To think this can’t be normal?

My son is 8 months now but I went through a nightmare phase when he was a newborn. He’d cry every minute of being awake because he was tired, but would only nap 30 minutes and would wake 8 time a night.

He would sleep sometimes though. He would sleep an hour next to me (co slept for survival) and wake then wake up approx Every hour.

Are you saying the baby simply will not sleep? Because that’s not normal. Or is it frequent wake ups?

My baby was low weight and woke to feed frequently. It improved as he got older (bigger!) also breastfed. How is your DS weight?

I wouldn't say it was normal. My youngest (of 3) was like this. When they were 2 we discovered they were gluten intolerant. I suspect it was that as I was BF and eating gluten. Things settled as we switched to FF and then got worse again when more solid food, including gluten, was introduced.

If you are as desperate as I know I was then, maybe try excluding gluten for a week. If that doesn't work try excluding dairy for a week. That's not long enough to do any harm to you but would be enough time to see if it made a difference.

Hang on in there. Things will get better.

I had this with my DD who is now 13 and so far a lovely teenager.

She did have reflux but I was also EBF and at 12 weeks I couldn’t take any more and put her on the bottle with formula. She was like a different baby when this happened!

Been here and survived!! My son from 2 weeks screamed his head off I thought I was useless and really struggled with the lack of sleep. I tried infacol for reflux and kept his head lifted. Someone suggested something like a yellow pages over a blanket. I promise it will get easier just hang in there. Do you have family you can lean on for support? Sending hugs to you.

I had a similar experience and I really feel for you. It was incredibly hard. DS is now 2 and he is still a strong character, being very good at communicating his needs! We cosleep and the first few months he would only sleep on me. Look up safe ‘chest sleeping’ as an option. A few chiropractor (think it was craniosacral) sessions helped, but that’s not for everyone!

Another vote for possible dairy intolerance! How are his nappies?

.My DD would not sleep unless held during the night and when put in her cot would start crying. She would sleep through an earthquake during the day This went on for about 4 months and then gradually it would improve. It is hard though. Although easier said than done, try and grab what sleep you can when they sleep.

Is the 4yo ND?
my 2 were both like this and eldest is ND asd and adhd.
Reflux can be from food allergy so could be soya or milk

Couldn’t just read and run. I completely sympathise, it is absolute torture running on so little sleep.
Have you got any family to help you out? My Mum used to come over on Saturdays and took baby, I went upstairs and got 2 hours sleep. I felt like a new person! I remember in the trenches of the early hours thinking ‘okay, it’s Tuesday today, I am guarenteed some sleep on Saturday’. It saved me! My aunt did every other Friday and I did similar. There’s no guilt about coming across as rude - they were there for baby so box ticked!
I would potentially try swapping roles for a few nights - does baby take a bottle? It sounds like your eldest needs some ‘training’ for nights without Dad, the first few nights would be tough but could be worth it?
I never co slept, I had exactly the same worries as you. By 15ish weeks my baby was doing 1-2hour stints in her next-to-me, not ideal but so much better than held all the time - start with a bassinet or crib with movement if yours does that, and have a really firm hand on them so they know you’re there. I regularly had an arm curled into the next-to-me which was incredibly awkward but it did mean baby would slowly settle!
The best advice I’ve had is ‘every point is a phase, it will pass’. I say this sat on the landing floor with a bow-3yo giving me murder screams because she doesn’t want to go to bed - another phase!!!!?

Its such a hard phase. My first didnt like to sleep unless in my arms. They are so used to being close its hard for them to adjust (and even harder on us). My husband got really confused with our 2nd as he wasn't use to seeing a baby sleeping in a cot! One thing that helped for us was a cheap disco ball by the bed. I would put it on and she watched it, sometimes it bought me 10 more mins. Once when I was no longer safe I put her down with the disco ball on and woke an hour later, she had finally nodded off

I think this sounds quite extreme - could you ask doc to try bay Gaviscon? Have you tried Infacol? If they like being moved what about a Rockit rocking the pram for you? Or one of those things that make the cot vibrate?

Sleep deprivation is the worst. Do you have a friend or parent who can push the pram for an hour or two while you nap? Good luck

Perfectly normal baby … not a normal 4 yr old though ! I’d focus on sorting your older child out - shoud be in bed before 10pm - and he’s sleeping downstairs too ? You’re heading for a whole load of problems if you carry on letting him behave like this .

