To think some children are just wired to need / want screen time

Your subject title: unreasonable
Your question: not unreasonable

It’s a super hard balance I think the most important part is being aware of what they’re doing on the device. We have limits and restrictions and our son has accepted these and deals with it. But he didn’t have a phone until he was 10 and before then no handheld device just his PC we game together on.

Agree with PP that those with ADHD are dopamine seeking and screens is an easy way to get a dopamine hit.

I've brought up my 3 kids exactly the same with screen time and the one with suspected ADHD is hard to get off a screen but the other two will happily initiate other activities. DH who I suspect also has ADHD has the TV on from the moment he gets up until the moment he goes to bed and often his laptop with him as well.

No, I don't see how that can be true as it is only really emerged in the last 10/15 years. If your boys had never had screen time in the first place, they wouldn't be begging for it would they? Pre screens less energetic children would be reading, drawing etc. even watching TV is better than tablets imo.

I limited my kids screentime when they were little and they are glad of it now they are older as it 'forced' them to develop.wider interests and develop a love of the outdoors. They all love hiking now, are all avid readers and while they all have a gaming console its just one of their things to do, not the main thing. I think none at all in the week is extreme though, especially for boys as i found this is a way they talk to their friends, through online gaming together. Mine had a 6 hour limit a week, was up to them when they used it but restricted to 1 hour max after school.

As others have said, with adhd its likely to be craving dopamine so be sure to include activities that give that - for mine a good compromise was lasertag which they all loved but also geocaching, climbing wall and using the local outdoor gym

So is your husband taking them to swimming/football etc? My DD (ADHD) needed swimming and trampolining. She could play out (90's). She found reading painful. My youngest would have been very miserable without screens. A aandheld DS was the thing. It still gives her downtime and she had online communities. It depends on how the child's additional needs affects them, but I don't agree that one rule fits all and I also believe in needs led parenting.

There is some learned behaviour in situations like this, but psychological differences in the brain absolutely contribute.

Some people’s brains are ‘wired’ to seek external stimulus for gratification and others to seek internal stimulus. The seeking behaviour is not learned, it’s physiological.

Always always is the argument ‘but screens didn’t always exist’ – no, but that doesn’t mean that other undesirable behaviours also didn’t exist – addiction, gambling, engaging in high-octane or risky behaviours, essentially anything that seems a heightened level of external stimulus to a problematic degree.

There are three things happening here in the brain chemistry: lower baseline dopamine activity leads to stronger drive to seek stimulation to ‘feel normal’. Higher dopamine reactivity rewards feel more intense and reinforcing. Slower dopamine clearance rewards linger longer, increasing habit formation.

This is partly genetics and partly developmental.

I studied this in psychology and psychiatry at university.

It’s not accurate to say that environment doesn’t matter or that it’s someone’s ’fate no matter what’, but it is accurate to say there is a spectrum of vulnerability.

They may be craving what they aren't allowed. Its forbidden fruit. If they didn't exist they wouldn't crave them, but they do, they know they are there and know they aren't allowed them.

But screens are very addictive. But also allow some to self regulate...

There's no easy answer here. Welcome to Modern Parenting.

Of course they aren't wired that way.

No, of course not. You seem to be suggesting their tantrums mean they should have more screen time rather than less. If they kick off about turning it off they need a proper break from it. It’s fine to be disappointed but they need to respect the limits you put in place, explain and enforce or they’re not mature enough to use screens for entertainment.

No need to go back 1000's of years, a mere 50 (or fewer) will do.

Op has said that her children have adhd

No but this one does because the kids are being assessed for it and it's highly relevant. If you know nothing about it or have nothing useful to say though, then feel free not to comment.

Screens are just the easiest, most passive way to get a dopamine hit. That's what some kids are wired for - especially those with ADHD.

I do think you need to restrict them to a set time at the weekend and stick to it - remind them in a positive way 10 and 5 minutes before it's time to come off. Perhaps to make the transition easier for them you could get them learning some coding - so they're still on a screen for a while longer - but they're actually learning.

