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AIBU?

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Post surgery gaming partner, wanting him to fucking grow up

141 replies

didntsignup · 10/01/2026 11:33

My OH plays video games habitually, he never stops. I’m off work at the moment recovering from surgery and I’m getting so annoyed with his gaming.

Firstly he does shit all in the house. I’ve just struggled out of bed and he’s sitting on the couch playing a game on his phone. I said I need to put the washing on. He half heartedly said “should I do it?”

The dishes are piled up. Washing basket overflowing. Bins needs emptying. He does fuck all.

I usually work 9-5 but obviously been off this week, and he comes back from work around 2. He sets up himself on his laptop and games til about 6.

But when he’s finished on his laptop hell switch to his phone again. And plays it all night. Unless of course he wants sex. After sex (if it happens, which it hasn’t since surgery obviously) he’ll play on it until 1 or 2am. When I see the light on his phone I’ll quietly ask him to turn it off, which is met by moans of it helps him sleep/it’s his hobby/ it’s what he wants to do.

I am getting so angry just being in a room with him. I’ll say something and he’ll respond 30 seconds later not knowing what I’ve said but head buried in a phone. Was the same in hospital when I was there - 8 hours post surgery just playing on his fucking phone.

It’s so off putting, I feel like I’m in a teenage relationship where I have to ask for basic conversation or for him to do a fucking dish.

Any wives of gamers here? Is this normal? Aibu

OP posts:
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HappenstanceMarmite · 14/01/2026 22:05

Politygal · 14/01/2026 18:58

I'm talking about me, not my partner.

And I was talking to the OP.

Jp54f · 14/01/2026 21:15

Yanbu
My hubby games. But he does the housework. School runs. Dinner when im working. Sees to the kids. Helps with homework. Does uniforms. Bins. Recycling. Washing. Dishes. Without being told. Eithout fucking it up.
Hes a lazy good for nothing boy
Why live like that when its easier to be by yourself and not have to put up with THAT. As for sex.....nope. not for me

Lurkingandlearning · 14/01/2026 21:03

What is the point of him? Is this really how you are going to spend your life? Leave him.

I think I would feel such contempt I would start taking the piss. “Hey , man child let’s see who can make the best dinner this week. The winner gets an imaginary trunk full of treasure.”

Politygal · 14/01/2026 18:58

HappenstanceMarmite · 14/01/2026 17:36

What, exactly, does he bring to your life? Perchance does he smoke a lot of weed?

I'm talking about me, not my partner.

HopeSpringsEternally · 14/01/2026 17:53

Politygal · 14/01/2026 00:07

It is addictive. There's nothing as pleasurable as getting a particular weapon, or solving a puzzle, getting a step further on a quest. You have to ration yourself, and be disciplined about chores etc.

I would leave him.

Exactly.
A gaming addiction is no different to a gambling or alcohol addiction.
It's rooted in childhood trauma usually.
A psychiatrist told my mother decades ago that addicts never stop being addicts, they simply replace one addiction with a new one - hopefully, a less harmful one, sport or work, etc.

HappenstanceMarmite · 14/01/2026 17:36

What, exactly, does he bring to your life? Perchance does he smoke a lot of weed?

Politygal · 14/01/2026 00:07

It is addictive. There's nothing as pleasurable as getting a particular weapon, or solving a puzzle, getting a step further on a quest. You have to ration yourself, and be disciplined about chores etc.

I would leave him.

Politygal · 14/01/2026 00:07

Sharptonguedwoman · 10/01/2026 11:37

Not a wife of a gamer so no useful wisdom to offer. That would drive me mad, honestly. Can you give the useless man-child a list of what needs doing? I know that's really annoying as well.
Honestly, I think gaming is addictive.

It is addictive. There's nothing as pleasurable as getting a particular weapon, or solving a puzzle, getting a step further on a quest. You have to ration yourself, and be disciplined about chores etc.

I would leave him.

Hopingtobeaparent · 13/01/2026 22:36

Neverends1 · 12/01/2026 13:26

I just want to offer some solidarity as my 'partner' is exactly the same. He has a room he games in and literally lives in there. Hes even put a mattress in there to sleep! Its basically me and the children ans him living with his xbox. He spends an hour with our son in the evening...gaming. He is also home all day whilst im in work and he refuses to do anything in the house.
If hes not on xbox, it's the phone. Constantly in his hand. He ignores me, doesn't listen to me. If we go anywhere, hes constantly on his phone.

Just like you, I've had times where I've been unwell and had surgery (c section) and he'd still sit on xbox whilst I struggled.