I’m afraid I held mine all night and for all naps until at least 4 months. She would never be put down without screaming. She still sleeps with me at nearly 2. Once I accepted it and made it safe and prioritised getting some sleep myself over trying to obey the rules and force her into her cot it was actually fine - very bonding.

Look at the lullaby trust info on bed sharing
It might be worth trying to cut out dairy from your diet, if baby has an allergy to dairy it can cause reflux
Have you accessed any feeding support locally? Using a more upright hold such as a laid back or koala position for breastfeeding can help refluxy babies

Get a baby swing. Infacol too. Game changer.

Go back to your GP, in fact can you request a different GP? They can give you anti reflux medication for your baby. I actually don't think this level of discomfort is normal and I think some responses are wrong about that. My first baby had it really bad as well and it's desperate for you, I feel you. My second baby was bad but nowhere near the first. Please get anti reflux medication and I would go with co-sleeping. Do all the reading about it, prepare and then get some sleep.

Newborns cry.

Mine was a little angel in the hospital and at home the first night. Babies can’t deal with gas and they get reflux so they are in pain.

My child’s GP refused to prescribe anything for the reflux so we gave him all of his formula sitting up.

Do you have a partner?

You know it’s ok to put your baby in their for while you have a shower?

I did this and usually the crying would stop.

Newborns cry.

Mine was a little angel in the hospital and at home the first night. Babies can’t deal with gas and they get reflux so they are in pain.

My child’s GP refused to prescribe anything for the reflux so we gave him all of his formula sitting up.

Do you have a partner?

You know it’s ok to put your baby in their for while you have a shower?

I did this and usually the crying would stop.

My baby is 12 weeks and like you, I was at breaking point! Things improved just when I thought I couldn’t take anymore! I was so tired my vision was hallucinating rodent tails whipping in and out of the corners of my eyes. I sat on my sofa deliriously breastfeeding, trying to “move my eyes quicker” to find the rodents.

Co-sleeping is what saved us. I appreciate it does not work for everyone. I was really hesitant about it and HV said to start by doing it with partner watching. We used the breast/c curl and had nothing at all on the bed. The HV had me try out the curl on the floor. It is actually really hard to move out of this position once in it. My husband works from home so actually just sat working for a few days while me and baby co-slept with his supervision. I then realised we were completely safe and now we cosleep every night and I actually like it. I love watching her sleep (and getting enough sleep myself!) I also think I’m so lucky to spend this time with her, which was REALLY not how I felt about cosleeping when I started it out of desperation.

My baby still won’t go in the pram so I’m not an expert, but have you tried a rockit? Is your pram “safe for sleep”? If so, maybe this is your solution?

I also saw a hammock type swing mentioned upthread. Things like this are a much greater SIDs risk than cosleeping.

Yeah, it isn't ideal, but mine would only sleep in a bouncy vibrating chair for the first few months. You just need to do whatever you need to get through it.

I think its normal, but actually the 4 year old is less normal. We coped by shifts because the 4 year old didn't need us at night as much by that point. Could you work on 4 yr old sleep?

I co slept because I got so tired I felt myself taking microsleeps while driving.

Its literal torture. Co sleep safely right next to baby and things will improve, and at some point in the future this will all be an extremely fuzzy memory. You can do this.

If his reflux is this bad he needs prescription medication from your GP. Just because this is relatively common it’s still not something you all just put up with. There are various meds to try as well as different sleeping positions.

This situation can and will improve but you can speed it along and make life better for you all. Poor baby must be completely exhausted too.

Can your partner hold the baby except when baby needs to BF? That would allow you to lay down and get some quick naps. Unfortunately, this does sound normal and should settle down in a few weeks, but if you can't ever lay horizontal until then because the baby will cry, then that's not going to work. I understand that your partner is also tired but not as tired as you. He needs to help out more (hold baby, burp baby, do diaper changes, etc.) so you can get some naps in, even short ones.

I do feel for you, my first was horrendously colicky and was like this. What are YOU eating? I found there were things that really upset my EBF babies after I ate them. Specifically, grapefruit or oranges, hot/spicy food, and caffeinated coffee. Try following a simple bland diet for a few days and see if it helps, it certainly won't do any harm to try.

Might also be worth trying Infacol drops, it's an old-fashioned remedy but might help.

Good luck.

My babies were nightmare sleepers at that age. It does get better