They may have used Scratch at school and it's perfect for this age IMO. It's where DS started (also ND) and he's now working as a software engineer. Maybe spend some time on there with them, helping them learn how to use it and suggesting things they could do. They could then have 20 minutes every weekend after their gaming to do some Scratch and hopefully calm the transition. The 10 year old can then move on to Python once he is a pro at Scratch - it is a jump but Python is fantastic because it can be learnt as a beginner but is also used a lot in workplaces. DS uses Python a lot and is still his fave language.

This from Google:
Screens can offer temporary regulation for kids with ADHD through high stimulation and dopamine hits, making them engaging and sometimes reducing immediate symptoms, but this often leads to worse long-term regulation, hyperfocus, emotional meltdowns when stopping, and can exacerbate core ADHD issues like impulsivity and difficulty with transitions, making healthy habits crucial. While screens can be a useful reward or instructional tool in moderation, overuse often hinders development and worsens symptoms, creating a cycle of dependency.

We have non Internet enabled games consoles they get to play like PS2/PS3 and Game Cube etc. I let them watch YouTube but they have timers set for this and need to come off when that time is up. And find something else to do.

Because people are different and this applies to screens. Some people like music. Others like art. Some kids do a lot of sport. Others do none.

Screens are no different - you are looking for an ‘excuse’ to give in to more screen time.

The isn’t biological proof and frankly it so a bit crazy to think so.

Respectfully, this is ridiculous. Nobody is wired to NEED screen time.

Does every behavioural thread here have to have something to do with ADHD?😴

Some people are more hooked on junk food than other people and the companies are very good at adjusting the contents to make both more and more addictive.

We are all different in terms of our susceptibility to things, some people can manage them in a healthy way, some feel a consumption to consume in excess - we see that with alcohol, gambling and even some sports, as well as foods and electronics. We protect children from the former but the latter are trickier to handle.

I don't think humans can be wired to need screens in the sense that screens are not natural. (Eg. I think people can be wired to need peace and quiet or wired to need adrenaline rushes, but not screens specifically.)

When it comes to your children though you might find that you have made screens like forbidden fruit with what seems like arbitrary rules to them.

My child has ADHD, I don't limit screen time except for he's not allowed after he's had dinner, so we can practice good sleep hygiene for his evening routine (he struggles to wind down and get to sleep) so we have bath books and bed, no screens in the evening and this is a rule he can understand and the reason why. Rest of the time he can go on minecraft etc.. whenever he wants but it's naturally limited by weekend plans, school, hobby clubs to the point he's only really got a couple of hours per day anyway, and some days where he has school followed by swimming followed by dinner, there's no opportunity at all.

I was referring to my own era of childhood - 50s and 60s, not to much more recent decades. We didn’t have a TV until I was 11 - not unusual then.

No kid needs screens but they might want them!

Theres been several studies from Japan recently showing that longer daily screen exposure as a child is a significant factor in increased ADHD symptoms two years later!

No 🤣🤣🤣

Just because your boys would prefer more screen time, doesn't mean they're wired towards it. I would actually be limiting it further as it seems they are likely to become dependent on it. I see it time and time again with my kids - when they have no screens, they find something interesting and creative to do.

Yes I agree with you OP. Looking back I think my sister and I reading obsessively was a version of screen time in that we could block out the world and be lost in an absorbing activity. Now as parents we notice that her son is similarly wired and needs / obsesses over screen time whereas my DD just isnt bothered. She’s NT, he’s ND with autism.

I dont think its a need as such as obviously this type of thing hasnt existed very long in human history. But I do think some children find it more rewarding than others and that reward might be fullfilling a need that could be met other ways with more effort.

A lot of these games are designed to give lots of little dopamine hits and adhd has been described as some people as a dopamine disorder, which could be why some people find it harder than others to regulate. People with asd can enjoy the structure and rules compared to the uncertainty of real games etc.

Theres a guy, tj power, who is a neuroscientist. He goes into schools to talk about the DOSE effect ( dopamine, oxytocin, serotonin and endophins) and ways to digitally detox and balance those things in other ways. Its very interesting.