To think some children are just wired to need / want screen time

Ha ha ha

do you honestly think prior to the turn of the century children were sitting reading most of the time - when they weren’t playing outside in wholesome surroundings that is?

Cone on!

Funny how so many of us survived without any screens at all for much or all of our childhoods. There were these quaint old fashioned things called books that we used to enjoy.

I think some children have poorer impulse control, yes. And are less able to entertain themselves without being encouraged in that direction.

That said, I think there is a huge difference between big screens (watching films and tv) and small screens (handheld gaming, YouTube, scrolling).

I had zero limits on what tv I could watch as a child. I had a tv in my bedroom from probably 10. My parents were a bit shit, so I often didn’t go to school and I could spend weeks doing nothing but watching tv 12+ hours a day.

I don’t think it had any negative effects. I’ve been very traditionally successful career wise and in other aspects of life. As an adult, I don’t ever watch tv really, though I do use a computer and phone. I don’t game. I spend a lot of time outdoors and doing active things.

But I have very good impulse control and am very self-regulated. So it’s not so much screens, but how you can manage your own behaviour and I do think certain people are different. I don’t really buy into this whole ADHD thing, but I do think not everyone can cope with modern life as well as others because we aren’t made to be indoors in front of screens from an evolutionary perspective.

Fifty years ago I would have my head buried in a Book.DM would tell me to put it down and go out and play. Now it’s a screen. There is a world of learning available on a screen. It is a great educator. If all you do is play shoot em up that’s different.

My DS gets like this too.

Of course some kids like it more. There are also kids who like Spider-Man or purple or ballet. I have never been a gamer but my brother and husband and son love video games. My daughter isn’t bothered. I definitely am not bothered.

Your kids struggling to stop is not great. What are they doing on the screens? For my son (9) I very much restrict video games and he has no access to YouTube, but I don’t mind when he watches a nature show and we watch bake off or a movie together etc. But I am sure too many video games affects his mood and probably his brain so he gets 3 hours a week (mostly on weekends as he has clubs most nights)

My brother did a lot of gaming and frankly hasn't done very well (plus ended up with Ricketts from never being outside) BUT the nature of screen time now is very different versus screen time of 20-30 years. It's in kids faces, it's relentless, it's literally designed to be intrusive and move in a way that draws them in and makes them addicted to the next hit / press / scenario. If your boys are on track to an ADHD diagnosis they probably need to be out all the time and moving / playing sports. I would be ruthlessly strict about none during the week and would be struct too about parts of the weekend. Any relaxation of the rules, or excess time, becomes the slippery slope

Id be inclined to further restrict if they're having tantrums when they come off them.

Different personalities.

People on here will be "oh we never restricted screens and my child will put a tablet down after ten minutes and go and weave lentils. So you shouldn't restrict them as my children are perfect, so yours will be too" .. you see it everywhere... Perfect parents to perfect children.

Completely ignoring the fact that everyone is different,and maybe the child next door who had the same set of circumstances will not be able to self regulate...

Wiring implies you are powerless and is a parenting cop out. If you don't t agree with your DH, have an adult conversation, but the tantrums at coming off screens is something in his favour.

It could be a question of initiative, can you do more to inspire, entertain and distract your son's rather than focusing on something they can't do? Do they get enough exercise?

I think what is happening here is your children know to try and kick up a stink if they don’t get what they want. Of course they don’t need screen time. They would survive if it didn’t exist.

No children are wired to ‘need’ it, but once it’s an option then obviously some children will enjoy it more than others.

I don’t think you can compare your brothers experience with an Amiga with today’s children’s experiences on iPads.

One of the things that is so damaging for children today is that everything on the screen provides instant gratification. We had to wait bloody ages for Amigas to load, and in between every level. You also had to persevere quite a bit to move up the levels. It was nothing like the overstimulation children get on screens today.

No, the content is designed to be addictive.

Some kids find it more difficult to disengage from screens once they are hooked in. That doesn't mean it's good for them or likely to leave them feeling better. They just need more support in managing the transition.

My brother was very much into screentime as a kid and I'd rarely see him. He has turned into a fully functional adult who holds a masters and is a teacher. However it turns out he has ADHD which was diagnosed as an adult. So screentime may have been his dopamine hit. I don't remember him having meltdowns about coming off devices but looking back there was some kind of addiction there.

I’ve voted the wrong way because voted before reading the actual bit where you asked if you were being unreasonable. You are unreasonable to think gaming is a wired in need. Gaming didn’t exist much before the 80s. It is NOT unreasonable to restrict screen time. Children with ADHD tend to find it very difficult to regulate their time doing anything, never mind games that are designed to be addictive. Gaming activates the dopamine reward centres of the brain so is even more addictive for those with ADHD and our constant dopamine seeking behaviours. My ADHD and ASD son is not allowed screen time if he unable to come off when his time is up. Any getting angry or annoyed means no screen time for a week. Too much screen time negatively impacts his behaviour so it’s a fine line I tread to manage his Lego Fortnite special interest and his need to not have too much screen time.
You need to understand how ADHD and gaming interact with each other and the impact on the brain. I am influenced by gaming ruining my son’s dad’s first marriage plus his relationship with me due to his gaming addiction. Gaming was instrumental in my own marriage breakdown too. XBOX widows are a reality.

Rather a lot of children were brought up before screens - so clearly not wired in!

Just different personalities.

They don't need screens; they want them. If the Internet disappeared tomorrow your kids would survive (and probably be happier!).

I have ADHD and am old. When I was young many of us (now obviously ND) kids read books or wrote stories in which we became as completely immersed as you can in a TV show.

What if I told you that some children are wired to need/want hologram time?

Some children are different and need to engage with the "holospace". I've just made up that technology, no idea what it does, but you hopefully get my point. No child is born to need technology. It's just that the tech can appeal to some kids more than others.

Of course its a learned behaviour. What did children do in the thousands of years before all this was invented.

You know that 50 years ago these things didn’t even exist? Children were ‘wired’ the same 50 years ago. Of course they don’t need screen time. What is learned behaviour is that kicking up a fuss gets them more of what they want.

Wired to want or need screen time specifically implies desire for screens is a natural human behaviour / instinct, which it isn't.

It can be addictive though and it gives a dopamine hit.

So yes, we are wired to enjoy and crave dopamine hits and screen time is one of the things that provides that

I think it’s completely reasonable to put limits around screen time.

However, my question would be what do you/your partner do when the kids want screen time but aren’t allowed it? Kids with ADHD often have very poor executive functioning skills and are no way near as good as their peers at entertaining themselves. Simply ‘getting angry’ like you say your partner does is useless. You likely need to facilitate more ways for them to relax/play than your neurotypical daughter. Basically, I think limiting screens is a good thing, but with kids with ADHD you need to be prepared to put in more hard work to do it.

Oh and my kids had zero screen time until they started school. So definitely wasn’t due to lax parenting. If anything I was at the strict end. But I am now very much more relaxed about video games (no access to the internet unsupervised).