and he’s sitting on the couch playing a game on his phone. I said I need to put the washing on. He half heartedly said “should I do it?”

The dishes are piled up. Washing basket overflowing. Bins needs emptying. He does fuck all.

I usually work 9-5 but obviously been off this week, and he comes back from work around 2. He sets up himself on his laptop and games til about 6.

But when he’s finished on his laptop hell switch to his phone again. And plays it all night. Unless of course he wants sex. After sex (if it happens, which it hasn’t since surgery obviously) he’ll play on it until 1 or 2am. When I see the light on his phone I’ll quietly ask him to turn it off, which is met by moans of it helps him sleep/it’s his hobby/ it’s what he wants to do.

I am getting so angry just being in a room with him. I’ll say something and he’ll respond 30 seconds later not knowing what I’ve said but head buried in a phone. Was the same in hospital when I was there - 8 hours post surgery just playing on his fucking phone.

It’s so off putting, I feel like I’m in a teenage relationship where I have to ask for basic conversation or for him to do a fucking dish.

Any wives of gamers here? Is this normal? Aibu

OP posts:
Screamingabdabz · 10/01/2026 20:41

Why are you with such useless waste of space?

pilates · 10/01/2026 20:38

LTB
How unattractive

thestaffy · 10/01/2026 20:28

Simple question.

What do you see your relationship looking like in 5 years time? The same as now? How often do you actually talk to each other??

I see big red flags.

ElegantFowl · 10/01/2026 15:21

You’re nuts if you stay with him. I have to say, I find grown arsed adults addicted to gaming mighty tragic.

gamerchick · 10/01/2026 15:05

Ineedanewsofa · 10/01/2026 15:03

I’m genuinely surprised by the amount of PPs who have said they are married to gamers who do pull their weight and act like adults rather than overgrown teenagers because my experience of gamers (I work in tech so encounter quite a few!) is that they have been exactly like @didntsignup’s DH and I’ve wondered why their partners put up with it. Have my first ever LTB!

We can all be wrong on occasion. Don't worry about it.

Ineedanewsofa · 10/01/2026 15:03

I’m genuinely surprised by the amount of PPs who have said they are married to gamers who do pull their weight and act like adults rather than overgrown teenagers because my experience of gamers (I work in tech so encounter quite a few!) is that they have been exactly like @didntsignup’s DH and I’ve wondered why their partners put up with it. Have my first ever LTB!

WingsTingle · 10/01/2026 14:54

Get rid.

Nowimhereandimlost · 10/01/2026 14:49

Yeah, I'd find this deeply unattractive

binkie163 · 10/01/2026 14:29

Dietday · 10/01/2026 11:44

You must be absolutely desperate to be tolerating such a man-child loser.

This is who he is, a selfish waster.
You would want to be out of your mind to ever have a child with him.

Hope you feel better soon.
You are behaving like his mother.
How could you have sex with that?

This👍
Why on earth would you want to be with him.

KateShugakIsALegend · 10/01/2026 14:08

You can do better

SlashBeef · 10/01/2026 14:06

Yanbu to be pissed off with it but yabu to stay in this relationship. You're incompatible and it sounds bleak.

silverwrath · 10/01/2026 14:05

He sounds lazy. And addicted. But you're his partner. Not his mother.

Serious discussion necessary about how you manage your domestic responsibilities going forward. If he doesn't grow up and start pulling his weight, I'd be kicking him to the kerb.

neilyoungismyhero · 10/01/2026 13:59

LTB

AnneLovesGilbert · 10/01/2026 13:59

I can’t believe you have sex with him. Get rid.

bombastix · 10/01/2026 13:56

I said you were unreasonable because gamers never change. They are the most juvenile of men. He’s obviously extremely selfish from your description so you need to prioritize yourself.

Datafan55 · 10/01/2026 13:47

When you leave, be sure to tell him 'New level of singledom unlocked'.

lechatnoir · 10/01/2026 13:32

What on earth does he bring to your life? Seriously OP, you have a FT job so presumably can pay your own way, you do all the household chores, don’t want sex with this man-child, have no social life together and rightly find him tedious & lazy. There’s literally nothing left here just hoof him out and enjoy a clean, tidy and peaceful home.

Inthefuturenow · 10/01/2026 13:31

I agree this is who he is. He won't change. Up to you what you're willing to tolerate for the sake of being in a relationship.
Men like this should really just stay single and hire cleaners.
I do think people really show who they are when you are sick though.
Anyway, hope you recover soon OP.

ThisHazelPombear · 10/01/2026 13:27

Leave him, he’s not
going to
change, men don’t

When I was ill the house ran the same because dh took over and he had a console but didn’t want to live in a shit hole either and he was an adult. Yours is a man baby

SugarCoatSandwich · 10/01/2026 13:27

Bin him.

Once you taken out sleep and work and think how many hours of life that leaves, it seems like a tragic use of his existence to be on a screen all the time. It smacks of someone with no curiosity in people, animals, cars, anything in the wider world.

It's sad and not someone I'd want to explore life with.

TwinklySquid · 10/01/2026 13:26

I wish women would stop giving men like this a chance. The men will either change and grow up or stay the same. It’s not your job to deal with this- especially when ill.

ChinFluff46 · 10/01/2026 13:25

There's a phone called The Balance Phone which doesn't allow games and gambling but has all the other essentials.

Datafan55 · 10/01/2026 13:24

Even if it were 'normal', its not good behaviour!

TheDenimPoet · 10/01/2026 13:22

Coffeeishot · 10/01/2026 11:42

His gaming and uselessness didn't bother you untill you need him? Why did you do everything before.

It's too easy to pick up the slack for another person because you can see it needs to be done. But when you've had surgery, and just can't do it, all you can then see is things piling up, which makes it more obvious that you're the one who does everything.

I always find myself pottering around doing bits and bobs, and then sometimes I stop and think why the heck am I doing all of these things, it really shouldn't be entirely my responsibility!

FairKoala · 10/01/2026 13:19

He doesn’t sound old enough to be in a relationship.

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