Does anyone else feel like this re: parents

I am sorry to read this. I fully understand how you are feeling, I am the same with my mum too, you need to protect yourself, do you have a friend you can talk to?
You need to accept your mother is like this, don't make regular contact with her, be very disinterested when you speak to her, good luck xxx

My MIL is like this.

I told her I was in the hospital for suspected heart attack but after tests had come home in a taxi

She asked how much the taxi cost

As well as not talking about the real issue, I get negative or sort of shaming / blaming comments

At the same time she expects me to listen to her and her friends problems and be supportive.

I'm distancing myself now.

My mum doesn't really offer sympathy, support or anything like personal interactions . We tend to just talk about very bland, impersonal subjects when meet and rarely talk on the phone - unless essential. We communicate by text mainly.

That said I think she may show more concern if I was in an accident. I certainly hope dh would!

We, assuming we are mothers, have to promise ourselves not to do the same thing to our own children.

It must be difficult when it’s your mum, but obviously you already know that different people have different levels of empathy. Your mum just happens to be on the low empathy end of that spectrum. It’s unfortunate that your husband is too, but it means you’ll need to build a support network of higher empathy people around you.

We marry our parents don’t we as they are familiar to us!

Similar issues with my own DM....I phone up about something and it always seems to move onto the same topic each and every time. I am not interested! She just steers it to that one topic. It puts me off phoning.

This.

You either have to have a lower level of contact and keep it superficial or cut contact altogether. Get support elsewhere because it’s never going to be something your mum can provide. Thinking she may give you a different reaction, the reaction you want one day isn’t going to happen and her not giving it each time will upset and destroy you.

I’ve been there, lots of other issues too and annoyingly I’d get told about her neighbours or random other person had it so bad and she was supporting them. I cut contact for a variety of reasons in the end and life is so much better for it.

Mine would just reply that it happened to her once and then tell me all about that. No questions to check if I’m ok or if I need anything, nope, just all about her.

Im now NC.

My MIL is absolutely like this. I’ve learnt it’s not that she doesn’t care, it’s that she struggles to process information and then respond in an emotionally/socially appropriate way. If we have big news we tell her by WhatsApp. Then tell her how we are feeling. Then ring her a week later.
It sounds ridiculous written down but that’s the only way she has it in her to behave in a ‘normal’ way. I suspect she is undiagnosed autistic (based on her grandchildren) so try to be understanding. But in the early days, she hurt my feelings hugely.

She either can't or won't give you any support so phoning her will always just make you feel worse.

Make peace with the fact that your mum is incapable of showing empathy and kindness to her own daughter and pull right back from the relationship.

Once you stop hoping that she might provide you with help and support, you can aim to find other sources of comfort and support, whether practical or emotional.

Currently, you are hoping that each time you contact her for support to deal with a problem or difficult situation, she might finally be the kind of mother you want/need. This isn't going to happen and you are constantly disappointed and upset.

Yes, my mum was very similar. Over time I think I made peace with it, and accepted that she was unable to give me any sort of emotional support. On her part it wasn't meant maliciously, it was just how she was.

It is hard when you see other people who have close relationships with their mums. But that's life x