Its completely off putting and worse than dating a child. I dont think things will get better. I know I need to leave and it sounds like you do too.

I hope you both find the power to demand better for yourselves @didntsignup & @Neverends1 !!

Honestly, please do not accept this!

Goingbonkers247 · 13/01/2026 11:09

my OH is a gamer and both our kids (Both 12), but I am not. But he is very handy, always has dinner on the table, cleans and does laundry if I go into the office.
he is good with cars and fixes our cars, he is currently off work though due to chronic back pain and unable to move much so gaming more but still doing as much as he can.
Your OH isn't being fair. maybe a stern word!!

punkfizz · 12/01/2026 19:30

eww

GirlWithTheRedScarf · 12/01/2026 19:27

You do everything so he does nothing.
Dont baby him. I would tell him to get his shit together or else you’re done.
He needs therapy for his addiction. Then after that he needs to grow up and take some responsibility.
I personally would not be happy in a one sided relationship. That’s not a team mate that’s a teenage boy who never learned to be independent.

nutbrownhare15 · 12/01/2026 19:17

What is the point of being with him? Seriously?

Worriedatwork1 · 12/01/2026 19:05

My partner might play the odd game of FIFA to unwind but that’s excessive, unhealthy and unreasonable

MoonWoman69 · 12/01/2026 18:40

He sounds like a selfish man child. I'd be making plans to leave. He has absolutely no interest in anything other than his stupid game play! He's proved that to you now.
And I certainly wouldn't be having sex with him again! Ick!

BeQuaintRubyRobin · 12/01/2026 15:14

Do you have children together?

TheCurious0range · 12/01/2026 15:11

This isn't a gamer. It's a man child. DH built his gaming PC, he uses it maybe once a week for a couple of hours after DS is in bed and the house is straight and tidy and checks in with me first, eg is there anything you want to watch together? If I say no or I've got a book in reading , want to have a bath, am going out, he'll say in that case I might play my game for an hour or two. Some weeks he doesn't use it at all especially if he had plans that take him out without us, he wouldn't do that and game . That's a normal hobby and life balance.

Redpeach · 12/01/2026 15:10

And doing it in bed whilst you're trying to sleep is awful

Abd80 · 12/01/2026 15:10

.

Abd80 · 12/01/2026 15:08

What you have here is a manchild.
Leave now. He’ll never change.

skyeisthelimit · 12/01/2026 13:58

I am sorry, buy why on earth are you with him? He clearly isn't interest in a relationship or family life. If he wants to live like a teenager, let him, but on his own.

Kick him out and leave him to his gaming.

Neverends1 · 12/01/2026 13:26

I just want to offer some solidarity as my 'partner' is exactly the same. He has a room he games in and literally lives in there. Hes even put a mattress in there to sleep! Its basically me and the children ans him living with his xbox. He spends an hour with our son in the evening...gaming. He is also home all day whilst im in work and he refuses to do anything in the house.
If hes not on xbox, it's the phone. Constantly in his hand. He ignores me, doesn't listen to me. If we go anywhere, hes constantly on his phone.

Just like you, I've had times where I've been unwell and had surgery (c section) and he'd still sit on xbox whilst I struggled.

Its completely off putting and worse than dating a child. I dont think things will get better. I know I need to leave and it sounds like you do too.

LouiseD2018 · 12/01/2026 12:28

Wife of a gamer, definitely not normal, family and home first. A couple of hours max per night, not every night since we've had a family. Sounds like he's truly addicted, but if not willing to even try to reduce time spent gaming, I'm not sure its worth staying.

Possumzilla91 · 12/01/2026 09:09

Dietday · 10/01/2026 11:44

You must be absolutely desperate to be tolerating such a man-child loser.

This is who he is, a selfish waster.
You would want to be out of your mind to ever have a child with him.

Hope you feel better soon.
You are behaving like his mother.
How could you have sex with that?

Telling someone that they're pathetic and desperate for having a shit partner isn't going to help them leave. Jfc, what a horrible way to word this.

OP, you definitely deserve better than this.

CelestialCandyfloss · 12/01/2026 07:48

God this is giving me flashbacks! My first serious relationship when I was 20 (30 years ago!) was like this. We didn't have phones or internet games but he got a games console and sat in our spare room gaming all the time. He worked odd hours and I felt so alone, as he was either gaming or at work. He didn't do anything round the house. He was actually a lovely person before it all started, he just got addicted. You have tried to talk to him and he's not listened. I think you need to seriously think if you want to be with this person cos if he's not there for you when you need him post-surgery he's never going to be there for you 😢