Cutting ties with a friend

It sounds as though she also may be going through something as she reacted very sensitively
However it also seems like that friendship has run it's course

Actually that sounds like that brilliant country and western song about the mom who socked it to the Harper Valley PTA...

Sounds like you have been more than tolerant of your friend’s behaviour over the years. Serious events like your partner’s illness can make a person realise what’s really important in life- and it’s not pandering to a friend’s petty grievances.

I’m guessing a supportive friend would be useful right now and she couldn’t manage it. Perhaps mentally put her in the acquaintance box and keep future interaction brief and cordial, nothing more.

I’m sorry you’re experiencing such difficulties- wishing you all the best for the future x

Sorry I clicked on YABU by accident. You’re not being unreasonable at all. It’s really sad when long term friendships end or wane but sometimes they’ve run their course, she’s not treating you nicely and her blocking you is just childish

Blocking a friend of so many years over so small a disagreement means she’s a dick.

Why would she have picked up a message but not a phone call? Blaming everyone else for their own mistakes and then blocking anyone who points out that’s what they’re doing, is classic personality disorder.

Focus on your partner. Your friendship with this woman has run its course.

My DS is like this - wants me to listen to all her woes but when DH is in hospital (ongoing and serious issue) she's helping a friend with her CV, washing a friend's hair who's had an operation, or a random selection of relatively trivial things. But I can't easily back away as she is one of my few blood relations. And 'phone calls? She has taken to long silences. I try and keep the conversation going but after the third one I wrap things up and do something more rewarding, like cleaning out the cupboard under the sink!

I have recently stepped away from a similar friendship. I found it too upsetting that I was always the one checking in but communication from her was only when she needed advice etc.
I can be forgetful so set myself reminders/calendar notes to help, so that's sad your friend couldn't find a way to help herself.
In contrast to you when I said I couldn't be that friend anymore my friend accepted it. I still feel incredible sad that it's ended and miss her terribly, but it was causing me so much upset that she didn't seem to care as much about me as I did her.

I reached out to wish her a Happy Christmas and received a polite reply back, I think I was hoping she may try to reignite the friendship but maybe the friendship has just run its course and I need to accept that.

The missed calls on her phone would have done the same job as a reminder message anyway.

This has happened to me with a friend I've known all my life (and I'm old!) and there was one thing that happened (I did what you did OP... instead of treading on eggshells I told her that she had really let people down over an event).

Basically for the first time ever I called out her behaviour. When I say it did not go down well, that was an understatement. She unleashed hell on me! We send birthday and christmas cards now but that is hopefully all. I can't forgive her unpleasantness when just for once, I questioned her behaviour.

OP... I think this friendship has run its course. Sometimes friendships that last decades outlive themselves.
I am so relieved not to be in touch anymore, I came to realise I was doing all the giving. And that sounds like you OP.

I had a similar experience with a long standing friend. I was very hurt at the time, and I still think about her. As the years have passed I realise she was pretty self centred all along. Some friendships just don’t last the course when they are put under any kind of strain.

Out of sight out of mind is another phrase I use. I’ve recently stopped putting all the effort in with a couple of friends, and there’s been absolutely no contact from them. It’s made me realise that they’re not really invested in the friendship, if they were they would have thought about me and realised we’d not spoke for a while and made the effort - for once - to get in touch. Now Im concentrating on my friendships that I value, and feel valued back.

If only there was a thing on most phones nowadays you can do to remind you of things youve planned? Or even wrote it on a calendar/noticeboard at home? Honestly sounds like shes done you a favour.....the rubbish has took itself out.

She sounds like the kind of person who would expect you to cook her a meal if she was poorly, then expect you to eat it for her too.

You told her what you actually thought after a very long time of not doing so and she's taken " offence" boo-hoo to her Guess she should've been a better friend

Classic passive aggression. There's nowhere to go with it, it's like being walked down a cul de sac rather than a two way street. There's no room for growth when one person in a relationship behaves like this and eventually they will drain you dry. Look on the bright side, OP. You still have you, and you sound like the best part of this relationship. She will always remain in her metaphorical cul de sac, being very emotionally immature and never growing. Shame, but let her. Life is too short to give your energy to people like this.

Early on in life it's easier to make drama or problems the basis for that friendship, that sense of being up against things, up against the world and navigating it. Decades on, we know our way around life and that kind of thing doesn't feel invigorating, more draining.

Absolutely! Very well put.

It's awful when people show their true colours like that. Only someone very very childish would block someone like that. I expect she just didn't like being told a home truth.

It's awful and sad but in the long run you are likely better off x

My so called best friend of forty years was similar. I supported her through every crisis but I eventually realised support was very one way. When my husband was very ill, she never once rang to see how he was. When I said we were moving house, she made nothing but nasty cutting remarks.

I helped plan her (2nd) wedding, and never heard from her for months and months. She was always inclined to drop me when someone new came along. I stopped messaging, I just felt fed up doing all the leg work.

We moved, still no sign of her. Eventually I received a ridiculous message saying she was sorry if she'd said something offensive. Then tried for my sympathy with a long story about her DH's foster brother dying - she couldn't stand the sight of him. I sent a message saying, no hard feelings, you've moved on and I wish you well. She snapped back in seconds "well I thought that too".

I'd rather have no best friend than one like that. I've put up with a lot, but no more.

I suppose what I'm telling you is that when someone you've supported and trusted shows their true colours, you are better off without them. Don't spend time grieving the "friendship".

Some friendships are one-dimensional - they are there for the fun, they simply can't cope with negativity and that includes being on someone's side in bad times, or taking criticism. They just can't tune in to that wavelength.

Then we come to how we define friendships. Usually it's purely by chance it happens, there is that joy of having common ground and then having a friend. Early on in life it's easier to make drama or problems the basis for that friendship, that sense of being up against things, up against the world and navigating it. Decades on, we know our way around life and that kind of thing doesn't feel invigorating, more draining.

But some friendships drag on like a tribute band, or a band on the nostalgia circuit and that's easily done - I mean, a lot of the music I listen to is from decades ago too, same with movies on repeat.

I agree it's upsetting and it is a massive shame that these days the waxing and waning of friendships can't be dealt with without cancelling or ghosting the other, usually with the pretext of some kind of conflict or disagreement.

Let her stew in her own juice. She doesn't deserve you. Use your energy where it's needed and do not engage with her again. You did absolutely the right thing telling her some home truths and obviously hit a nerve.